The Great Baby Sleep Struggle

Written by Bianca Evans

During my pregnancy, friends and family warned me about the sleepless nights that were to come. They’d joke, “Make sure to get all your sleep now before the baby arrives!” It seemed like playful advice, but the reality was much worse than I had ever imagined. Despite knowing the transition to parenthood would be tough, nothing truly prepared my husband and I for the relentless exhaustion that followed. What a harsh initiation into parenthood it was!

Like many new parents, we had hoped to be one of the lucky ones with a baby who slept well. You hear those stories—whether they’re true or not—and you wonder if you might be the exception. But for us, it couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Our daughter arrived in January 2023 and could not be more beautiful. She is definitely my greatest achievement, and from the moment she was born, we fell completely in love with her. But sleep? That was something entirely different. The first few months were a blur of sleepless nights, where she cried, fed, and simply refused to sleep, let alone, on her own in her bassinet. If she did sleep, it would be on us- contact napping. We read every book, tried every trick—swaddles, rocking, dummies, lullabies, feeding, and even a ‘blanky.’ But nothing seemed to help, and the result was always the same: a baby who hardly slept, or if she did, kept us stuck in one position while she contact napped, and two exhausted parents reaching for the coffee just to keep going.

The emotional and physical toll of sleep deprivation is enormous, especially as you are learning to parent. What’s worse is the endless guilt that accompanies it. The constant thought that you are failing as a parent, while you are trying to work out what you are doing wrong. Though It’s important to know, you aren’t failing. You are doing a good job, even on the toughest days and nights.

Infant sleep is a complex process, influenced by concepts like ‘the fourth trimester’ and ‘sleep regressions.’ These stages play a vital role in a baby’s development, but they also introduce unique sleep challenges and frustrations for both the baby and parents.

The term ‘fourth trimester’ was introduced by American paediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp. It suggests that babies are born three months too early, and for the first 12 weeks of life, they experience a heightened need for comfort and closeness as they adjust to the outside world, still sensing the environment of the womb. It’s no surprise that babies can become so unsettled during this time!

Sleep regressions, on the other hand, occur at regular intervals and coincide with significant developmental milestones. They bring their own set of challenges- irritability, increased crying, constant wakeups and even refusing to sleep. They typically occur around the 4-, 8-, 12- and 18-month mark. Then there is teething, illness- both of which also contribute to what seems to feel like a never-ending cycle.

Although newborn/baby lack of sleep phase may not last forever, I know all too well that it can certainly feel like it does. With a constant stream of books, advice, and methods—along with sleep consultants and guides, each with its own set of opinions—it can be overwhelming. But the key is to find what works best for you and your family. For us, it was a sleep consultant – and before you ask, no, it wasn’t the controversial cry it out method.

It was the best investment we made!

Remember, there will always be people ready to offer their judgments, but what matters most is that you’re doing your best. Take a moment to practice self-love, because you’re doing a great job! You’ve got this mamma!

Bianca is a content writer and all round multi tasker, often trying to fit a million things into a day. When she is not chasing after her highly energetic toddler, she is planning her next travel adventure! A lover of coffee, pilates and wine, she enjoys a laugh and making the most of life.