Love them or hate them, gender reveal parties have grown in popularity since American blogger Jenna Karvunidis first announced the gender of her fetus via a cake in 2008. Whilst many of us 70s and 80s babies were born at a time when our parents first learned our gender in the delivery room when the obstetrician or midwife peered between our legs and announced it, these days expectant parents can find out whether they are having a boy or a girl as early as 16-20 weeks into the pregnancy. Of course, some like to announce the news to loved ones with an elaborate party, whilst others prefer to keep it to themselves until after the baby is born. Both are valid choices. So, it’s quite shocking to hear that one very entitled grandmother-to-be is demanding that her son and his partner throw a gender reveal party, because if they don’t, they will be robbing her of a special experience!

I (23f) and my fiance (20m) are expecting our first child. We found out I was pregnant early December and announced it to our families on Christmas. Everyone was super excited and supportive till the end of March when it came time to find out the gender of the baby. My fiance and I decided not to have a gender reveal due to lack of money, space, energy and the fact that this pregnancy hasn’t been the easiest for me(symptom wise). We let our families know there would be no grand reveal and that it would just be announced through social media or personal calls.

Everyone was okay and accepted that, understanding our reasons. Everyone but my MIL. She took it was a personal attack towards her and tried to beg or push us into letting her plan a reveal and that she’d pay for it. We still told her no as I would still have to plan for my family and my dad was working out of town a lot at that time. She since has been very rude to my fiance and I. We’ve done what we can to be civil and I’ve even kept my distance from her.

I last saw her when we all got together for FILs birthday but she refused to say even a work to me. My fiances SIL talked to him about it a day or 2 after and told him that I wasn’t handling the situation properly and that MIL was in the right. She said I’m the asshole for depriving MIL of this for her grandchild. MIL also thinks that I solely make this decision to hurt her even though my fiance has explained that we made this decision together for my health and what I could handle through this time.

My friends and family say I’m not the asshole for doing what’s best for us but the females in my fiance family say that I am the asshole. So AITA?

It was clear from the responses that not everyone thinks gender reveal parties are a good idea.

NTA – Whoever invented the modern gender reveal phenomena is the real AH here but seriously this is your baby and your decision. MIL doesn’t get to have a say in this. Why people think they have the right to dictate what other people do is utterly beyond me. (ReviewOk929)

The woman who had the first gender reveal did it because she had had several miscarriages and was celebrating the fact she’d finally carried a pregnancy long enough to find out the gender. She’s also publicly stated that she regrets what it’s become. (eezaytazighkigh)

But, that aside, commenters were stunned that the woman’s mother-in-law thought she had any kind of claim to a party, or to even know the babies gender.

NTA. MIL is making this about herself. Gender reveals are really only a recent phenomenon. MIL is old enough to remember when they didn’t happen at all. It sounds like MIL is starving for attention. Sorry OP. I hope your pregnancy gets easier. (goldenfingernails)

NTA – This completely up to you and your fiancé. It’s nonsense like your MIL’s actions that make me the days where gender was learned in the delivery room. (Steam_engine_9)

That anyone expects a gender reveal is ridiculous. MIL is way out of order.

We went so old-school we didn’t reveal or even find out the gender until birth. Apparently it’s so unusual in these parts that the technician went around the office to make sure no one would blow it and wrote on the file in big letters not to reveal it to the parents. Later at our appointment, the doctor said in a surprised voice, “Oh, you don’t want to know the gender?” (Shavasara)

Many commenters warned that this was likely a sign of things to come, and just a first in a long line of power struggles the mother-in-law was likely to wage if left unchecked.

MIL feels “deprived” because she wanted to have the “power” of knowing the gender first. People who think like that are nightmare grandparents. I hope OP and spouse are ready to fight for every “first” that their kid has, because Granny is going to be conspiring constantly to steal the “glory” of being the kid’s first word, giver of the first haircut, etc. The power struggle over OP jr has just begun. (WakkThrowaway)

NTA. Let this be a lesson. MIL sees your pregnancy as an experience for her. You are just a surrogate for her grandchild. This is just the beginning of her antics. Have a serious talk with DH about what the plan will be if or when his mother acts up again. Especially when she send in her flying monkeys to emotionally manipulate you into agreeing to her demands. (KingsRansom79)

NTA. This is not your MIL’s baby nor her experience. The women in her family are just used to bowing to her will. This is the perfect time to establish boundaries. If you give in, she will continue to make demands around your child. (keesouth)

It was generally agreed that her mother-in-law was showing her true colours, and that she should heed the warning and make sure that her partner sets boundaries with his mother now before the baby arrives.

I think it is very considerate of her to make it known early on that she is difficult and will have to be kept at arms length at best. (Noladixon)

What do you think? How would you deal with a mother-in-law like this?