I see a lot in the media that suggests that women do not like having sex. Or that they like having sex but are too tired/too cranky/harassed by their husbands & partners to be bothered.
It makes me wonder, often, am I really in the minority?
You see, I don’t mind sex. In fact, (gasp, shock, horror) I LIKE it. Enjoy it even.
In my marriage, we often joke that the roles are reversed. I am the partner with the higher sex drive, Pal is the partner who probably feels harassed.
Now, it’s not like I chase him around the house, growling with my claws out, waiting for my chance to pounce.
Not like this. Mostly because I couldn’t find a picture of a hippo stalking a lion.
However, I do have what I consider to be a healthy appetite (I had to resist the urge of putting in a picture of a lion eating a gazelle here). Enough of one that the “urge” sometimes overrides the tired, cranky, harassed (by children and husband, mostly for food and clean clothes) feeling I have during the day.
Pal not so much. It’s not like he has a problem with having sex with me ( I don’t think!) but it is rare for him to be the instigator. I’m not sure if it’s because HE is exhausted, or even that after three pregnancies in three years, resulting in three children within 18 months and the hormones that invaded our house throughout that time, he might be afraid of asking. Let’s face it, he could just be too lazy to make a move – if cavemen had the same levels of motivation as Pal it’s possible we’d still be trying to figure out that dang wheel.
Whatever his reasons, the fact that the man in our marriage is the partner LESS interested in sex often makes me feel rejected, a little bit ugly and a bit less than normal. I am safe in the knowledge that my husband loves me, finds me desirable and doesn’t want to be with anyone else. But unfortunately for human beings, emotion often overrides logic.
Then I see other women protesting about how their husband’s harass them, won’t leave them alone, ask all the time and how they just want to be left alone, DON’T TOUCH ME! And rather than speak up I usually just nod and smile, or even the good old: “Oh yeah, me too” because god forbid, GOD FORBID, a woman admit that not only does she enjoy sex but that she WISHES her husband would ask just a little more, harass every now and then and PLEASE TOUCH ME!
Is it some kind of taboo, still, that a woman like and enjoy sex with her partner?
Is it just my sex drive is too high? Or that I possibly am TOO attracted to my husband?
Or even, is it that some other women enjoy sex just as much as I do, and would like to have sex more often, but if a group of women talk about sex they must seem like the more passive partner to seem wanted? To seem more desirable? To gain kudos with her peers?
I mean, nothing says: “I’m sexy” more than a woman pointing out how much she DOESN’T want to have sex.
Now don’t get me wrong, I totally get it when women tell me they’re tired. I have two one year olds and one two year old. I am often exhausted. I get tired.
It just so happens that I also get horny.
I also understand that not everyone has the sex drive I do. A very good friend of mine often tells me that sex is for procreation alone, and other than that she resents having to put out. Totally understandable.
But that’s not the way I feel.
Sex is a way of reconnecting with my husband. Of feeling like somebody’s lover rather than somebody’s mother. Feeling a little bit like myself for just a little while. Of remembering that I married this man, before he was a father and before I was a mother, because I love him.
I’m not sure why it often feels shameful to admit it, but:
My name is Daisy. And I like to have sex.
How do you feel about sex? Are you too tired? Too cranky? Is sex just for procreation? Or do you sometimes, just sometimes, engage in a bit of hanky panky purely for recreational purposes? More importantly, are you afraid to admit it?
|Photographer:||RALPH LEE HOPKINS/National Geographic Stock|
– from http://www.nationalgeographicstock.com Royalty Free