What is the etiquette when it comes to baby showers? Should you have one for each baby or are they only for the first child? One recently pregnant woman whose best friend was planning on throwing her a baby shower for her second child was met with some hostility and told it was tacky to have a baby shower for a second child and a blatant gift grab.

So, I (40F) have struggled with PCOS since I was diagnosed at 16. I was told at 18 I had less that 1% chance to get pregnant with out medical help. My husband (36M) and I tried for 4 years, and right when I was about to talk to my doctor about what the next steps would be for treatment, I ended up pregnant and gave birth to our son.

When our son was 4, we started trying for a second baby, knowing that while it would be a long journey, it was possible. We did look into getting the medical help this time, but my insurance wouldn’t cover it and we did not have the money to afford it, so we just prayed that the old fashion way would work like it did with our son.

Well, our son is now 10, and I had basically given up on having a second child when we found out that I was once again pregnant! We were over the moon on being able to complete our family. We told our son, who is beyond excited to be a big brother, and told our families and friends the good news. I couple of weeks later, at a BBQ a friend was hosting, I was talking to my best friend about it and she was excited to plan my baby shower for me. She was unable to plan the shower for my son because she lived too far away and was busy with working and grad school, so to get a chance to do it this time made her happy. A couple of other people over heard us and starting telling us that it was tacky to have a baby shower for the second born child, that only an attention seeking AH would throw a second baby shower. My argument is that it has been 10 years since my son was an infant and we have either gotten rid of most of our baby things or they have expired. The only things we have are our sons baby blankets and some sentimental baby clothes our son wore.

These people scoffed and told me that if we couldn’t afford a second baby, we shouldn’t have a second baby and walked away. The rest of the party they stood over on the other side of the yard and kept glancing at me and my best friend, sneering and giggling among themselves. My mood was ruined, and just went through the motions of the rest of the party. I ended up excusing myself early, claiming to be tired and nauseous from the pregnancy (the friend lives about two doors away from my house, so it was a quick walk home).

A little while later my husband came home, my best friend filled him in on what happened. He told me to forget about those women, that they were just jealous and bitter mean girls who haven’t really left high school. He said that we can still have a baby shower if we want. But now I’m wondering, even though it has been 10 years, if I would be an attention seeking AH for having a baby shower for baby #2. So Reddit, WIBTA??

Opinions were divided on the subject with many people questioning why you couldn’t have a baby shower as many times as you wanted to.

NTA. You are free to celebrate and welcome your baby however you see fit, as long as the celebration doesn’t harm or endanger others. The people you invite are also free to accept or decline the invitation, those people had no business given their unwanted opinion about a party that doesn’t affect them at all. (Responsible_Hope_831)

I thought baby shower was to celebrate the baby to be and mother, how can that be considered tacky? Yes if you keep popping babies like one year after the other, might be expensive for those attending but this is not the case here. Don’t think about others, DO NOT INVITE THEM, and enjoy your second pregnancy and baby shower, even this baby deserves a party 🤗 (bomdiggybomgirl)

Sorry but a baby shower is only for the first child ? Why ? I thought it was like a little party to congratulate the parents and bring some gifts for the baby NTA for me, you can express your joy and have fun ! Congrats ! (Charmed-0210)

NTA. You can have a baby shower for your new baby. Heck, if you have 5 kids and do 5 baby showers why not?

I didn’t realise that people think you should only have one. Surely a baby shower is to celebrate the new life you have created, whether it’s the first or the fifth? NTA (Nonbinary_Cryptid)

Other people in the comment section were adamant that baby showers were for firstborn babies only.

I agree with the friends. I think it’s very tacky to have another baby shower after you’ve already had one. It isn’t your friends/family’s fault that you got rid of baby items after your first. I’d skip the shower. Anybody that wants to bring a gift after baby is born will do it on their own. Without a shower, nobody feels obligated and you don’t look like a greedy ass for having a 2nd shower. (Original-Room-4642)

Some people suggested that subsequent baby showers are called ‘sprinkles’ since the parents can expect to receive fewer, less expensive gifts due to the assumption that they already have the majority of what they need. But, given the age gap between her children, a lot of people felt that she was an exception to the one-baby-shower-only rule.

NTA. There’s actually a term for it, a sprinkle. Totally reasonable considering the amount of time between the kids. (TigerGuitarist)

And especially since the friend is throwing it, not OP throwing it for themselves. We threw a sprinkle for a friend of ours when she had her second baby and there were only two years between the two. It’s totally fine as long as it’s a celebration and y’all are chill about gifts. (No super demanding expensive registry or “gifts required” or whatever weird shit you sometimes hear about that would make it seem like a cash/gift grab.) (oliviamrow)

While it is generally frowned upon to have a shower for a second (or third or whatever number) baby, I believe there has long been an exception for situations like yours, where the gap between children means the parents no longer have baby stuff from the first one.

But even if that weren’t true, it is incredibly rude to criticize others’ manners the way those people did yours and your friend’s, so they were doubly in the wrong.

I hope you enjoy your (in no way inappropriate) shower, and your second beautiful baby. (GothisGingerbread)

NTA. I think after ten years a baby shower is more than appropriate. If you want to sneak it in under the radar call it a sprinkle.

Or a downpour! I mean it’s been ten years. You likely didn’t hold onto cribs or strollers or car seat or high chairs – and likely shouldn’t have held onto the middle one because they do have a product life/safety dates/etc.

Celebrate your upcoming addition and just skip inviting the party poopers. (punnymama)

As one commenter pointed out, people seem to have parties for all kinds of bizarre baby-related reasons these days, so a second baby shower was hardly an issue.

It’s just a babyshower. Some people do a pregnancy reveal shower, then a gender reveal, a baby moon, then a babyshower, then a hatchelorette and then a sip & see (aka a baby reveal after birth) (Remarkable_Spite9454)

What do you think? Is it okay to have a baby shower for each child, or should it be for first children only?

P.s. We should totally make hatchelorette parties a thing though, don’t you think?