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Disco Balls and Chicken Fillet Disasters

boobs

 

The β€˜girls’ have received a record amount of attention this week.

And when I say β€˜the girls’ of course I am referring to my bosoms…and I am not referring to Hubbster’s misguided attempts at nipple tweaking whilst I am pouring gravy on the roast (no that was NOT a euphemism) or the few minutes I spent hovering around the bust line with a pair of tweezers scanning for strays after plucking my mustache eyebrows.

No…this kind of attention is of the highest caliber as it was attracted

  • from other women, and,
  • whilst they were appropriately covered.Β  (Unlike numerous nights during my misspent but do-againable youth when low cut tops and push up bras ruled my world.

After a life-time of considering myself to be less than blessed in the boobage department, my new breast-appreciation comes as something of a surprise.Β  It all began last week, whilst in the schoolyard, sporting my new hair colour job, one of the school mums, fresh from an Intima lingerie party commented β€œDon’t take this the wrong way but your boobs are looking great today.”  <Insert appropriate circular hand-gestured around her own bosoms for the hard of hearing and you have the general gist.>

Then, a few days later, over a breakfast date, out of the blue a friend blurted out β€œWhat is going on with your boobs today?Β  Are you wearing chicken fillets?Β  They are looking awesome!”

That is when I almost spat my latte in her face by accident.

You see…at the grand old age of 20, after a very embarrassing incident involving me, an extremely hot guy, a series of carefully executed drunken dance moves, and a hot sweaty silicone chicken fillet plopping out of my bra and onto the dancefloor…I vowed to give up on the artificial enhancements and instead β€˜shake what my mumma gave me. β€˜

Despite my fears to the contrary, it seems my lady-lumps may finally be getting the accolades they deserve! Ha!

Am I the only one with an embarrassing boob-related story?

Jolene

Jolene

Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.