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Wednesday from the Wardrobe #2: The Hidden Horrors Edition

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wardrobe_horror

 

Wednesday from the Wardrobe #2: The Hidden Horrors Edition

Oh…um…is it really Wednesday again already?  Eeeeek!  I guess it is time to share with you some of the less flattering and fashionable articles that I found lurking in the depths of my wardrobe.  I did promise in last weeks inaugural Wednesday from the Wardrobe: The Apparel Apocolyse and I’m nothing if not true to my word.

I had a very busy day on Monday sorting through the mountains of clothing (most of which I wouldn’t be seen dead wearing in public) that I have been hording, for no other reason than that I am kinda lazy.  The irony of the fact that I am about to share these fashion atrocities on the ‘net has not escaped me, but at best it may prompt some of you to have a wardrobe detox, and at worst you will sit at your pooter and laugh yourself stupid at me!  Hahaha!

So, I made a pact with..um…myself.  If I put something on and was happy to walk to the mailbox wearing it, then I was allowed to keep it.

As a result, I am sure that my neighbours now think,

 a) I have some bizarre crush on my posty (who incidentally is a woman)

 b) I was having a look-a-like party at my house

 c) I have a very severe multiple personalities disorder

So anyway…without further ado…let’s have a look at what I uncovered shall we?

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That’s right, that isn’t a muffin…that is me!  This is the oldest thing I found in my wardrobe – I’ve had it since I was 17, and back then it was one of my favourite tops.  Shame that since then it has shrunk.  That is right.  IT shrunk….I did NOT grow.  OK?

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This outfit was a favourite back in my University days.  I still love teh colour of the jumper, but it has got a tad wornand bobbly, and the cream cords are to put it bluntly, one sneeze away from a camel toe!

 

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Time to face facts, I ain’t ever getting these babies done up!

 

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And these ones are so past their use by date, that even my arse is trying to fight it’s way out of them!

 

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A gift from someone, at some point who clearly didn’t like me very much.  It has never seen the light of day.  

Did I just hear a collective sigh of relief?

 

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Horizontal stripes and a mummy-tummy do not a good combination make…and yes, I am breathing in!

 

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Intentional and unintentional belly flashes are now a thing of the past…

 

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As is anything that you can see my bellybutton through!

 

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Considering it has now been over a year since I breast-fed, it’s high time I ditched the breastfeeding nightie and opted for something a little more sexy.  Actually, try saying that in a Sean Connery accent…’Sheckshee” and that’s the vibe I’m aiming for!

 

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Yes, I did wear this once.  It was a dress-up and I went as Poison Ivy.

 

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Oh..err…this is the white PVC nurse outfit that I wore to my UK hens night.  Yes, I am the epitome of class, I know.

These days I managed to get one arm into it!

 

Now…there are two very old items that I couldn’t part with.

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I still love this knee length suede coat with faux fur trim.

And, um…this is a real doozy…

Are you ready?

 

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Bahahahahaha!

That’s right.  This is the first and only dress that I have ever made, and it was for a 70’s themed night out with my co-workers at the time at the Walkabout Inn pub in Southampton England.  Picture me 12 years younger, wearing knee-high seriously platformed boots, slugging back black Sambuca’s (eeewww, I think I just vomited in my mouth) and your almost there.

Will I ever wear it again?  Most definiately not.  I almost passed out in my wardrobe trying to suck it all in long enough to take these snaps, but it has sentimental value.  It is what I was wearing the night that Hubbster and I got together.

So that’s why I want to keep it.  Your not going to make me walk to the mailbox in it, are you?

I’d love you to play along with today’s edition of Wednesday from the Wardrobe, by posting a photo of a hidden horror you have lurking in your wardrobe on my Jolene’s Mumbo Jumbo Facebook page. 

Or on Twitter @jolenejolene9 using the hashtag #wedwardrobe

Go on, it’ll be good for a giggle!

Fellow bloggers, I’d love you to join me by linking up below.

 

 

Jolene

Jolene

Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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