Woman Unlocks a New Vagina Spiders Phobia for All of Us After Not Looking When Wiping

An Australian woman has shared her monumental stuff up on Reddit’s TIFU (Today I Fucked Up) board explaining that she didn’t think to look at the toilet paper before using it, resulting in the most horrific realisation that she may now have “vagina spiders”.

The woman, who goes by the apt name u/spiderlooroll, explained that she was staying at a family friend’s granny flat on holidays rent-free. As her host was a visually impaired elderly gentleman, she had been helping him out with some cleaning here and there.

As most of us here in our beautiful country will no doubt be aware, Australia has more than her fair share of the world’s arachnid community. And the bathroom of her holiday accommodation had a lovely family of harmless Daddy Long Legs in residence.

“Cue the fuck up,” our heroine writes.

“Changed the loo roll today and didn’t notice till after I wiped that there were black spots and a little NEST OF SPIDER EGGS ON THE TOILET ROLL.”

“I showered immediately and scrubbed all aspects of my anatomy (vagina and butt). I’m PETRIFIED I’m going to have a spider crawling out of my vagina oh my god.”

Welp, none of us will ever go to the loo the same way again. This is one of those life-changing moments where we make references to “the before times”.

As soon as her post dropped, women Redditors began googling if spiders can live inside a human vagina.

Happily, it appears that they cannot.

“Okay, so it’s too wet, gooey, and squishy in there. Spiders don’t really like moist places and the vagina slime would make it hard for them to move,” helpfully wrote Redditor JollyNova.

So now she just has spider corpses all up in there?

Other commenters suggested that she now has superpowers.

“Look on the bright side. Maybe you’ll be able to shoot webs out of your froufrou. Not sure how that might be useful, unless you wanted to snare the last hors d’oeuvre from across the room, but it’d be a hell of a conversation starter,” wrote chmath80.

There is even a new theme song for our newest Spiderwoman:

“Thanks for that, I now have “spiders in vaginas” running round my brain to the tune of “Bananas in pyjamas” added Canderella1.

Always double-check your toilet paper, ladies. Especially in an unfamiliar place. Let this be a lesson for all of us.