Is there anything more pathetic or lacking in sophistication that a man that thinks sexist jokes are funny? There is nothing even remotely clever or funny about telling a woman to get back in the kitchen, is there? Gone are the days when such an idiotic quip can pass as humorous, as one man recently found out at a family gathering.
I am a married woman with a husband who sometimes makes jokes that bother me. He says it’s just a joke and that I shouldn’t take it seriously, but I think he’s being disrespectful.
Last weekend, we went to a family gathering at his parents’ house. During a private conversation, he made a joke that really upset me. He said I should stay in the kitchen with the other women and make lunch for him and the men in the family because that was my role. He laughed at his own joke and expected me to laugh too, but I didn’t find it funny at all.
Anyone laughing yet?
I got angry and told him he was being sexist and that I wasn’t his maid. He said I was overreacting and that it was just an innocent joke. He said I had no sense of humor and that I should relax.
Ah, why not add a spot of good old fashioned gaslighting into the mix too, eh?
I walked away from him and went to the living room. His sister (my sister-in-law) noticed that I was upset and asked me what had happened. I told her the truth, and she was furious. She said her brother was an idiot and that she was going to talk to him. She told the other women in the family what he had said, and they were all outraged. They all went to talk to him and criticized him for the sexist joke. He felt embarrassed and tried to justify himself, but no one accepted it.
When we got back home, he sulked and said that I and the women in the family took his joke too seriously. He said it was just a joke, and I shouldn’t have said anything. AITA?
Of course, people were quick to point out the weakness in the ’it’s just a joke’ defence.
It’s just a joke!
But don’t tell anyone.
Because they will know I’m an asshole.
It’s sooo funny and just a joke but don’t tell anyone (Let’sGetsThisPartyOn)
The thing that kills me about “jokes” like that is that they’re actually almost never funny. I’ll let a touch of sexism go if the joke is actually funny. But “women belong in the kitchen” just isn’t funny. It’s not clever or original or funny in anyway. It’s only offensive. But then they think people are “sensitive” for finding their sexism unfunny.
It’s like a middle school boy farting or laughing about poop. The only “funny” thing about it is that it’s controversial or inappropriate. And then they get their feelings hurt that the rest of the world just thinks they look immature. It gives me the ick. (Ceecee_soup)
NTA – If he thought it was just a funny harmless joke and your lady brain just needs to learn how to laugh then why would he have an issue with his joke being shared with the rest of his family?
He knows it was rude and he’s feeling shame over that. That’s a him issue, not a you issue. (Apr3ttyWar)
Commenters thought that the husband got exactly what he deserved, and was ridiculous for trying to blame his wife for the embarrassing situation he created.
NTA Your husband’s jokes are insulting and degrading to women. Good for you telling his sister and the others. Your husband needed to know how women felt about comments like that. Being embarrassed was a good consequence for his behaviour. If he doesn’t like the consequences then he should keep his mouth shut. (Independent-Work5275)
He’s blaming YOU for what HE said. Don’t buy into this silliness. NTA (SuperPookypower)
Other commenters suggested a tactic to use when people make sexist, racist or homophobic jokes, to force the person telling it to admit their fault and feel a sense of embarrassment.
NTA it seems likely he will make jokes like this again, and he may be a perfect candidate for the strategy of asking him to explain why the joke is funny. “I don’t get it”. “Why is that funny?” Get him to deconstruct the joke, and explain why hurting someone he loves is funny. (KgfPatsfan2)
It’s especially effective when done with an audience. (UpDoc69)
Or he won’t make jokes like this again and instead do the whiney “We can’t joke like that anymore” crap. As if someone is oppressing him, poor baby. But even if he does you can still ask him to deconstruct it and let him stumble around trying to justify himself. (Rooney_Tuesday)
Do you know someone who still thinks sexist jokes are ok? How do you deal with them?