Mum Furious That Step Mum Shaved Son’s Hair Without Her Permission – But Who is in the Right?
Co-parenting can get very tricky sometimes. One woman discovered her stepson’s mum was furious with her for shaving her son’s head without asking permission. But did she need to?
Writing in to Reddit the woman explained her family situation. She said her and her husband share 3 sone together and she’s also step mum to their 2 stepsons which they share custody of with their biological mother.
The problem arose over a hair cut. You see, the woman normally only gives her biological sons a buzz cut at home while her step sons usually go to a barber with their mum.
This time however, the stepsons asked for her to shave their heads also. So she did. But while their own biological mum had no knowledge of this happening, their biological dad DID. Read the post for yourself:
My husband I have 3 sons together (2/4/5) and I have 2 stepsons (10/13). We have 50/50 custody
I cut my kids hair myself and my stepsons get their haircut at a barber when their mom has custody, in the last few years my husband has occasionally taken them to get their haircut.
Wednesday afternoon I decided to give my 4 & 5 yr olds haircuts. The 10 yr old then asked if I would cut his hair too. His hair was currently shoulder length and he had been growing it for a while. He wanted me to give him a buzzcut. I asked if he was sure and then texted his dad to make sure he was okay with it. My husband asked if I would wait till he came home so he could watch and record it. When he came home I shaved it and he was very happy with the result.
Yesterday his mom picked him up from school and saw his hair. She immediately called my husband and was pissed about the haircut. Later in the evening she messaged me on IG to have a go at me and say I had no right cutting her sons hair without her permission and that it was a big change and I shouldn’t have allowed him to do it implosively. I didn’t reply to her because I didn’t want to feed into any drama. I thought stepson was happy with his haircut and that’s all that really matters.
However, the more I think about it the more I’m unsure if she’s right. If my son had a stepmom and came home from their house with a drastically different haircut I think I might of been upset too and possibly think that person crossed an unspoken boundary. AITA?
So technically she did have a parent’s permission. Just not the mother’s. But you can see she’s now putting herself in the step mum’s position and is questioning if she did in fact do the wrong thing.
Comments on the post mostly supported her saying she definitely wasn’t the a**hole in this situation.
If the mum was mad she should have spoken to your husband. I don’t personally believe that haircuts are 2 parent decision but reasonable people can disagree about that. The point is that you gave the haircut at the kid’s request with his father’s okay. If mum is upset she should talk to dad.
Age 10 is old enough to decide for himself that he wants short hair. It will grow back. Only if there had been any pressure, subtle bribes, or subtle punishments would I think the mum had a case.
You got the dad’s permission. You didn’t make the decision yourself. Dad has equal custody and just as much right to make that decision.
While some agreed with the step mum and thought she had very right to feel upset.
I guess this is unpopular but I think YTA. Or at least problematic. Getting a haircut without informing her is one thing but doing a buzz cut on shoulder length hair without at least telling mum shows a lack of respect for her as a parenting partner. A head’s up would’ve been ok. Even as a married person I wouldn’t make a decision to seriously alter my kids appearance without giving my husband a heads up.
If you guys want a foundation of trust you and dad should’ve known better and at least given her a heads up. What you did maybe isn’t wrong but the end result is predictable.
I agree. Checking in with Mum gives her time to process possible change, and also gives the son time to rethink his choice. He might miss that hair as well. Major change is very different from a slight trim to clean things up.
What do you think?