It’s not unusual for women in a relationship to shoulder most of the responsibility for contraception. After years of popping the pill each day, or having devices inserted or implanted in our bodies to control our fertility, many of us look forward to handing over the baton to our husbands or partners when we’ve agreed not to have any more children. After witnessing what their partners endured during pregnancy and childbirth some men are only too willing to take one for the team and get a vasectomy.

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One woman has turned to Reddit for advice after she floated the idea of her husband getting a vasectomy with him and was shocked by his response.

Alright, here goes. I’m feeling really conflicted and would love some outside perspective. My husband and I have three kids together, all born via C-section. It’s been a lot on my body, and after our third, my doctor advised me against having another pregnancy. The risks are just too high—there’s a very real possibility I could die if I try to carry a fourth child. The doctor mentioned that I could get my tubes tied, but after doing some research, I found out that it’s a much more invasive procedure with longer recovery and greater risks compared to a vasectomy.

So, I brought up the idea of my husband getting a vasectomy. It’s a much simpler procedure, far less risky, and honestly, we’re done having kids anyway. I’ve already been through three C-sections, endured the side effects of birth control, and put my body through the wringer. I’ve carried our children, gone through labour, and dealt with all the postpartum changes—physically and emotionally.

But here’s the kicker: he flat out refuses. He says he’s concerned about the pain (even though it’s a quick recovery compared to what I’ve been through) and that he doesn’t want to “lose his fertility.” I’ve explained that we’re not having any more kids, and this isn’t about fertility anymore—it’s about safety, my safety. I’m genuinely scared of getting pregnant again and leaving my children motherless.

I’ve tried to make him understand that while I’ve sacrificed my body multiple times, he’s not even willing to take this one step for us, for our family. And his refusal makes me feel like he’s prioritizing his comfort and fears over my health and our future together.

I’m at the point where I’m starting to resent him. I love him, but this whole situation is making me question everything. I can’t help but feel like I’ve given so much, and his refusal feels like a betrayal. I’m seriously considering leaving because I can’t live with someone who won’t support me in something so crucial, especially when my life is on the line.

AITA for feeling like this? Would leaving him over this make me unreasonable?

That’s right! This poor woman’s body has been through the wringer, she’s terrified of falling pregnant again as it could be life-threatening for her and he’s worried about ‘the pain’ and ‘his fertility!’ What’s more, he’s somehow left her wondering if she is being unreasonable!

Related article: “My Brother Didn’t Tell the Woman Who Wants to Start a Family with Him That He’s Had a Vasectomy”

Whilst commenters agreed that ultimately his body and his choice, his apparent lack of care for her duly noted.

You see your marriage as end game. He’s looking past your marriage. If you and him are done having kids why else would he care about fertility. (-The-New-Shmoo-)

No wait I’m sorry y’all are married with three beautiful children, pregnancy could kill you and he’s worried about his FERTILITY? I understand maybe having some reservations because of pain but men always get the best drugs… The fertility comment would have me in shambles. That’s.. not right. NTA (Beneficial-Aioli1201)

A man refusing a tiny procedure to potentially save his wife’s life because it might hurt a bit would make me drier than a desert. You went through pregnancies and birth several times, and he can’t even do that one little thing? Pathetic..

And the comment about his fertility is a red flag, he doesn’t sound very loyal. (UnrelentingMushroom)

He seems not concerned that you could die if you get pregnant again. 

Does he have like a large life insurance on you or something?

But yeah, I’m sure that hurts.  You can’t make him. It’s his body his choice.  And your body has been through so much. 

The fact that he says fertility, he seems like he sees you as a first wife.  He wants to be able to offer things to others.  Otherwise fertility wouldn’t be brought up.   (anon)

Many people suggested that she’d be wise to take her fertility into her own hands and get the tubal ligation rather than relying on her husband.

This is not an either/or question. Get the tubal ligation to protect your health and divorce your husband for being a self-centered, unloving, coward. How could you stay with a man who patently doesn’t love or care for you at all? (SeaDazer)

Related article: People Share the Funniest Things a Doctor Has Said to Them

You’re NTA for feeling this way but you really should get your tubes tied. You can’t force him to do anything so you need to take birth control into your own hands. If you leave your husband and date again, how are you going to prevent another pregnancy? (coygobbler)

Others suggested that the best way to protect herself from an unwanted pregnancy was to stop having sex with her husband altogether.

WHOA – your husband’s selfishness is stratospheric. Definitely NTA – you have a right to protect your life. You need to refuse sex with him to keep yourself safe for now but divorcing his narcissistic coward ass sounds like it would be a blessing in your life.

He is behaving like a toddler. He’s worried about his pain but clearly perfectly fine with you suffering. Dump this abusive twat like the pile of hot shit that he is. (notyourstranger)

You should still get your tubes tied. When he wants to know why you changed your mind make sure he knows it so you don’t get pregnant by your next husband. (New_Day684)

Given that the snip can be performed in a doctor’s surgery with a local anaesthetic with very little down time, most people agreed that it would be the least he could do for his wife, and his refusal to do so spoke volumes about the kind of man she was married to. But, as the say goes, ‘it takes balls to get a vasectomy!‘

A vasectomy is equivalent to having a tooth pulled. Tubal ligation is full-on surgery. He’s a cowardly asshole. My first prostate exam was more invasive than ‘the snip”.

I honestly was more concerned with the frozen peas I bought (with no intention of eating). He is either ignorant (i.e. believes the myths) or loves himself more than you. (9forty-four)

What do you think? What would you do in this woman’s situation?

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