Real Housewives of Melbourne – Episode 10

We’re 10 episodes in of this season’s Housewives and the madness doesn’t look to be slowing down. There’s book launches, hen’s nights and face reveals.

First up we see Rick sitting in front of a diamond counter at Bensimon Diamonds with fiancé Gamble looking about as comfortable as Pauline Hanson at Yum Cha. Gamble can’t decide exactly how broke she wants to make Rick so the jeweller offers her both diamonds to take home to decide exactly which one is more suited to her.

It’s coming up to Spring Racing Carnival and Chyka is doing a spot of shopping with her daughter. This is no ordinary mother daughter shopping spree though – Chyka begins with hat shopping at Melissa Jackson and ends up at Le Louvre trying on back to back designer dresses. And why wouldn’t you? She looks amazing and I just love the Victoria Beckham dress she ended up wearing for Derby Day.

It’s Derby Day and the ladies are dressed in their finest black and white outfits. Janet is happy to be spending the day in a posh marquee without having to ‘kiss arse’ as she puts it. Gina spends some quality time with Gamble on the drive there telling her how uninteresting she finds Pettifleur. Mini me Gamble is hanging on every word Gina says and would possibly curl into her lap to be stroked by her if she could.

For someone who has no interest in Pettifleur, Gina sure spends a lot of time talking about her!

When the ladies finally get to the Lexus Marquee there’s a lot of squealing about how amazing they all look. And to be honest – with the exception of Jackie who looks like she has a giant dildo on her head- all the other ladies look beautiful! My favourite has to be Jackie who was wearing a spectacular headpiece by local designer Matcho Suba. Mucho Wow!

Derby Day turns out to be a fun filled affair with lots of champagne sipping, some horse betting (Jackie did not use her psychic powers to gamble) and more Pettifleur slamming.

It seems Gina is still caught up with the fact that PF has written a book even though she swears that she has only come up with one paragraph- “I’ve posted things on Facebook that are longer than that” says Gina. Possibly talking about her morning make up routine. Maybe.

Everything was going along smoothly until Gamble decided to explain exactly what you should be aiming for when getting a facelift. “There’s a fine line when getting plastic surgery. You don’t want to look like you’ve been sucking %$#@ all night.” And there it is. Straight from Ghetto Barbie herself.

Pettifleur is launching her book Switch the Bitch at Circa in Melbourne and all the ladies are there to support her. All except for Gina and Gamble that is. It seems like their main objective for being there is to knock Pettifleur down and belittle her efforts as much as they can. Gina has her passive aggressive behaviour and her bored facial expressions down pat. Gamble however has yet to master Gina’s subtlety in bringing her prey down. When Pettifleur finished her speech she opened the floor to questions and Gamble had her hand up in the air faster than Gina could pull out a compact to powder her face. “Who’s the publisher?” snapped Gamble. It takes a lot more than that to knock Miss Honey Pettifleur down. Without missing a beat she snaps

“I’m self published.” Boom!

It was so ugly to see Gina and Gamble whispering and gossiping about Pettifleur during the whole book launch. Thank goodness Mahatma Ghandi Jackie was there. She was swift in reprimanding the mean girls and lecturing them on how important it is to support each other rather than spending their energy and time trying to bring each other down.

The last scene is set at Gamble’s gorgeous beach side abode where she is hosting her hen’s party. The theme is Bond Girls and the ladies have gone all out with their outfits. Lydia and Janet have enough sequins on to make Liberace envious.

Chyka and Pettifleur are channelling their inner bitches by dressing as Bond himself in all black- and they look amazing! Gamble is barely dressed in a sheer little number. Jackie looks very couture and polished as always. But the most exciting happening of the evening was the fact that Gina Liano had A DIFFERENT HAIRSTYLE!! Did it look like she had Gamble’s new dog on her head? YES! But was it a different look? ABSOLUTELY! Now I’m waiting for the day she decides to wear anything except a pageant dress. Dream big!

The evening was also an opportunity for Gamble’s sister Tempest to reveal her new face after surgery. The ladies were quick to congratulate her and tell her how wonderful she looked. Pettifleur later commented that “Perhaps the surgery was too subtle. She may need to go back for more.” I may have to concur with Pettifleur on this one.

The hen’s party was in full swing with lots of awkward dancing, trying to balance on heels and not fall into the pool.

Chyka and Jackie had planned a little surprise for Gamble to spice things up a bit. The topless male waiters that had been walking around serving drinks suddenly morphed into strippers and Gamble suddenly morphed into an Academy award winning actress. She shrieked and closed her eyes in horror as the strippers gyrated within an inch of her face. “I have a phobia of strippers!” she screeched. Umm, what?? Someone please give this lady a Logie, I have never seen a more convincing performance since Meryl Streep uttered Dingo’s got my baby.

Janet on the other hand was so comfortable in the presence of strippers that she was stripping them and spanking their backsides repeatedly. Let’s just say that didn’t look like Janet’s first rodeo!

Amongst the gyrating and shrieks of mock horror, Gina still found time to stir up more trouble and start more gossip. She asked Gamble whether she realised her make up artist does the faces of strippers as well. Gamble looked confused. I’m sure she was trying to figure out whether that was a bad or a good thing. I must say though– WHO CARES?!

Gina this season really seems to be ready to rumble with everyone. She’s stirring the pot all the time and is bringing up the issue of Gamble being a stripper and hosting sex parties at every opportunity. Janet and Gamble have resolved their differences and have moved on – however Gina seems to be hanging on for some reason.

I think Gamble will tire of Gina’s constant bitching and backstabbing and will eventually leave her behind. We can only hope.

Stay tuned for next week’s episode, which will have more Mac eye shadow, stripper heels and designer bags than a drag queen’s dressing room!

Images source: Twitter @RHOMelbourne

Author: Chrystal Psaltopoulos Mother of twins, loving wife and vintage tragic. A child of the 80s who loves pop culture, Danish design and vegemite toast with honey. Loves fashion, reading autobiographies and has a knack for turning trash to treasure. Chrystal’s honest reflections are an insight into her colourful and at times crazy world. You can follow her blog at chrystalovevintage.wordpress.com