Being asked to support someone during their labour is a privilege and comes with certain responsibilities. Childbirth is not a spectator sport. If you are in that delivery room with the labouring mother, it is your job to make her feel safe and advocate for her if she is in a position that she can’t do it herself. One very upset new mum has taken to the ever popular AITAH (Am I the asshole) to ask if she is wrong for not wanting her mother in the delivery room with her again after the recent birth of her first child.

So I (18) F and my partner (20) M had a baby this year & I was so excited everything went amazing right up until I was in labour.

I said to my mother she can be in the delivery room as long as she respects my special time with my newborn & my boundaries. (My rules) – I want to be the one to announce I had my baby & DO NOT send the photos of my (birth) to anyone.

The day of my labour I allowed her and my partner in the delivery room. I asked if both of them could take photos and videos. I was so happy and felt very respected during my labour. After I gave birth she told me she’s already messaged her friends her “considered family” that I was in labour and sent photos of my seconds-old newborn baby to them before I even had the chance to see them. She sent very venerable photos of me. Such as my nipple since I was about to breast feed for my first time. I felt incredibly violated and disrespected I told her they were on a need-to-know basis and she didn’t have the right to do that. She replied with there like family and it’s all girls but they also have partners that are males and they showed them too.

so AITAH for not allowing my mother in the delivery for my next child?

Wow! It’s hard to believe that her mother doesn’t see anything wrong with what she has done. She was given very clear instructions on what her daughter expected of her and completely disregarded them. Not only did she steal her daughter’s thunder and announce the baby’s arrival to her friends first, she also shared images of the baby and mum during an intimate bonding moment without any reagard for her daughter’s modesty!

As you might expect, EVERYONE was on the side of the new mum and supported her decision not to allow her mother into the delivery room if and when she was pregnant again.

Trample a boundary; lose a privilege. Simple. She didn’t think your rules applied to her, and had no intention of following them, no matter what promises she might have made. She’ll do it again. NTA. (South3y)

Oh gah, your Mom sounds like my aunt (and my mom too, frankly). I received some very explicit photos of my cousin and her new baby seconds after the little bundle had arrived, forwarded from my mom who’d recieved them from my aunt to all her siblings. I immediately edited the photo to crop out the explicit parts and told my partner “I’m a thousand percent sure that ‘my cousin’ is not going to be excited about the entire family seeing all her business.” Minutes later I get a text asking me to please delete the photo as my cousin was not comfortable with it being shared. Apparently my aunt and mom were so focused on the baby that they didn’t even notice that the picture showed literally everything. (ToadseyeGem)

NTA. Was it that hard for her to listen? It’s definitely not ok to send naked photos of you to her friends.. also it’s your baby and not hers. You decide whatever you feel good with. (Pincowish)

Not even close to AH. You’re enforcing a boundary because she couldn’t respect it the first time. How DARE she? Completely unhinged behaviour and you’re completely justified in not giving her access to any future labour, birth or newborns you have. (TheHappinessPT)

Some people questioned why someone would want their mum in the delivery room if they already had their partner with them.

NTA. I have never understood someone’s mother being in the delivery room in the first place. A partner, of course, but only mom if the partner is unable to be present or there isn’t one in the picture.

What your mother did was awful, stealing your moment away from you and making it all about her. Not giving you veto on which photos she shared was an appalling violation. Definitely keep her out of the delivery room and make sure that hospital staff are full aware that only your husband is permitted in until you give permission. It will also give you a chance to recover a bit and have together time with the baby before you allow visitors. (Far_Administration41)

A professional doula also weighed in on the discussion, reassuring the new mum that not only was she within her rights to ban her mother from future delivery rooms, but it was probably also preferable after such a violation. Labouring women need to feel safe and supported.

I work as a doula sometimes. It is absolutely, and totally fine for you not to have your mother there. The most important thing is for you, the birthing person to feel safe. If she makes you feel unsafe, that will not help the labour process. Aka, she shouldn’t be there, you don’t need to feel bad about it. Do what’s best for you, your partner and child/future kid. (Dobierox)

Another person raised the fact that what her mother had done – disseminating naked images of her without her consent –  was potentially illegal!`

My colleague gave a client in similar circumstances very helpful advice for birthing photos. Technically, it is the distribution of unconsented pornographic materials, and the creator and sender can be easily arrested and jailed. Especially if the newborn infant is fully exposed.

Due to new distribution laws, even posting nude newborns on social media can get you placed on a sex offender’s list, even if you are the parent.

OP NTA.

But I’d be letting her know she needs to remove all photos pertaining to you and your child, as you never consented, and she deliberately showed your partially nude body. She can claim her friends won’t do anything malicious, but it is your body, and she wilfully and knowingly distributed those photos. (OriginalDogeStar)

What would you do in this new mums position?