One expectant dad was left confused over his in-laws reaction after he and his wife recently held an intimate gender reveal party at their home. Not only did the soon-to-be grandparents fail to hide their disappointment at the news the baby was a girl, they also tried to convince her dad that he should also be disappointed!
My wife (29F) and I (30M) held a gender reveal for our first child yesterday. It was my wife’s idea since her, her parents and a few other people wanted to know the gender. I don’t really care what gender it is as long as it’s healthy. My MIL and FIL wanted it to be a boy because they always wanted a son but had two daughters instead, my wife also wanted it to be a boy but only because of her parents, she didn’t really care much either way.
It was a very small gathering with just a few friends and close family members. After it was revealed that the baby is a girl my MIL walked away and got very upset and my FIL looked disappointed. After around ten minutes I went into the garden to see my MIL crying I asked her what’s wrong and she said that she really wanted a grandson.
I told her that I’m sorry she’s disappointed but it doesn’t really matter that much and she got really annoyed at me at this point my FIL had joined us and heard what I said to her. He told me I should be sad too since I won’t be able to teach the baby about cars (I’m a mechanic and I joked a few times about getting the baby to follow in my footsteps) I told him that she might be interested in cars when she’s older so I don’t really understand how that’s relevant.
They were saying a bunch of things about what they can’t do now because she’s a girl, like taking her to sport games and teaching her about sports. They said that I’ll be missing out on giving a son “the talk and girls” I don’t really care that much about that but what if the baby likes girls so their argument is pretty weak.
They said a few other things about why they wanted her to be a boy but I just walked away and went back inside.
My MIL and FIL explained the whole argument with my wife and she got really pissed at me. She said that I should’ve comforted them and had at least a bit of sympathy. I just don’t understand why the gender is such a big deal. Shouldn’t they just be happy they’re getting a grandchild?
People were astounded that his wife had sided with her parents and had expected him to comfort them!
NTA at all. Fun fact I have two boys and a girl. One of my sons acts and does art. My daughter plays football with BOYS and rocks at soccer. She is also her dad’s best friend. Neither boy wants anything to do with sports. It’s fair to hope for a certain gender, sure. But not fair of them to expect you to comfort them or show any kind of compassion when they are upset that your baby is a girl. That’s insulting. (anbon24)
Yeah, I thought this too. Fancy being such a nob head that you cry at the idea of having a granddaughter. Pathetic. They don’t deserve to be comforted for being upset. I’d be careful to take notice of things the Gparents say around daughter as she grows. (3bag)
NTA- And your wife getting mad at you for HER parents being so miserable about their grandchild’s gender makes her an AH too. There’s no reason to comfort them for sexism.
The child is healthy and will be happy and that’s all that matters. Also, the way you talk, I can tell the child will have an amazing, supportive dad. (Lucario_1993)
People were shocked that the couple were so blantant is their sexism.
Toxic misogynistic family.
Make it crystal clear you never want any of this kind of gender bias spoken of around your children.
In laws need to grow up. Set your wife strait too. Ridiculous. (1SkiHill)
OP, listen to this! Kids know when they’re not 100% loved when they hear misogynistic shit like that. Growing up in an Asian household where boys were wanted, it always made me question if something was wrong with me just because I was born a girl. Don’t do this to your little girl. (PopcornandComments)
Others pointed out that considering how strongly the couple seemed to value having a male child, they likely didn’t hide this preference from their own daughter’s when they were growing up.
Sad thing is Mom/wife likely grew up consoling her parents for being a girl. I had a friend like this who grew up with tremendous guilt for not being the son “they needed.” (Novel_Ad1943)
NTA. Comforted them for what? It’s a baby, and it’s yours and their daughters. They should be delighted. If they wanted a boy, they should at most be slightly disappointed.
They’re instead assigning gender roles and moaning because “girls can’t do X, girls can’t do Y”, etc. They don’t deserve comfort or sympathy for placing imaginary limits on your daughter. This implies they did the same to your wife. (extinct_diplodocus)
If anything, people in the comments section thought that the in-laws owed their daughter and her husband an apology for putting such a dampener on the day and parading their disappointment.
It doesn’t sound as though there are any intelligent reasons for them preferring the boy they’re not going to get, so you won’t be able to logic them out of their position. Just ignore the whole thing. They’ll fall in love with the new grandbaby, or they won’t. Your own attitude is exactly as it should be, so I wish you and your wife all the best with your new tiny person.
I think it’s beyond rude to go to a gender reveal when you *care* so desperately about the outcome. Stay away, and keep your triumph or disappointment out of the parents’ view.
Anyway. NTA (YourLittleRuth)
NTA. I would go so far as to say that them dumping their “disappointment” on you is insensitive and extremely rude. The audacity! How dare they? (FragrantEconomist386)
What would you do in this dad’s position?