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“My Ex Husband Said That It’s My Fault He Cheated on Me with My Best Friend Because I Gained Weight!”

Finding out that your spouse has cheated on you is hard enough, but finding out they did it with your best friend is something else altogether! One man, having blown up his marriage by sleeping with his wife’s best friend, had the gall to tell her a couple of years later that he was feeling frustrated with her. You see, in the time they’d been separated, she’d lost 34kg due to her heartbreak, and had even started going to the gym – and he once again found her ‘beautiful.’

I know! How dare she?!

I found out that my husband was cheating on me with my best friend last year. My best friend is very beautiful and she has always been fit. I have always loved how I look but I am a happy eater. When I met my husband I weighed 64kg. I am 169 cm “tall”. By happy eater, I mean that when I am sad I can’t eat. I lose my appetite. When I’m happy however, I love food because everything tastes a million times better. Everyone knows this about me and some people find it weird. We were together for 10 years when he cheated. I weighed 89kg. We never discussed why he cheated I was just shell shocked for the longest time and when I came out of my trance, the reasons didn’t matter anymore. I weigh 57kg now. I lost it all in a few months then I had to start working out because I was losing so much muscle. I found new joy in working out. Now I lift weights 5 times a week.

We decided that I have full custody until our son is 3 years old so we don’t confuse him with different homes. Instead, my ex husband takes him for a few hours every day. Now he just visits my apartment since I stopped wanting to vomit every time I saw him. I use the time to do chores or relax/work out or go out with friends. Yesterday I went for a brunch with some girlfriends. When I got home, my ex husband looked at me weird. He has been looking weird at me lately but I haven’t bothered asking because I avoid any conversations outside of our son. He told me that I looked beautiful. I ignored it so he got upset. He started bawling and said that he wished I made this effort when we were still married. He never loved anyone else. Cheating was his biggest regret but that I share the blame too. I am an ah for doing this to him now, looking this way. I didn’t know what to say first. I was raging inside and I wanted to hit him or cry. I told him well, you should not have made me happy during our marriage then. He called me an ah for my attempted joke and left. This is our first fight since what happened.

I don’t know now, deep down I feel that there’s some truth in what he said. If I only put more effort, my son would have had his parents together. I feel so much guilt. I have cried nonstop since yesterday.

Commenters assured her that she had nothing to feel guilty for and that he had no right to be upset with her for the bad decisions he made.

Tell him, “I wish you had said ‘if you don’t lose weight I’m going to bang your best friend’. I would have left you THEN and saved us a load of time.” (Stanton1947)

Your size does not determine his integrity. You can lose weight, he can never un-cheat. (Open-Incident-3601)

NTA! Please don’t let the cheater make you feel guilty! If he was uncomfortable with your appearance, he should have just said it in a KIND way, and then you would have come up with something together, as married people do. But nooo he just cheated. Your son deserves his mom to be happy and healthy, not with someone who will cheat instead of protecting his marriage and then blame you. (Luna_stay)


He probably didn’t have any problems with your weight, he just saw an opportunity and took it. And now you look even more beautiful than you did most likely bc you’re unavailable now. Men are morons. (Meat-Head-Barbie)

People pointed out that weight can fluctuate, and that it’s no way to measure a persons worth, or grounds for adultery. If she were to get back with him, what’s to say he wouldn’t do it again if she gained a few kilos.

NTA. Your weight didn’t knock him off balance, naked, on top of another girl. He found some other woman attractive and acted on it, rather than have an adult conversation with you, or distancing himself from the temptation.

I was 5’8 and 135 pounds when I met my husband. It’s been 20 years and three kids, and I do not look or weigh the same. Neither does he: he’s put on some weight and gone gray. And you know what? He still tells me how beautiful I am, and I still think he looks like Geralt in The Witcher.

People change after ten years. Bodies don’t stay the same. Metabolism changes, hormones change. We age. And if he loved you, truly loved you for who you are inside (and wasn’t a selfish prick), he wouldn’t dream of hurting you by cheating on you, and would still love you no matter what your weight/you look like. (1uumfp)


Nta. People go through weight fluctuations. Some more than others. It sounds like you will always fluctuate up and down since your eating is closely tied to emotions. Some people struggle more with food. If his condition on not cheating is how good you look that’s a ticking time bomb. There’s all kinds of illnesses that can permanently change your appearance. There’s phases we go through too. I know I’ve had many months at many different times with 4 little kids where I just stopped doing self care. Maybe an aging sick parent needs a caregiver and you go through the cycle all over again. Were your marriage vows I’ll protect and love you unless you drop below a 7. (SwimmingJello2199)

People advised her to make a new life for herself, enjoy both her new hot bod and her ex-husband’s regret.

Your husband is the asshole. Don’t pay any attention to what he says. The best revenge is moving on with your life and looking fit and attractive. (joe-lefty500)

What do you think?

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Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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