The decision of whether to allow visitors at the hospital after your baby arrives is a very personal one. Whilst some mothers can’t wait to open the doors to their loved ones and show off their new baby, others want privacy and the time to get to know their new addition, and learn how to feed them and care for them in peace. Generally, if you and your partner communicate your expectations in advance to your family they can support you and respect your wishes and visit you and your new baby when you are ready. However, some people may feel that they are entitled to meet your child as soon as they enter this world – as one expectant mum has found out!

I (35F) and my partner (39M) are expecting our first child together. I’ve been booked in for a C-Section next month coz bubs is HUGE and it is a risk trying to deliver him/her naturally. Onto the issue at hand.

Hubby’s mother is hugely entitled. She’s in her 60s and usually gets her way with everything because if she doesn’t she throws a tantrum. An actual temper tantrum that you would expect from a toddler. The only thing missing from said tantrum is her throwing herself onto the floor.

Anyway, yesterday Hubby told her that we weren’t doing visitors at the hospital. Actually what he said was “Wife doesn’t want anyone there, so no-one is coming to the hospital” and she lost it. She’s been blowing up his phone non stop talking about how I’m disrespecting her as a grandmother by withholding her grandson from her and that she has the right to see him and be there. She’s been calling me rude and disrespectful, saying things about how I’m being disgusting by treating her this way and that she’ll just show up anyway because she’s not coming to see me so it shouldn’t matter.

I get that She’s excited to be a grandma for the 5th time over, but this is my FIRST child and I’m having a caesarian. I don’t want people there. I don’t want anyone there (aside from Hubby). My own mother has been told not to visit at the hospital and she’s fine with respecting my wishes but now his mother is losing the plot and is threatening to not have anything to do with the kid if she’s not there to meet him the day that he is born (this is a valid threat for her. She refused to have anything to do with her first grandchild for over a year because she didn’t get to meet him the day he was born.).

My response was to tell her to go and jump (in nicer words) but Hubby keeps pressuring me to give her what she wants to keep the peace and honestly, I feel like ass about it.

My family is on my side, his dad doesn’t care either way, and he doesn’t speak to the rest of his family so they’re a non issue. It’s just his mother. He keeps bringing up alternate scenarios such as what if she only comes to the nursery not to the hospital room or what if he takes the baby out to see her so that I don’t have to see her. It’s making me feel like crap. I don’t want anyone there, regardless as to whether they want to see me or not. This is my first child and I want bonding time with him/her. I want time to recover from being sliced open. I want time for my hormones to settle, to get used to breastfeeding, all of the things that new mums have to get used to. But he’s making me feel unreasonable by asking people to stay away from the hospital. It’s not like they have to wait months. Assuming everything goes well, we’ll be out of the hospital in 3 days. But he’s making me feel like crap about it. So I am turning to you, Reddit. AITA for not wanting visitors in the hospital after my c-section?

People were stunned that the husband was too gutless to stand up to his mother, and stick up for his wife.

NTA. He needs to stop trying to find work arounds to appease his mother and instead find work arounds to make damn sure you and his baby are prioritized and respected. If my mom started calling my husband rude and disrespectful for having reasonable (or unreasonable for that matter) boundaries – we would be having a serious conversation about HER lack of respect for me and my relationship. If keeping the peace with mom is so important, maybe he should be living with her instead of you. (LoneStarTexasTornado)

Many people counselled the woman to stick to her guns on this, as her mother-in-law would never respect her boundaries if she got her own way on this.

It’s time to build boundaries and stick with them – giving in just a little means she knows she can overrule you and will push back on everything. She will demand to kiss the baby and put the baby on its stomach and add rice filler to his bottle and snatch the baby away from you. Frankly you need to learn to stand your ground now because once your baby is a toddler you have to teach them pretty much the same way, by not giving in to tantrums. (Music_withRocks_In)

NTA. Tell the hospital to keep her out. Blow up at your husband the next time he utters a peep, and tell him that the subject is CLOSED, and that you don’t want to hear another fucking word about her. If he or she bothers you again, you will ensure that she NEVER meets her grandson.

You need to win this battle, now. If you don’t, she’ll run right over you for your baby’s entire childhood. (south3y)

As many people pointed out, the people that enable the mother-in-law to trample on other people’s boundaries for a quiet life were just as much of a problem as her.

NTA.

And she behaves like this because people give in to keep the peace.

She can wait like the rest of the family. (cmdoubled)

So, while your MIL sounds like a freaking nightmare you don’t have a MIL problem— you have a Momma’s Boy problem.

People (of all ages) throw tantrums because they work for them. MIL throws tantrums because “momma’s good boy” gives her what she wants.

Hard not to notice that your husband didn’t say “WE’RE not having visitors at the hospital” like an adult man would say but “She’s not” basically throwing YOU under the bus and leaving the subject up for negotiation (since he’s telegraphing to her that he’s fine with her coming).

Your husband is a father now TIME FOR HIM TO GROW THE HECK UP.

The fact that your MIL “retaliated” against a previous hospital ban by not seeing her grandchild for a year sounds like some sort of mental health issue.

Be CLEAR with your husband that you are VERY disappointed in him as a husband, father, and as a man for not having your back on this and be VERY clear that you’ve spoken with your doctor and the hospital and there will be NO visitors at the hospital–and you absolutely won’t be changing your mind.

Tell him that you understand his mom has mental health issues but you can’t help with that and it’s way past time for her to see a therapist. Point out the situation with the previous grandchild and that if she’d genuinely felt love for that child she’d have been the first one at the house to visit– but instead she ignored the child for a year so it wasn’t about love or bonding but about exerting control.

I’m honestly concerned that if your husband isn’t man enough to have his wife’s back how will he handle taking care of you and the baby during the 4 to 6 weeks required to recover from a C section? (cellticmusebooks)

What do you think she should do? How would you deal with a pushy mother-in-law and a unsupportive partner like this?