My mothering tactics are all based on the fact that I am lazy. I am mother sloth incarnate. How lazy exactly? In uni, I picked all my classes for four years so that they’re all in the afternoon and I can sleep all morning. My friends knew that if they scheduled group meetings in the morning I wasn’t going to show up. I barely attended classes I had no choice but to have in the mornings.
So when I figured out how hard this mother job was going to be, I looked for shortcuts wherever I can find them. And I found a lot. So here is my list of tips for all the mother sloths out there.
- Breastfeed if you can so you don’t have to make formula or figure out the right way to make it. The position of the breasts is so perfect that I can even knit, get on Facebook or watch TV while I am feeding her. In her entire first three months, my daughter breastfed while I watched DVD after DVD of TV shows I liked.
- Co sleeping is magic. I co slept so I didn’t have to get up at 3am to feed. I just popped out a boob and went back to sleep. I could sleep in with my daughter and the sleep deprivation issue was solved for both my husband and I. His co-workers said he looked like he didn’t have a newborn in the house.
- Get everything delivered. I got everything delivered — from groceries to Christmas presents to underwear and nappies. I never had to leave the house and struggle with the pram and nappy bag. I googled all possible delivery services prior to the birth and it really paid off. This gave me the option to only go out when I really wanted to.
- Feed her store-bought food, delivered, of course. Aside from the fact that I don’t know how to make baby food, I get more variety. I don’t know how to make tuna mornay, or lamb casserole or risotto. But with store bought food, she can have a wide array of food in her menu. Plus I get the choice to buy organic. Do your research first though.
- Use disposable nappy — again delivered free of charge. I have no time to wash dirty cloth nappies nor do I have the inclination to research how to do it right (the environmentally-friendly way). Having said that, I choose my disposable nappies carefully so it has the least impact on the environment. A bit of online research will show the difference in impact each brand has and what measures they’ve taken.
- Hire a cleaner. I have a cleaner come to my house every fortnight. No explanations needed except that now you know why my kitchen and toilet are spotless.
- Get prepared healthy meals delivered to your door. This is my answer to major tasks like cooking and washing dishes. Plus, you end up losing weight in the process! Ingenious!
- No routine from 7am-7pm. Not in my house! Aside from the fact that it would cut daddy time with the bubba, it also means I have to be up early too. Having her routine moved to a later time meant daddy can still play with her after work and mum gets to sleep in every morning! Everybody wins!
My list is questionable, I am aware of that (don’t call DOCS yet) – that’s why I avoid mother’s groups (kidding, I’m too lazy to attend mother’s groups). The best advice I ever got was “do what works for you”. I know there are mothers who are morning people, gym people, domestic goddesses and so on. But I am not any of those. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses, and although I have accepted that I am Momma Sloth, I was still able to figure out that my shortcuts work for my little one – and is not harmful to her.
P.S. By the way, I aced the classes I had in the afternoons and evenings. The morning classes? Let’s just say, I was in the brink of flunking them. All of them. I also cussed a lot during the morning classes.
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