With Mother’s day just around the corner many of us have started to drop hints for that cute cardigan we’ve had our eye on for a while, compiling our wish list of a sleep-in, breakfast in bed, or a massage, and others of us (like me) will be buying ourselves that cute cardigan we’ve had our eye on, and telling our husband’s that (like all the other gift buying events of the year) we’ve already taken care of it.
But, I wondered, what do the menfolk think of this annual event in which the fairer sex put down their floor-mops and briefcases and are thanked for bringing their offspring into the world.
So today, The Other Half, I’m asking the Daddy bloggers:
If money and time, etc was no object what would you do for your partner on Mother’s day? …..and….What will you actually do/gift them?
Travis ‘Chubba’ Bull – Tacklenappy
The first thing I would do is hire a babysitter and grab a beer out of the fridge and sit on the couch and watch the footy.. oh what would I do for my wife. Umm I would love nothing more than going for a romantic hot air balloon ride with her obviously, followed by champagne and chocolates. Then there would be a limo waiting to whisk her off to a day spa to get a very very very long massage.
In reality I will try and sneak the present inside the day before, only to have my daughter blurt out what it is. The kids would both be up at 5am (the excitement would be too much). We would then attempt to make breaky in bed and I not the kids would ruin the toast by not buttering it the right way. You know out to the edges of the bread, right out to the edges. The kids would then give the present and my daughter will then have a tantrum over why she didn’t get a mother’s day present when she is mother to two of her dolls. Oh joy I can see it now.
Bucky – Aussie Dad Bloggers
Money and time are the main things we need in life right now and my wife Quigs would be totally happy with some time to herself along with a little extra coin. But that’s too easy. I guess I could buy her a time machine so that she could relive great memories and catch up with loved ones who are no longer with us. This would be great but I’m scared she’ll take the opportunity to go back to the day we met… and un-meet. I’m also scared she’ll return from the future with some nutty professor or Dr Who.
So, given money and time are no object, I’ll be spending big on the best 4×4 I can find and a rusty old Jayco caravan. Quigs is determined to pack up in a couple of years and take the family around Australia to re-trace the steps of the around Australia trip she did as a young child. I know this doesn’t sound ultra-romantic…getting it on in the corner of an ol’ Jayco (oh, did my mind just shift to sex again…sorry) but it’s a desire that’s constantly burning brightly in the back of her mind. Perhaps I’d find a newer Jayco, but they just don’t make ’em like the used to.
In the real world, I’ll be racing down to the shops last minute, cobbling together whatever gift cards I’ve received from recent brand events, trying to find her something she could really use…I’ll probably end up buying her pyjamas and a pair of novelty slippers that look like monster feet.
Love you babe, Happy Mother’s Day…now let’s go pretend we’re sleeping in the corner of an old rusty Jayco…
Fast Lane Dad
I would whisk her and the boys away to a faraway island – having made sure first that Grandy could feed the cats.. where the boys and I would make sure that her every whim and need was catered for and more. The boys would all make cards, possibly with macaroni glued to the front, full of messages
pledging her their eternal love and that one day they will all marry her..
Sorry boys, I’m there first!
The reality is that we will probably have a lie in until about 9, the boys will crawl out of bed then remember it’s Mothers day and hyperactivly give FLMum her pressie and maybe a cup of tea. Then the boys will get dragged to AFL where they will love it once they’re there. We’ll come home after coffee and sausage sizzle, have a Sunday roast cooked by yours truly, boys to bed and fall asleep on the sofa in each others arms. Happy Mothers Day!
Dad Down Under
There is no end to what I would gift my beautiful wife this Mothers Day if money were no object. I’ve put a lot of thought into this, too much probably and I have arrived at a fairly drastic outcome. I would put myself through the pain and the trauma of all the plastic surgery, elocution lessons and gym workouts required for me to look, sound and feel like Ryan Gosling. I would do that for her just to give her a night or indeed a life with Ryan.
Of course this would also mean that I wouldn’t have to sit through any more of his films and would no longer have to mop up the drool from her chin. I would no longer have to dress up with a golf glove, a satin jacket with a scorpion embroidered in the back and a tooth pick just to give her a Drive moment. I would no longer be woken by my wife’s cries of “Ryan, Ryan” in her sleep. Generally I would no longer have to share my wife with a man that lives in Los Angeles and only makes visits in her head.
Unfortunately for her money is an object and there will be no plastic surgery, no dodgy Canadian accents and she will have to make do with a six pack of beer. Instead I will spend the day trying to convince her that she doesn’t need Ryan, that me and Max can give her more than Ryan ever would, I appreciate that this won’t be easy.
I have put together a photo book crammed full of mum and son’s best bits over the past two years, which I know she will adore. I will also be making a little voucher pack that can be redeemed at the Bank of Dad. Vouchers include; a night out with the girls, a night off all household chores, breakfast in bed, a lie in and a massage. If all of that fails I will put on my Ryan Gosling mask that she ordered online and whisper Canadian words in her ear, like maple syrup, ice hockey and Toronto.
Aside from recognising the wonderful work of mum all of a sudden Father’s Day has a little bit more significance as the more leg work I put into Mother’s Day the more I can expect to reap on that all important Sunday in September.
I’d rent Buckingham Palace for a couple of nights and find ten of the world’s greatest jousters and offer them the price of my wife’s hand in marriage if they could defeat me in a jousting competition.
For the entire time I would wear shining armour and carry a very big jousting stick (one that was just a little bigger than all the others) because I’ve always felt she deserved one of those…
While I was defeating everyone effortlessly and flipping the face-shield on my knight-helmet to wink at her I’d have some of those jester-midget types dancing around wearing colourful cow-udder looking hats on their heads and I’d yell ‘Knees up for your Queen Jester-Midgets!’ if they started to look tired, and then I would behead one of them just to make sure the others knew I was serious.
After I’d romantically won back her hand after offering it up as a prize to other broad-shouldered testosterone-breathing men I’d sit with her and watch the sunset silhouetting the jester-midget’s impaled head – which I’d placed on a stick just beyond the jousting area – and after a while I would order the defeated jousters to remove my helmet so I could lean in and try to kiss her, like that time back in Mortlake when we’d only just met and I said, ‘Close your eyes I’ve got a surprise for you’, only this time I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t butt my face away with the palm of her hand and would actually let our lips meet (squee!!).
After that most romantic moment I’d summon the naked eunuch-minstrels to recite some group poetry in a high tone as we made love while I was still wearing body armour because, personally, I have always wanted to have sex dressed like that. And I’m sure she’d indulge me this one time after I went to all the effort with the Palace and everything.
What I’m actually going to do is give her a sleep-in, brekkie in bed, a foot-rub and a cuddle because she loves all of those things.
So there you have it ladies. So, if you don’t indeed get that lie-in you so-desperately yearn for because the children are so excited they NEED to give you their cards at 6am, or the budget is too tight to stretch to a fancy lunch, take solace in the fact that, if, if time and money was no object, we’d all be getting exactly what we deserve! And it’s the thought that counts!