A recently divorced man is wondering whether he is right to be worried about the safety of his children after receiving an anonymous tip-off that his ex-wife has an account on a Sugar Daddy website.

I’m a 35M, recently divorced from my 28F ex-wife. We were together for 7 years and have two kids (6 and 3). We split custody, with me having the kids two days a week. We’ve tried to keep things amicable for the kids’ sake, despite our differences (she thought I wasn’t ambitious enough, among other reasons for the split).

I’ve known she’s been dating, which is fine, it’s her life. But recently, I got a text from an unknown number with a screenshot of her profile on a sugar dating site. Worried, I made a free account to see if it was really her, and yep, it was. Her profile was right there at the top, featured as one of the top sugar babies in our area.

What really got me worried was how her profile talked about offering a “judgment-free zone,” “quality adult interactions,” and “intimate companionship.” The implications are pretty clear.

I’m not here to judge her life choices, but my concern is about how this could impact our kids, especially if it gets out or influences her lifestyle in a way that affects them. And the fact that someone anonymously sent this to me suggests it’s not exactly private.

This morning I forwarded the text to my ex as a heads-up. She called me, and we had a long talk. I expressed my concerns about the kids. She assured me she wouldn’t bring anyone home but also said that if she found a regular arrangement, she couldn’t guarantee they wouldn’t come to her place. She got defensive, saying I had no right to make demands. I got upset, mentioned possibly talking to our lawyer, and might have said some things in the heat of the moment.

Am I the asshole for confronting her about this and worrying about how it might affect our kids?

The comments section was divided by people who thought that he should contact a lawyer immediately, and document everything, and those that thought he should mind his own business.

NTA talk to your divorce attorney about this. It’s concerning that she basically said “I won’t bring them home, but I probably will” and you have every right to be concerned. (Jerseygirl2468)

Does your custody arrangement have a clause for when it is acceptable to introduce a new partner?

Share this information with your lawyer regardless so that they are aware and prepared to take next steps regardless. Take screenshots of everything.

Be a safe place for your kids to talk about what is happening and who they are meeting. I would consider family counseling so you build this neutral environment and habit of communicating before it is needed. (BestAd5844)

Many people pointed out that his ex-wife was not technically ‘dating’ as being paid or given gifts in exchange for sex makes it sex work, and that this behaviour was inappropriate around children.

She’s a sex worker. That’s quite a different situation to getting a new partner.

She’s dressing it up as something different but at it’s heart that’s what “sugar baby” arrangements are – money or other things of value in exchange for sex.

I’d be just as concerned as OP if my kids were spending any time in the company of sex workers – including their mother. (BlockySprite)

NTA, and you should absolutely immediately talk to your lawyer.

I’m not one to stigmatize sex-work, but bringing her clients around your children is incredibly inappropriate and dangerous. (Mbt_Omega)

If she is bringing strange men around your children, particularly for essentially prostitution, you have a say.

If this is what she wants to do, she needs to keep it out of the house. What if one of her hook ups she cut off starts coming around because he knows where she lives?

NTA. (waxonwaxoff87)

However, not everyone agreed. Some people argued that what she did in private had no bearing on her parenting.

People have sex when their kids aren’t around. Not sure what everyone is getting upset about. And it’s definitely not enough to change the custody arrangement.

Unless he wants to make it a rule that neither of them can have sex with someone again even when the kids are outside of their place. Honestly, her being a sugar baby just means that she wants to have sex with someone who has money and will pay for her things. Not something I would do but it’s not like she’s on drugs, abusing her kids, etc. The kids are not in danger here. (Agreeable-Peanut-457)

NTA for bringing it up but I also don’t think sex work automatically makes you an unfit parent. I’ve known parents to have in their agreement that you can’t have any overnight guests, which I think is fair, but same would go for you as well. Who’s to say that someone you start dating and bring into the home wouldn’t hurt your kids?

Also as someone else mentioned here, you were 28 and she was 21 and you’re judging her dating choices?? Hm.. I’m 27 and couldn’t fathom dating a 21 year old. That’s icky in itself, so I’d hold off a bit on the judgement.

If you don’t want partners around your kid, totally fair. But you will need to be held to the same standard. Also, maybe we should look at the bigger picture here. The mother of your children is on sugar daddy sites probably because she’s struggling financially due to being the sole caretaker of your kids. You only have them 2 days a week, dude. Maybe you should offer up more help FINANCIALLY. (deleted)

She is a grown adult and can make decisions for herself and her children. Sounds like she’s aware of some risks and wants to keep it away unless something develops. Almost just like dating someone w/ kids. (rRevolutionary1299)

Others pointed out that she may unwittingly be putting her children in harm’s way, as some clients may actively look for women with young kids.

NTA.

She’s a hooker. If she doesn’t have a screening service that reviews Johns for criminal records and sex-related offenses, then that’s an enormous risk to your kids. There are creepers out there that will nonchalantly screen her in conversation to see if she has kids, and then worm their ways into her house.

See your divorce attorney ASAP. (PipcosRevenge)

Others felt like he was simply trying to maintain control over his ex-wife, and should back off and realise that until she meets someone and sees them on a regular basis, it’s should be none of his concern.

It’s NONE of your business.. yet. I don’t actually think this is about the kids at all. You mentioned it’s sugar babies, would you be as upset if it was Tinder? You still want to control her life and don’t like she’s getting paid/gifts for it.

So far she has said she won’t bring home the clients unless something regular happens. Something regular has not happened yet. When it does, then you have more of a right to be suss as that person could be around your children more. Until then, get on with your own life. (PuffPuffPass16)

What do you think? Is he right to be concerned, or should he mind his own business?