Mum Angry At Mother In Law For Referring To Her Grandchildren as ‘Hers!’

Mum Angry At Mother In Law For Referring To Her Grandchildren as ‘Hers!’

The relationship between a woman and her mother-in-law can often be fragile and one that is tiptoed around in order to avoid conflict. Because let’s be honest, most of us cant speak to our MIL the way we do to our own mums, but that’s a whole other issue.

When a grand baby is bought into the mix the relationship can become even more strained as everyone is trying to find their position within the new family dynamic. The MIL may give advice that the daughter in law doesn’t want to hear and vice versa.

What about though, if your MIL kept referring to your children in a way that really riled you up? Like calling them “my baby” or “my child.” Would that annoy you?

One mum took to Mumsnet to complain about her mother-in-law’s conduct saying, “She constantly refers to my baby as our baby.”

A little context so I try not to drip feed:
My mother-in-law was an only child so she’s used to getting what she wants and this has carried on throughout her adult life. She has two children and was quite a strict parent. She and my husband’s dad got divorced about 10 years ago when the kids are all grown up. She’s living quite a luxurious lifestyle travelling about a lot but gets annoyed when my husband doesn’t ring on at least three times a week to say hi. When we got married my husband made a point of living in the same area as her so she wouldn’t get lonely…….
Anyway me and her son got married a couple of years ago and we now have a baby. And she constantly refers to my baby as our baby. This annoyed me a bit as I grew up with a lot of children and it’s my first baby so it’s a big deal for me ! Yes she is the grandmother and it’s her family too so I brushed the our bits off thinking I was being silly….

But am I being unreasonable to get annoyed when she starts saying “my baby my baby” when she’s talking about… well my baby not hers?? X

The mum in question no doubt realised her complaint was slightly petty but chose to open herself up to criticism and advice anyway. She was probably also hoping for some words of support, but again didn’t really find them. Here are just some of the comments from the Mumsnet community who had some choice words for the new mum.

It sounds like you’re looking for reasons to dislike her tbh. You are being quite precious about this. Sounds like a grandmother who loves her grandchild a lot – that’s not a bad thing. Saying ‘our baby’ is correct really as well, it’s a well used term of affection for a baby in the family. Both my DCs get called it.

Gosh I call my grandson ‘nannas baby boy’ when i am cuddling him. I am neither spoilt or rich unfortunately wink

It’s a fairly common expression I don’t Expect she’s plotting to steal him.

My MIL calls DS son, he is not her son and he is 24. I don’t mind one little bit. It is a term on endearment.

I call my nephews ‘my babies’.They are my babies. Just as my dd is also my sisters baby. Like a pp says my nan used to call me and my sister her babies as did my mum with her grand children.
You’d have somethings to say if she didn’t take any Interest

Do you want her to refer to the child as “Babybarclay’s baby” rather than “our baby”?confused

My lovely DMIL calls my DD ‘my little Ethel’….She’s done it since the day she was born. I’ll never forget the afternoon the day after she was born (bang on 3pm) she walked into my room (I was lucky, not rich) at the hospital came straight over to me and held me and whispered in my ear ‘you clever, lovely girl, I’m so bloody proud of you’. She then went to DD’s cot thing and looked over at me…I said ‘course you can!’ and she picked up my little red faced, 4lb 9oz baby.

I look at it that my DD is slightly hers too, in the sense that she’s her DGD. She still calls her my Ethel even now, or ‘how’s my big girl doing at Guides’ etc.

Some commenters had an issue with the MIL being referred to as an only child like that has anything to do with the price of fish. The mum seemed to have realised her mistake and went back to her original post and added this clarification.

I didn’t mean to cause offence about the only child thing she is just very spoilt and this comes across in a lot of things in her life. She has a lot of friends and a lot of family but nearly disowned my husband but considering moving further away from her!  So we move closer to herAt the birth you literally had to hold her back from picking up my baby (who was in a incubator ) So I guess I’m asking more of how would you address this because I think if she keeps acting the way she does she’s going to push yourself more and more and more onto my child.

What do you think of this situation? Would this bother you or does the MIL have every right to refer to them as her babies too?

 

Images: Pixabay

 

1 COMMENT

  1. I can’t comment on this on Facebook in case my MIL takes offense. However, I’ve had to claim MY baby as MY baby because I was constantly being referred to as the “vessel” and being walked over with blatant inconsideration which caused a lot of drama in an already traumatic and grievous pregnancy. It only went through when someone was trying to dictate my birth and recovery and my partner put his foot down and pointed out that it is our baby and not theirs. So there may be reason this mum has been made to feel this way, or how these feelings have grown over time, and to be told you’re ungrateful or that you should just accept it can be just as damaging and potentially toxic.

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