Here Are 50 Short, Clean Jokes That Are Guaranteed to Make You Laugh at Least Once

Up for a quick giggle with some short, clean jokes? Yeah, me too. Let’s dive in!

People of Reddit were asked, “what’s a short, clean joke that gets a laugh every time?” and boy did they deliver!

Here are 50 of the very best answers:

1
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
–BiffWhistler

2
What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?
Aye matey
–Wicked_Wanderer

3
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
–Rndomguytf

4
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
–WikiWantsYourPics

5
My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I said “40”
–3shirts

6
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
–Melchiah_III

7
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
–megan_james

8
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
–kailey_sara

9
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
–kate_winslat

10
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
–ImHully

11
Two clowns are eating a cannibal.
One turns to the other and says “I think we got this joke wrong”
–Moltenfirez

12
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
–Spysquirrel

13
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
–alosercalledsusie

14
I poured root beer in a square glass.
Now I just have beer.
–PM_ME_TINY_DINOSAURS

15
My friend says to me: “what rhymes with orange”
I said: “no it doesn’t”
–DinosRoar1

16
And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
–PM-SOME-TITS

17
How can you spot a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn’t hard.
–smhockr

18
What do we want?
Low flying airplane noises!
When do we want them?
NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW
–Tetragon213

19
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
–rangers_fan2

20
Whatdya call a frenchman wearing thongs?
Phillipe Phillope.
–Sooowhatisthis

21
What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
–Dave-Stark

22
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
–leahcure

23
So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world
–Jefferncfc

24
I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs
–breadman666

25
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
–ImHully

26
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
–fireworkslass

27
I’ve found a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work
–3shirts

28
Wife says to her programmer husband, “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.”
Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.
–SuperFreakyNaughty

29
Communism jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them
–-georgie

30
I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said “Thanks”
I said “Don’t mention it”
–3shirts

31
What do the movies Titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
Icy dead people
–mysevenyearitch

32
I used to be addicted to soap, but now I’m clean…
–VictorBlimpmuscle

33
What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon?
Tennish
–3shirts

34
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Dishes
Dishes Who?
Dishes Sean Connery
–Birdie_Num_Num

35
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
–Deerhoof_Fan

36
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
–KaboomBoxer

37
Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me get to the other side!”
The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”
–The2ndKingInTheNorth

38
Ever noticed that glass tastes like blood?
–venus_w

39
My friends say there’s a gay guy in our circle of friends… I really hope it’s Todd, he’s cute.
–-917-

40
I’ve been told I’m condescending.
(that means I talk down to people)
–iblinkyoublink

41
Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line”
Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
–justacheesyguy

42
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
–RayBrower

43
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones.
But people in Abu Dhabi do!
–stevenmc

44
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little antybodies.
–bonanzoid

45
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
–plax1780

46
What thinks the unthinkable?
An itheberg.
–mariana_m

47
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
–Ramundo312

48
Before your criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes.
–BoxxerUOP

49
What’s ET short for?
He’s only got little legs.
–3shirts

50
What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
–techgirl0