A new mum, exhausted from caring for her colicky newborn daughter (who is prone to being sick in her sleep), accepted her mother-in-law’s offer to come and babysit whilst she had a much-needed nap. However, things didn’t quite go according to plan when the mum woke from her nap to find that her husband’s mother had not only neglected to care for the 3-month-old baby whilst she slept, she had also unplugged the baby monitor so mum wouldn’t hear the baby screaming. When she located the older woman sitting outside chatting on a lengthy phone call she furiously told her to leave. But now her husband is angry at her for treating his mum this way. So, who is right?

Long story short, my husband asked his mother to come over today and watch our daughter (3mo) so I could take a nap because lately, the baby hasn’t slept at all and I’m just exhausted. She’s super colicky and throws up in her sleep too so I’m just up almost always because she has choked on her own vomit before. My husband is a trucker and is currently on a week long trip away. She agreed to come over for a few hours and even offered to make dinner. I appreciated it so much. She got here at 2:30pm. I got the baby down for a nap and took a quick shower and then went in to take a nap.

Well, I woke up at 4pm to my daughter screaming. I immediately rushed out of bed and found her still in her crib, diaper not changed and she had been crying for awhile by the looks of things. I went in to the living room and didn’t see my MIL anywhere. So I went to my bedroom to grab my phone and realized it wasn’t on the charger where I left it. The baby monitor was also unplugged from my wall, which would explain why I didn’t hear my daughter at first. Well, I went back in to the kitchen and happened to see my MIL through the window on the back porch, talking on the phone.

So I go out and she’s literally talking on my phone. So I interrupt her and ask why she has my cellphone and how long she had left my daughter screaming in the other room when she was supposed to be watching her and asked why my monitor had been unplugged. She goes “well I heard your phone ringing and it was my son so I answered it and took it outside so I wouldn’t wake you and I unplugged the monitor so they baby wouldn’t wake you if she did start crying. She wasn’t crying when I walked outside.” I asked her how long she had been on my phone outside and she looks at the time of the call and says “37 minutes”. I immediately told her to get the fuck out. She starts to protest and I simply tell her to get the fuck out again and that my daughter had very obviously been screaming for awhile. Her eyes were puffy and when I picked her up, she was hyperventilating and sweating. She had been crying for at least 10 minutes, if not longer. She started in with the whole “it’s not going to hurt a baby to cry! I didn’t hear her or I would have gone in to get her” talk, so I said “yeah but instead you decided to steal my phone and go talk to my husband for 40 minutes and fail to do the task you came here for. Leave.” She ends up leaving. But now my husband is mad at me because “she didn’t even have to come help and you made her feel fucking stupid because she didn’t grab the baby as soon as she started crying. Don’t be surprised if she never helps again.” I don’t think I’m the AH but my husband is making me feel absolutely insane here. AITA?

The irony of the husband saying his mother might withdraw any offer of ‘help’ in the future was not lost on people.

“She didn’t even have to come help you…”

Well, she didn’t, so mission accomplished.

NTA (eimdallManeuver)

husband is mad at me because “she didn’t even have to come help

But she didn’t come help. She came and fucked up the one thing she was supposed to do – look after the baby. And by unplugging the monitor she sabotaged your ability to do it either.

And that’s not even touching on the huge invasion of privacy. She took your phone without permission?? What the actual fuck is that??

If this is how she helps, she can stay gone.

NTA (SuzieQbert)

This is a textbook example of bad help being worse than no help at all. (actual-trevor)

Suffice to say, nobody in the comment section shared the husband’s sentiments, and were shocked that he didn’t seem to understand the gravity of the situation and the unthinkable outcome that could have resulted due to his mother’s neglect.

Resoundingly: you are not the asshole. When anyone comes to watch a child, their priority should be the child- especially if she is aware that your baby has choked in their sleep and is colicky. I am sure she felt like she was being considerate by undoing the monitor , but really she put your child in danger. Even if she had good intentions, she should have immediately apologized. Your husband needs to wise up and realize that his mother’s presence in your child’s life is a privilege that is earned, and not given, and that after this incident you may not WANT her “help.”

If she is genuinely apologetic, I would give her another chance to earn back trust, but you are entitled to set any boundary you are comfortable with. (miffitron)

Whilst a few people felt that grandma had made an error of judgement and should be given the benefit of the doubt if she shows remorse, most people felt that she shouldn’t be left alone with the child again.

NTA. During that time, your child could have spit up, choked on it, and it could have gotten dangerous. There’s a reason you’re struggling with sleep, because she needs to have someone keep an eye on her when she does. That was the whole point of your MIL being there. The fact she can’t even take accountability, too. I wouldn’t trust her alone with my kid again with the complete lack of concern with the child’s wellbeing. (Longjumping_Dish6000)

Does your husband not understand that your baby could have choked on and died from vomiting?!?! You have a husband problem. He actively chit chatted with mommy instead of insisting on her watching the baby. She’s an idiot but he needs to learn boundaries and putting his child first. JFC this pisses me off and it’s not even my baby!!!

Ask them both how they’d like picking out a tiny coffin if they want to be that irresponsible. And yes, he participated in this bullshit. He allowed her to sit on your phone talking to him. Ask him how many times HE had her go check the baby. I guarantee he never did… (Short-Classroom2559)

Commenters felt that both the husband and his mother needed a reality check on just how serious the situation could have been, and need to acknowledge that the new mum wasn’t overreacting – they were underreacting!

Here’s the message “She endangered our child’s welfare, if that is less important to you than your mother’s hurt feelings, we need to have a serious discussion about what we are doing.”

“Let me know what is most important to you and get back to me. Stay at your Mothers until you have a valid answer. BTW I expect an apology from her and she won’t be invited back until she gives one.” (Narrow-Sky-5377)

OP your husband should be raking his mother over the coals. What she did was recklessly dangerous and could’ve easily resulted in her grand baby’s funeral. When a baby chokes you can barely hear it when you’re nearby, let alone in another room with the monitor turned off.

I sincerely hope your husband under-reacted because he didn’t think through what could’ve happened, and how high of a likelihood she bumped your baby’s death into. Babies can and do die of reflux all the time. My son died at 9 weeks old. Please find some way to get it through your MIL and husband’s idiot skulls that BABIES DIE. (MotherofDoggos4)

What do you think? Would you ever feel comfortable to let her babysit your child again?