Dad Chooses To Not Attend Son’s Wedding To Spend Time With Ex Daughter In Law Instead
As parents we think we’ll always support our own children but what happens when we feel they’re in the wrong. One father is questioning the decision of missing his son’s wedding in order to spend time and support his ex daughter in law. Do you think he did the right thing?
Writing into discussion forum Reddit, the man gives a background on the events which led him to miss his son’s wedding.
Quick backstory, after graduating high school my son moved 3 states away for college. At 19 he married a girl he met, I tried convincing him to wait because I personally felt he was too immature. They both dropped out and moved back here to his home town. At 20 they had their first child, a beautiful little girl. 16 months later, my DIL gave birth to their second child, a little boy.
After the first baby, my wife and I noticed our DIL wasn’t happy. We both thought it was PPD related. Just after the second arrived, my son and his wife separated. She would bring the kids over for a visit, it was then she began unloading on us. I know there’s two sides to every story, but considering I know my son, I believed her. I sat my son down numerous times to speak with him regarding his marriage. He refused to take responsibility, blamed her for everything even when I directly pointed out where he was the sole problem.
The dad then goes on to say that even with counselling the couple were never going to make it.
They got into counseling, for a year things were ‘ok’ on the surface. Our DIL filed for divorce, my son 3 days later was on Facebook announcing his new girlfriend. A month later, they were engaged. My son had forced his then wife to become a permanent SAHM at the birth of their first child. She of course had no other family or friends here, she knew no one aside from us. She had nowhere to go with two small children. Unbeknownst to our son, my wife and I helped her financially and got her an apartment.
Before the divorce was even finalized, we received a wedding invitation. I made it clear to my son, I would not be attending and they would not have my blessing. His mother told him she would see to it that I would attend. I stayed consistent in my decision, I also asked him not to bring his fiancée around our house out of respect for the mother of his children.
The wedding happened on Feb 11. The night before, my wife gave me the finial push. I did not attend. Our daughter, also did not attend for the same reasons. My wife picked up our grandkids, got them dressed and attended the wedding. My daughter and I decided to spend the evening with his ex. I couldn’t imagine her sitting alone, while her kid’s attended their father’s wedding.
Choosing to miss his son’s wedding was solely so he could be there to support the mother of his grandchildren. He felt she needed the support whereas his son had made a hasty decision to get married again so soon.
She was taken aback that I didn’t end up attending his wedding. We took her out to distract her mind. I just wanted her to know, she’ll always be considered family to us. My daughter also made a joke they can drop the in-law status and just be sisters now. She was very tearfully grateful, I realized just how badly she needed our support and specifically on that night.
The next morning, my son called to tell me how much of a horrible father I am for not attending his wedding. Few days later he caught wind that I spent the wedding evening with his ex. He said that was the ultimate form of betrayal, and further myself and his sister would have to earn an relationship with him on his terms only.
The father after receiving this message from his son began questioning whether he was in fact the a**hole for not being at the wedding. But after reading the mountains of comments on Reddit which supported his decision he realised he had in fact done the right thing. And in an updated post he wrote:
First, I’d like to sincerely thank each and everyone of you for your support, encouragement, and all the awards. I know without a doubt, I did the right thing. I even feel differently now, his mother should not have attended either. But we can’t go back and undo that.
So, my son saw the post. I had sent my daughter the link yesterday so she could read the comments. This morning she texts me at work…DAD YOU WENT VIRAL! Lol But anyways, he sent screenshots of the post and all my comments to his mom. He also told her…”He’s dead to me now.” Time will tell if he means that. I’m sure he’ll see this update too. For that reason, I’m positively certain the second he needs another cash loan I won’t be dead anymore.
His mom told him, “Your children have to be our number one priority.” They’re not just some disposable items you can leave behind when one chapter of your life closes. Maybe one day, he’ll understand this.
What do you think?