Should Children Dictate The Rules?
They say children tend to copy their parents’ behaviour and project what they see and learn to their surrounding environment. Yet, this is not the case with Emily, 6-year-old girl who transformed into what we humorously call today a little dictator. We’ve all seen these. There are stories told around the block of children who have adopted a negative behaviour towards the world as if they are actually experiencing such themselves. And most researched cases prove this is exactly the opposite of how their parents treat them. But how these creatures, so young and tender, have learned to handle situations the bad way?
What makes them scream, bite and use “bad” words in their dictionary so often?
Doing Parenting The Wrong Way?
Some say it may be a result of an unidentified ADHD problem. At first, it even isn’t a question. Children’s attention deficit and hyperactive behaviour have been considered an unfortunate syndrome. And even more unfortunately, science provides us little or no ways to all to deal with our children’s anxiety except using special medication. We stuff our children with pills with fancy names hoping they will help them fix something we don’t quite understand. And we’ve all heard how some sedatives affect a young one’s mind. But ADHD is not the only reason otherwise smart and perfectly healthy children become little dictators. Intelligence does cause such misbehaviours along with a little thing we call “giving too much love”.
I can already hear you disagreeing and throwing imaginary tomatoes at the screen, but as much as we decline to believe it, there actually is a thing called “excessive attention” and it is just what we name in other words spoiling. And why is it our little ones’ genius one of the top reasons, you probably wonder?
There sometime is a crack where a child’s understanding of the world drastically surpasses the expected one for its stage of development. This results in children being bored by others at the same age, it leads to self-isolation and many others. Yet, some children’s smarts help them develop a new life strategy, which in one way or another, leads them to behave rudely and inappropriately.
Understanding The Problem
The story of Emily ( pseudonym used ), mentioned in the beginning will give you a better understanding of why learning to say “No” is one of the most important lessons in our lives as mums. At first glance, little Goldy Locks is a normal, 6-year-old which joyfully lives with her loving parents and a sweet Yorkie pup in a beautiful suburban home. Digging deeper into her life, trying to figure out her abnormally extrovert behaviour, the screams and cries which ripped the air every once and a while, I found out Em was far away from being happy.
Her parents are those great people you watch on family TV shows while berating yourself over your blemished parenting style. And without inspecting their child’s situation really thoroughly, you won’t be able to make the connection. Struggling between her excessively good parents and her important place in the family as a sole child, little Em has no other option, but to play “the queen”. She sleeps in the largest room in the house, has a loads of toys and a large picture of herself hung on the wall. And why would that hurt such a wonderful little one? She calls her mummy bad names, screams and bursts into tears over nothing. Where are her parents wrong?
In most cases, such as this one, the child positively percepts its situation, but sometimes it may start feeling stressed over the natural desire to take charge of the house. Big rooms, too much amenities, private housekeepers and expensive clothing and make them anxious about taking a leader position in the house. And while making your little one happy with a smart toy or taking advantage of the services of a babysitter or a cleaning lady aren’t something necessarily bad, excessive spoiling is always a poor ground from future problems. But what needs to be done in order to bring the childhood cheerfulness back to Emily’s life?
Making a Change
Actions may seem unnecessarily drastic and strange, but they will certainly make a change. First of all, children need to know their position in the family and taking the larger part of the house feel just unnatural. Plus, the otherwise adorable gesture of putting her photo on the wall just worsens things. She should have her own room, that’s out of the question, yet, the space she lives in should be sized to her age and needs. Children certainly don’t need to live in a 40 sq meter room. Having a small, spruced up girly getaway is a far more convenient idea.
And while not all cases are such as Emily’s, there are lots which dramatically mimic it. Maybe Emily’s case is just like a problem you have at home, maybe it isn’t. But for all we know, every child reacts differently to its surrounds and as mums, we are ought to make sure they grow feeling happy and secure.
I would also like to say a special Thank You to Sam Winterland from Best Home Ideas, who gave me great examples how to keep a home well organised for a hyperactive child and to the amazing staff at Melbourne Housekeepers for their overall support during my research.
You can find more information about children ADHD disorder here.
Veronika Adriane is a savvy blogger passionate about everything design-related. Aside from blogging, she loves spending hours admiring innovative residential and landscape architecture and she often tackles upon quirky renovation projects at home. She is a freelance graphic designer and aspiring photographer when she is not busy with marketing projects for some of Melbourne’s leading housekeepers .
She’d be happy to connect with you on Twitter and Google Plus, where she often discusses photography and design.