Written by Frances Bilbao, Founder of Mums Matter

There’s a quiet contradiction at the heart of how we approach parenthood. The perinatal period is one of the most emotionally vulnerable times in life, yet struggles with parenthood are often treated as something to be endured rather than to find support for.

Pregnancy and early parenthood are wrapped in powerful expectations of joy, gratitude, and fulfilment. For many families, those experiences are real, but they exist alongside anxiety, grief, fear, exhaustion and profound emotional upheaval. When these difficult feelings surface, they’re often misunderstood or minimised, leaving parents to assume they should be coping better, or quietly manage on their own.

As a clinical psychologist working in perinatal mental health, I’ve seen how common these challenges are. Yet, support has historically been limited, expensive, or difficult to access, especially in regional areas. Too many parents fall into the gap between public services with long waitlists and private care they simply can’t afford.

That gap is not accidental. It’s the result of a system that still treats perinatal mental health as secondary, rather than essential.

Early in my career, working in the public sector, I watched women wait months for care during pregnancy or after birth, a crucial time when each week can make a profound difference. Others didn’t meet strict eligibility criteria and were sent away. Many never returned. Their distress wasn’t dramatic or disruptive enough to trigger alarm, but it was constant, corrosive and deeply isolating.

Those experiences shaped my work ever since.

Perinatal mental health support isn’t just about treating illness; it’s about recognising what this life stage demands. A woman’s brain undergoes more change during the transition to motherhood than at any other time in her life, including adolescence. Hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, physical recovery, identity change and increased responsibility all collide at once. Expecting emotional stability under those conditions is unrealistic.

What makes it harder is the silence. Parenthood is still framed as something we should be endlessly grateful for. Struggling is often interpreted, by parents themselves as much as anyone else, as a personal failure. Shame thrives in that space.

When people do reach out for help, they often apologise for needing it.

But needing support during pregnancy or early parenthood doesn’t mean something has gone wrong. It means something significant is happening.

We know the stakes are high. Depression affects up to one in seven mothers during the perinatal period¹. Suicide remains a frequent cause of maternal death in the year after birth². These aren’t rare outcomes at the edges of the system; they’re signals that the system itself hasn’t kept pace with what families actually need.

One of the most effective ways to change this is to make care easier to reach.

Telehealth has quietly transformed what’s possible for parents. For someone caring for a newborn, juggling feeding schedules and chronic sleep deprivation, attending an in-person appointment can feel insurmountable. Add long travel distances for regional families, and support becomes inaccessible before it even begins.

Being able to speak to a specialist from home, without arranging childcare or travelling hours, removes a huge barrier. When that care is bulk-billed, it removes another. Together, those things make early support a realistic option rather than an ideal.

Over the years, I’ve seen how quickly outcomes improve when parents can access the right care at the right time. They seek help earlier. They feel less alone. They gain language for what they’re experiencing instead of turning it inward as self-blame. Relationships stabilise. Confidence grows.

Fathers and non-birthing parents benefit from this too. It’s estimated around one in ten experience perinatal anxiety or depression³, yet many feel invisible in conversations about parenthood. Inclusive, family-centred mental health care recognises that wellbeing doesn’t exist in isolation. It should be relational, contextual and shared.

What gives me hope is seeing greater recognition that perinatal mental health services need to reach as many families as possible, wherever they live. Expanding telehealth options nationally isn’t about convenience or efficiency; it’s about equity. A parent’s access to support shouldn’t depend on their postcode, their income, or their capacity to wait until things become unbearable.

We don’t need parents to be tougher. We need systems that are kinder.

Parenthood is transformative, but it’s also destabilising. It can be joyful and frightening, meaningful and exhausting, sometimes all in the same hour. Supporting mental health during this period isn’t about removing those complexities; it’s about ensuring parents aren’t left to navigate them alone.

If there’s one message I hope parents hear more clearly, it’s this: struggling during pregnancy or early parenthood does not mean you are failing. It means you are human, responding to one of life’s biggest transitions.

And if we want healthier families and stronger communities, we need to start by making sure that support is not the exception, but the expectation.

About the Research & Citations

1. https://www.cope.org.au/uploads/images/Fact-Sheets/Consumer-PMH-Fact-Sheets/COPE_Postnatal-Depression_Consumer-Fact-Sheet.pdf
2. https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/mothers-babies/australias-mothers-babies/contents/maternal-deaths
3. https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/mothers-babies/perinatal-mental-health-screening-australia/contents/what-is-perinatal-mental-health

About the author:

Frances Bilbao is an advocate for mothers, an experienced health sector leader, founder, Director and Clinical Psychologist. She is the 2024 Womens’ Agenda Small Business Leader of the Year, a 2024 Cartier Womens’ Initiative Fellow, the 2024 Telstra Business Awards Championing Health VIC State Winner and 2020-2021 Allied Health Awards Psychologist of the Year for her establishment and operation of Mums Matter Psychology, a leading perinatal psychology practice with a social conscience. Frances values human connection and is a passionate adventurer. Life excites her and she is always seeking out new experiences and knowledge. Whether it’s travelling or delving deep into the human mind as a Clinical Psychologist, she thrives on curiosity.

Frances is a full member of the Australian Psychological Society (APS) where she is the National Convenor of the Perinatal and Infant Psychology Interest group and Fellow of the College of Clinical Psychologists. She has over 10 years of clinical experience working with clients in the perinatal phase and has presented at various perinatal mental health and maternal and child health conferences. Frances also has extensive experience working on projects across multiple industries in her former career as a management consultant and has a passion for community development. 

About HealthBright

HealthBright is a digital mental health provider that aims to improve access to mental health for all Australians. Through a network of specialist online services including Online Psychologists Australia, Someone.health, Call to Mind, Clear Minds and Mums Matter, HealthBright supports individuals, families and organisations with practical, evidence-based care delivered by experienced clinicians. Its mission is clear: to offer high-quality, accessible, and affordable mental health support whenever and wherever it’s needed.