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Parents Share the Funniest Things Their Kids Have Said

If you’ve ever spent any amount of time around small children, you’ll know that they are capable of saying the funniest things. Whether it is mispronouncing words, repeating inappropriate things they’ve heard or delivering savagely honest observations, kids can be a source of both amusement and embarrassment for parents. It’s little wonder that one Reddit thread on the topic hads over 10,000 comments.

Here’s some of the best ones:

I was explaining to my 4-year-old son what muscles are and asked him to look at my biceps. He said “hold on I need to go get my magnifying glass.” I didn’t even know what to say and my wife is still laughing about it. (The_Chap)

‘Dad what’s that?’
‘Thats a cemetery’
‘Whats a cemetery?’
‘Thats where they bury dead bodies’

(A few minutes pass)

‘Where do they bury the heads?’ (NeckroFeelyAck)

I worked as a teacher’s assistant for a year and I have a weird last name so I got the kids to call me Mr A if they couldn’t pronounce it, but some kids still tried to say their interpretation of my name. One of the kids said, “Mr A im gonna start calling you mr avocado. Because i cant remember your last name, and i dont like avocado.”



We were bringing lunch to the teachers at school and my daughter announced that we made a special soup for Mr. S because he’s a virgin.

Mr. S is a vegan. (Princ3ssP3n3lop3)


As a child, my Brother didn’t like peanuts. As a treat after dinner one Sunday we had Cornettos, my brother peeled the wrapper off and then turned to my Dad and said, “Daaaaaad, can you nibble my nuts off?”

My aunt wet herself laughing. (bedwelld)


My child told me that I had big “boom booms” (boobs). I said aww thanks hunny!

…I’m her father 😩 (Froot-Loop-Dingus)


My son after wearing pants all winter and switching to shorts.

“Dad… I need sleeves for my legs” (Fernilol)_


“Hey! Who farted in my pants?” – my 3 year old son. (lilpastababy)


My daughter at maybe 2 or a little under proclaimed to our family that “my daddy (me) has a front tail” (deleted)


My niece was 3 when my nephew was born… She came up to me and my girlfriend when we visiting my sister in hospital and said “so am I not allowed to punch the baby in the head?” (deleted)


My partner’s 5-year-old daughter was watching me do my makeup in the mirror and she said “You look like an angel”.

That’s the sweetest thing she’s ever said to me, so I gushed like a teenage girl and thanked her with a big grin on my face.

Then she elaborated: “You look like you’re dead”. (deleted)


My sister, who had been learning about different religions, sat on my Nan’s lap and in all earnestness asked her: “Are you a Catholic or a prostitute?” (Little_Tinker)


My daughter when she was 3 walked into the bedroom wearing a shirt, undies, no pants, Barbie high heels and a carrier bag on her shoulder. I asked her where she was going and she says “to work and then to weight watchers” (Friendaim)


Friends of mine recently had a new baby and they told me this story about how their older kid was super excited for the new sibling and for the first few days they brought her home everything was great and nice and lovey.

Then like third day or so over breakfast older kid comes over and asks: “So, when’s the baby going back home?” (AccioSexLife)


Just happened last week when kiddo #2 was born.

I brought kiddo #1 (just turned 5) to the hospital for the first time to meet his new bro, he takes one look at the sleeping baby and says “He’s so cute”

Then, he turns to my wife, looks her in the eye and says with genuine concern “How’s your vagina?”

The nurses lost it. (IBFlight)


My oldest daughter (she was about 10-11 years old at the time) and I were talking about being/feeling old. She said, “You’re a young lady.” I said, “I’m 33. I’m not a young lady anymore.” She looked at me with a straight face and said, “You better take the compliments while you can.” 😶 (Rhyannon)


My six year old to my husband, who is balding- “Wow, your forehead just keeps getting bigger and bigger!” 9mrsrariden)


At the dinner table after grace, my then 5 year old sister asked why people always say “gay men” before eating. (Hexathorp)


I got a phone call from my son’s school when he was 4 that he called another child a “meanness penis” because the kid was making fun of another student. (b15495)


“I love you so much mommy, I want to cut off your face and wear it.” (camipco)


5yo “Mom what’s that thing on your face”

Me “Well, it’s a mask, you leave it on a while and when you take it off, your skin is prettier”

washes off mask

5yo, puts hand on my cheek very seriously “sorry mom, I guess that’s as good as it gets!” (glutenschmuten)


My three year old was eating some mixed nuts when I asked him what his favorite nut was.

He thought for a couple seconds and said, “doughnut”. (galaxiusmons)


My 4 yr old son is in the bath. He grabs his nuts and looks at me.

S: Mummy, what are these?
M: Those are your testicles. S: What are they for?

I should have stopped here.. I really should.

M: When you are older they help you make babies.

With wide eye’s my dear son looks down at his nuts, looks back up at me and says:

S: There’s a baby in there?

While I am trying to formulate a response to this and back track this conversation before it goes any further down hill he looks down again in shock. Looks back up and shrieks at full volume:

S: TWO OF THEM????!!!

At which point I just died laughing.

He’s now 6 and still mad that I won’t explain how the man puts the seed in the mummy’s tummy.. (MorithK)


My five-year-old niece asked me, “am I going to grow fur when I grow up?” I looked at her perplexed. Then she started petting my arm hair. (Betinabean)


My son was talking to my best friend a while ago, and he wanted to tell him a joke.

Son: “Uncle Owen, can I tell you a joke?”

Uncle: “Kiddo, my whole life’s a joke.”

Son: (pause) “Yeah, but this one’s funny.”

It was glorious, and brutal, and beautiful. I’ve never been prouder. (bald_adonis)

What has your child said that was unintentionally hilarious?

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Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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