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Man Says His Wife’s Demands for a Back Rub Every Night is a Huge Turn Off

Man Says He’s Sick Of Giving His Wife Massages Every Night


What started off as an occasional massage every now and then, has turned into a nightly expectation. This husband wants to know if he’s in the wrong for not wanting to give his wife massages every day. What do you think?

Writing into Reddit the man explained that his wife used to only want massages occasionally, but now it’s become a nightly chore and frankly he’s sick of it.

My wife and I have been together for about 3 years. Early on in our relationship we used to watch tik toks and things always came up around the lines of “5 things to make your girlfriend happy” and all the lists said “rub her butt”. So I took that initiative and rubbed her butt every time we slept over at each others places. Butt rubs expanded into thigh rubs, foot rubs, upper/lower back rubs and anything else that hurts for her. I also enjoyed giving her massages from time to time as a treat and she would give one back.

When we moved in together, I would rub her lower back every night and it became a soothing way for her to fall asleep. But as time has gone on I really don’t like giving her back rubs because she asks for one every night and complains when I either say no or when I stop right after she falls asleep. I have asked her for back rubs and she will refuse because she wants one first and will always fall asleep before it’s my turn.

Now the thought of me rubbing her back is a complete turn off for me and this leads me into what I consider AH territory. I look forward to when she leaves town for work/friend trips because I get to just go to bed. I have told her if her back hurts she could stretch before bed (like I do) but she refuses. It has gotten to a point that when we fight I will bring it up and make her feel guilty about it because of how much I hate doing it and I’m tired of asking politely.

So AITAH for unintentionally conditioning her into liking/expecting back rubs and trying to take it away from her?

So as you can see, the husband dreads bed time as he feels he needs to be available for back massages. And when it’s his turn for one there are none to be found as his wife has already fallen asleep!

Comments on his post were mixed, although the majority agreed that massages should be given as treats and not expected daily.

NTA. She turned a loving gesture into an unrealistic expectation.

Naw… Sometimes it’s just nice to have the place to yourself. My gf spends 90% of her time at my home, the rest at a friend’s home that she rents a room from. When she goes there for a day or two it’s a nice break. I get to watch TV in bed, not have a knee in my back in bed, etc. All the little things that can annoy you slightly. When she comes back here I’m more relaxed, and those things don’t annoy me for awhile.


I view massaging one another as a bonding experience. If she won’t return the favor then she can pay someone to do it.

Going with NTA if you stop. She’s being selfish and not returning the favor. Just stop doing them and tell her why: her selfishness and unwillingness to return the favor. This is leading to serious resentment, which is very bad for a relationship. She can hire a masseuse in the meantime.

NTA, it needs to work both way, and she can’t expect you to do this each night.

I’m so sorry dude all I can do is laugh because my sister and her fiance have this fight constantly.

Rub my back. No, I did you last time. I’ll do you after. No you won’t you’ll fall asleep and then I’m out!

They’re both, both halves of the conversation and I can’t help but laugh at them every time.

I feel for you my, dude. I don’t see an easy answer, but if my sister and her fiance figure it out I’ll let you know.

NTA. A good partner is not happy to get their way at the expense of their partner’s happiness. And the fact that she won’t even give you a massage when you’ve given her a daily massage for presumably over a year now makes this relationship seem unbelievably one-sided.

Apparently I have been single for too long because I think the wife sounds incredibly entitled and needs to have a reality check. Us single people (well, at least me) do not get any free massages at anytime. I guess us peasants have to learn how to fall asleep without one lol.

What do you think?


Images: Pixabay




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Chrystal Lovevintage

Chrystal Lovevintage

Chrystal is a writer and blogger who loves nothing more than watching back to back episodes of crime shows. Should she ever find herself needing to cover up a crime, she'll know exactly what to do! Her dream is to one day live in Palm Springs where she can do her writing poolside while drinking endless gin and tonics. Mum to the cutest twin boys in the world, she loves nothing more than the sound of their laughter (usually heard when they're conspiring against her). Entertainment writer and pop culture junkie, she will be bringing you all the celebrity gossip and news that your brain can handle. You can follow her blog at and on Instagram at Chrystalovevintage

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