One man is wondering if he may have shared a little too much information at a dinner party he attended recently to celebrate the birth of his girlfriend’s sister Lana’s child. Sharing snippet’s of her birth experience, Lana told her guests how embarrassed she felt by the fact that she’d shat herself during her labour. In an attempt to comfort Lana, and stop his girlfriend from teasing her sister about it, the man insisted that it was very common and that he had witnessed it during the birth of his own child.
Last night there was a dinner party at my girlfriend’s sister’s (‘Lana’) house to celebrate the recent birth of their child with some of her family and friends. Afterwards we were outside having some drinks and discussing the birth itself. Lana was talking about how embarrassed she was afterwards because she’d shat herself during and how she wanted to just bury her head in the sand. Only three women in the group have had kids: Lana, one of her friends and my girlfriend. The rest hadn’t and seemed quite shocked that Lana shat herself including my girlfriend. To be fair they weren’t laughing directly at her in an intentionally malicious way but were still laughing in a “you really did that?” type of way. My girlfriend chimed in saying that she would’ve been surprised if Lana wasn’t embarrassed after shitting all over herself then started dramatising the whole thing – jokingly- as if it were a major deal.
It was all banter but to cover all corners I added that it’s actually common to shit yourself while giving birth. With all the pushing and pressure being exerted on your stomach, it’s frankly only natural and a very common occurrence so she shouldn’t be bothered. The friend who has a child agreed with me but one cousin was like “yeah right” and so i double down and used my girlfriend as an example. She also pooped during the birth. She seemingly didn’t realise and we never spoke about it because it literally didn’t matter to anyone. I didn’t give a fuck, the nurses didn’t give a fuck, the doctor absolutely didn’t give a fuck. What matters is the baby came out, even if he came out with unexpected friends. My girlfriend argued with me for a bit insisting that she didn’t but stopped when I told her she could ask her mother (she was also there). From then onwards she completely ignored me. Everytime I spoke to her she would simply just stare at me then continue talking to someone else. This made things a bit tense since everyone noticed so I told her that I’d wait in the car and excused myself. She followed about thirty minutes later and as soon as we got home she gave it to me. She thinks it was a dick head move blasting the fact that she shat herself to everyone like that and that it was really embarrassing and unnecessary.
No one even cared and I could tell it made Lana feel calmer but I just let her get it out and didn’t say anything. Things are still quite cold and I just keep replaying this in my head wondering if I’m the asshole. AITA?
Commenters were quick to share their thoughts on whether or not he was an asshole for sharing such sensitive information, but opinions were divided.
Your girlfriend went through a very physically difficult experience and didn’t remember all the details. That is not uncommon.
Rather than talking about it in private, you brought it up in public knowing that your girlfriend would find it embarrassing (because she had literally just said that).
In your head, I think you thought you were both being accurate and helping out Lana. The thing is, Lana chose to tell the story herself. You told a story about your girlfriend that she was unaware of and that you knew that would embarrass her. Being accurate was worth humiliating your girlfriend in public.
I don’t know how you could ever really make amends for intentionally embarrassing your girlfriend like this. (elinordash)
OP, please think of a social situation where someone discloses you’ve shat yourself (for whatever reason), and you are fine with it. There is none, is it?
Many people thought that it was his job, as a trusted partner and support person, to keep the intimate details of his girlfriend’s birth experience private, and sharing this information was a very serious violation of her trust.
“It’s very common apparently.” You STOP there.
You do not share moments like this from the birth of your child when your partner was vulnerable and you were spectator. But after she denied it you had to have your say despite her denials. Read the room. Your partner trusted you with her vulnerability giving birth to your child and you frankly shat all over that. YTA. (dogmother123)
Unspoken rule— if your SO/family member/whoever poops during birth you pretend you didn’t see and you never bring it up.
Whilst for some people it was a clear-cut case of the man being an asshole, others believed that his girlfriend deserved a dose of reality after making fun of her sister’s experience.
Nta, she was kind of shaming her friend for a completely natural occurance, she needed that dose of reality that, hey, so did you so maybe don’t make fun. (stseomfs)
Your girlfriend played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. You would be AH if she was supportive, but she was literally making fun of another woman over something that is indeed normal during pregnancy.
Yes exactly. She’s mad because she made fun of someone for something that was COMPLETELY NORMAL, and then was embarrassed when she found out that the COMPLETELY NORMAL thing also happened to her. I am assuming all of the people in this scenario are young and ignorant, because there is no reason for anyone to be embarrassed about this. NTA. (Apprehensive_Car6033)
At a birth prep class I went to the nurse said “everyone shits themselves while pushing. Everyone.” (CoffeeSpoons123)
I’m not too sure on this one.
You shouldn’t have shared that sort of information so casually, but your gf was making fun of someone else for doing it, even if only in a lighthearted manner.
I think it’s kind of funny, actually. Everything’s fine and hilarious when it’s something someone else has experienced but when you point out she went through the same thing suddenly its “embarrassing” and “unnecessary”.
Even though you probs shouldn’t have told everyone about that, when considering the context, I’d say you’re NTA. Good job sticking up for her sister though (vquoivx)
I’m more concerned that it isn’t common knowledge that everything, and I mean everything, comes out during childbirth. An epidural alone can relax things enough to cause that. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
You were completely in the right to reassure Lana that it’s totally normal. Perhaps a light AH for specifically naming your girlfriend, but your girlfriend also needs to get over herself and her insistence that she didn’t is ridiculous.
Childbirth is gross, but you’re right, it’s totally normal. (Pippi-Sky1648)
What do you think? Was he thoughtless to share this information publicly? Should we talk about pooping during labour more?