Newly Married Couple Almost Break Up Over Woman’s Bizarre Daily Toilet Routine
There is a lot to discover about your partner when you first move in together. All those odd little quirks and habits almost appear out of nowhere once you make yourself comfortable in a shared home with your significant other.
A newly married man has opened up about accidentally discovering his wife’s bizarre daily toilet routine and shared how it almost ended their marriage completely.
“My wife would always leave super early for work, but that’s fine,” the anonymous man explains on Reddit. “Some people like getting to work early and it seemed to fit that she would be the type to do that.”
“She started having to run errands at night for some reason. She would either leave like two hours early for work or go run errands at like 10pm,” he said, adding that this went on for about two weeks.
Then she started coming home with none of the supplies she said she needed. I don’t know why she needed milk or bananas urgently at 10pm, but it raises red flags when you urgently need milk at 10 and then you return with no milk. That this had been going on for months probably.
Thinking the worst, the new husband decided that his wife must be fooling around with another man and came up with a flawless plan.
The love of my life must be out gallivanting around with some shit bag, probably with a cool name like Devin and a magnum dong. Stupid Devin. I figured I would test this theory by offering my own dong to her the next time she had to take a late-night errand run. I basically fell short of presenting it to her on a silver platter. She declined, said maybe when she gets back. Like I wanted Devin’s sloppy seconds.
Plan A not working out as he had hoped, the hapless husband came up with a better one. He followed her!
There is a Dennys down the road from our house. She gets out and goes in. I’m in my car, imagining how I’m going to put the pain on this slick jerk while berating my wife. I go inside and I can’t find her. Nowhere to be seen. It’s just me, the Dennys hostess and a bunch of drunk Devins.
It all goes downhill from here, folks.
She finally comes out and has a shocked face. “How can you do this to me!” My wife starts sobbing and apologising.
“You’re caught, where is the guy?.”
“Don’t do this right now, where is the guy?”
“There isn’t a guy.”
“Why are we at Dennys if there isn’t a guy.”
At this point, the arguing couple were asked to leave the popular American fast food outlet and never come back. So they head outside to the carpark.
“Why are you at Dennys at 10pm if you aren’t cheating with a guy…..is it, the hostess?”
“I had to use the bathroom.” Uncontrolled sobbing.
“What….you had to what?”
“I had to go to the bathroom.”
“We have a toilet, in the home we share.”
“I don’t go when you are there okay? I don’t like it, I cant relax with you there.”
“A Dennys, a Dennys bathroom, that’s better to you than going, at our home, with me present?”
Suddenly this man has an epiphany, and it all becomes clear.
Memories and oddities start flooding in, our honeymoon where she kept going to the lobby to ask for things, innumerable amounts of times she would leave at weird times to run errands, the gas station, the store. I just never noticed, never second-guessed it.
She stopped bringing stuff back because for a long time she would get bananas. So many bananas in our house! I guess I must have mentioned it, so she just stopped grabbing them. Her shame was brought down by bananas. I could have been blissfully unaware, living in a banana filled house that I and I alone used the bathroom in if not for that comment.
So, that’s the story of how I’m not allowed in Dennys because I thought she was cheating on me with Devin.
Well, that was a bit of a roller coaster ride, wasn’t it? What a lot of effort that poor woman goes to every day to avoid using a toilet in the general vicinity of her husband!
Happily, and somewhat hilariously, after reading all the comments in the Reddit thread, the couple seems to have reached a point where this woman can be comfortable enough in her own home.
Edit: At 9:31pm this evening, after reading the comments she asked me to play video games, announced she was going to go buy bananas and turned on every faucet we have while locking herself in the bathroom.
Good for her! Have you ever had privacy issues using the toilet when your partner is around? How have you coped with it?
Source: Google Images