Being the Driver

Three weeks in, the 30 Day Sex Challenge is losing it’s challenging aspects.

It’s not that the sex is boring, or even commonplace.

The more we have, the better is seems to get (I KNOW!).

I’m losing weight, gaining confidence and not letting my husband’s lack of instigation rule my emotional well being.

You know what?

Pal doesn’t like to instigate. He doesn’t like to chase. He most certainly doesn’t want to be “one of those” husbands. He has made an effort to be more affectionate and take charge pre-safari, but it’s not in his nature to put consideration aside and proposition me if he doesn’t think it will be a successful bid.

I’ve been reading up on personalities (Personality Plus and Personality Plus for Parents by Florence Littauer in particular) and have discovered he is a Peaceful Phlegmatic Personality. In other words, he will come along for the ride but very rarely be the driver. He likes peace, avoids confrontation and mostly just wants to be the nice guy. Now that I know this, I’m surprised he proposed (with a ring and everything) and didn’t just wait for me to tell him: “Show up on Friday, we’re getting married. Here’s your suit.”

To be honest, now that I am aware of this, I am more likely to initiate contact with the other life form in my bed.

And do so without a chip on my shoulder or some kind of emotional motive.

I don’t NEED my husband to chase me, woo me and make me feel like a sex goddess BEFORE we go on safari. Even though it would be nice, the truth is that this #hornyhippo just needs to be treated like a sex goddess WHILE she and her lion are on safari.

And then I had an epiphany (or a brain fart, whatever pleases you best):

How often do women, wives in particular, make their husbands feel like Sex Gods?

When was the last time you worshipped your husband like a Greek god/wolf/vampire/star crush of your choice? I know it sounds so 1950s. I KNOW. But why are we, as women, expecting our husbands to treat us like princesses, sex kittens, strong capable women and the best mothers for their children, women who have it all, but we are not happy to respond in kind?

Has feminism come so far that we can’t treat our husbands as sex symbols every now and then, for fear that as women we will only be thought of in terms of sex?

Seriously. It seems so simple, I can’t believe it’s never occurred to me before.

Say you are a woman. Bugged/harrassed/begrudgingly putting out. Do you think that if, just every now and then, you made your husband feel like the hottest man on Earth, he might feel secure, happy and satisfied with the amount of sex he was already getting? Thus, you wouldn’t have to put out as much if that’s the outcome you are seeking? Or even, by treating your partner as hot stuff hubba hubba, you will receive the same treatment – and then you will WANT to have sex more?

Jess from Diary of a SAHM pointed out one exception to this rule

The most base thing that the 30 Day Sex Challenge is teaching me (it’s all in the theory, seriously. Ask Gemma from My Big Nutshell) is that men and women really ARE NOT that different. We all have emotional needs. They vary from person to person, not necessarily gender to gender. And when our emotional needs are met, we are generally happy with our lot. And by knowing and accepting my husband’s emotional needs and personality traits, I am becoming a happier spouse and a more understanding #hornyhippo.

Plus it’s totally hot to be looked at like you are hotter than Angelina. Or Brad. Or whoever it is we are calling the sexiest woman and man right now.

I wouldn’t know, I’ve been too busy, ummm, researching some of the star crushes my Facebook likers and Twitter friends suggested…

What do you think, are you more likely to treat your man like Brad if he treats you like Angelina?