One new grandmother has turned to Reddit to ask whether she was wrong for asking her son to bring his six week old baby to visit her without his fiancé. However she didn’t quite get the response we assume she was hoping for. In fact, after reading her description of the events leading up to the unreasonable request the internet did not hold back.

Read on for yourself, and see what you think about what she has to say!

Throwaway. 51f, my son is 29 and he and his fiancé “Jen” have a 6-week-old daughter “Lily” (she also has a 7yo son that is not my sons child but I still consider him my grandbaby). I used to get along really well with Jen and told everyone she was like a daughter to me. But when she got pregnant, she started acting weird toward me. Like I asked to be in the room for delivery and she said a clipped “no” (despite letting her 7yo son’s dads mom in the room for his delivery). No big deal, its her choice. But when I went to visit in the hospital afterwards she acted really put off that I was there. I figured she was just tired and left after 20 minutes to give her space. But then it continued.

I have stopped in to see everyone about 5 times since she had the baby and every single time that I walk in, she gets really quiet. Whenever I’m holding the baby she is hovering. She keeps snapping at me over small things. Like how I’m holding the baby (had her on her belly on my arm or sideways across my knees on her belly) because “she’s crying, obviously she doesn’t like that so stop”. Or snapping at me for things I say to the baby (like when she starts fussing, I said “you won’t get your own way with me, you can’t play me like that” in a baby voice, trying to calm her) and she goes “she’s 4 weeks old, how exactly is she playing you?” Then she got livid and actually kicked me out of the house one time because she picked up the baby for making the smallest of noises and I told her the baby was going to get used to being held all the time if she kept doing that and she said “well it’s a good thing she’s my child and I don’t have to listen to your crying it out bullshit”. Well, I went there on Thanksgiving and apparently it was her mother’s first time meeting the baby and of course the baby was all smiles and loved her grandma. But when I got the chance to hold the baby, she immediately started screaming and was promptly taken from me. I feel very slighted. I asked my son if he would bring the baby to visit me without his fiancé because I feel like his fiancés attitude toward me is the reason why the baby screams every time I hold her. I definitely think she’s picking up on the hostility. I don’t know why she even dislikes me now but asking her currently would be pointless. He told me he absolutely would not bring his daughter to my place without her mother because he wouldn’t do that to his fiancé (who has never been away from the baby thus far). I told him they were purposely ruining my chance at a relationship with my granddaughter and he said that wasn’t true and that I need to stop “pushing” my old fashioned beliefs, which is the first time I’ve heard of this. AITA for expecting him to bring my granddaughter to me without her mom so I can have a relationship with her?

The commenters were united in declaring the woman to be the arsehole in the situation, going as far as to spell out exactly what she had done to upset her future daughter-in-law, since she clearly can’t fathom it herself.

You don’t know why she dislikes you? You never heard anyone saying you were pushing your beliefs before? Really? Because I’ve been reading this for 30 seconds and I know exactly why she dislikes you, and it’s because you are pushing your beliefs on her.

YTA. You are making this whole situation about you. Let them be a family together. Let them set the rules for how the baby is cared for, unless they are doing something objectively dangerous. (“You might spoil the baby if you pick her up” is not objectively dangerous.) Let go of how you were deprived of what you seem to think is your right to be present at one of the most vulnerable moments of her life.

You can’t ruin a relationship with a 6-week-old baby. But you’re well on your way to ruining the relationships with your son and daughter in law. Back way, way off if you ever hope to be welcome in their lives. (EsmeWeatherwax7a)

YTA, sorry. Telling your future DIL that she shouldn’t hold the baby all the time because “the baby is going to get used to it” incorporated three errors, and it seems like you didn’t notice any of them. So I would guess that you have done a lot of other problematic things you haven’t noticed and this is raising your future DIL’s hackles. The first error you made in that one instance was, you criticized her parenting. Never criticize a child-in-law’s parenting unless it’s a matter of life and death. The second error you made was that you used “I’m older and know better” logic to contradict her. That never goes down well because it comes across as controlling – but also, modern parents generally believe that parenting techniques have improved over the decades, so your “old fashioned” advice is going to be assumed to be wrong. You might as well tell her not to use a carseat, that’s how credible she will take your 30-years-old parenting advice to be. The third error you made, and possibly the worst, is that you treated her like she has no idea how to be a mom when she actually already has a 7-year-old. This isn’t her first time around the block, and you ignoring that, will be taken, correctly, to be demeaning. (Reasonable-Sale8611)

There’s a fourth thing she did wrong: she’s empirically incorrect. There’s no such thing as holding an infant too much, and it’s good for them to learn that they’ll promptly have their needs met by their primary caregiver, so OP is just wrong that picking up the baby when she cries is bad. (Annang)

Some readers were astonished that the woman couldn’t see anything wrong with turning up to see a newborn so regularly unannounced and were unsurprised that the daughter-in-law was getting annoyed.

I’d also like to point out that OP has visited 5 times already: an average of once a week. Was she invited to visit any of these times? Or did she invite herself with the excuse of helping? And did she help or just want baby cuddles? I ask because she mentioned DIL looks annoyed every time. (Gryffindorphins)

I could see someone coming over that many times- if and only if they were invited and actively doing something to help mom and baby (ex: laundry, cooking meals, looking after the eldest son, etc.). That’s just about the only reason you should be at a new parent’s house that frequently and even then, only if you’re INVITED! It sounds like OP invites herself over, hogs the baby, disrespects mom’s parenting, and is an unhelpful presence generally speaking.

YTA, OP. If you don’t get yourself together, you’re not going to have a relationship with any of these people for long. (RogueSlytherin)

Others pointed out that the woman had overstepped even before the baby was born, and was continuing to trample her son’s partner’s boundaries, as well as openly criticising her parenting!

YTA. Time to back off a bit, clearly. You should have NEVER ASKED to be in the delivery room. You then go on to be very dismissive about who she did invite. If you think you kept that attitude to yourself, know that you most certainly didn’t.

The ‘I don’t have to listen to your crying it out bullshit’ is VERY telling. You’ve obviously given much unsolicited and unwanted advice.

Let them make their own way. If they ask for advice or opinions, give it.

Asking for him to bring the baby alone is going to cut no ice with your son I’m GLAD to hear.

Read the room mom/ grandma.

Back. Off.

Respect that SHE IS THIS CHILD’S MOTHER. (dart1126)

What do you think? How would you deal with a mother-in-law like this?