Written by Rashida Tayabali

Resilience is the ability to bounce back or recover from difficulties. As a parent, I see it as my child’s ability to go with the flow or cope with sudden schedule changes without a meltdown!

My children are now 13 and 7 years old. My partner and I’ve travelled extensively with them to far-flung countries and around Australia since they were babies. They have coped reasonably well with changes along the way and are now able to handle difficult or unexpected situations quite confidently. That’s not to say we haven’t faced challenges, but getting back on track has been easier, and long tantrums have been avoided.

Here are some tips I used to help my children develop resilience from the time they were babies.

Stick To Routine

Routine is the key to a happy and easygoing resilient child! I’m a firm believer in setting and following a routine so my children always know what’s going to happen next in their days. There’s room for flexibility, as I avoid scheduling things down to the minute to prevent stress for both of us. Instead, I make sure there’s plenty of breathing space in the routine so we’re not rushing around.

I followed a routine even when travelling, setting my watch to local time while on the plane so my children would eat and sleep when their bodies expected it, reducing the chances of a cranky child on arrival!

If you think about how you manage your day, knowing what’s coming up next helps you plan and stay on track. It’s the same with the kids. The less uncertainty, the better.

Always Communicate

When my children were babies, having a routine was my way of communicating stability and certainty to them. As they became older and began understanding more, my husband and I talked to them about what to expect at every stage, which lessened their anxieties.

For example, if they were expecting to go out to the park and it began raining, we’d explain why we were staying indoors instead of telling them the original plan was cancelled and stopping there.

Even though it’s painful sometimes to answer 12 questions in a row, we’ve found that clear communication and following through helps them know what to expect and go with the flow. It makes them more cooperative when they know what’s happening now and what’s coming up next.

We also take their suggestions and opinions into consideration now that they are older so they feel part of the activity. So, if one of them were to suggest a certain place for dinner, and the others don’t feel like it, we’ll either compromise or choose another place via mutual discussion. It teaches them it’s not always possible to do what they want to do and to take other people’s feelings and thoughts into consideration.

Spend Quality Time Together

My husband and I make it a point to have dinner with the children every night where we chat about what happened during their day. We encourage honest and open discussions including sharing our own disappointments and learnings.

By setting an example and owning up to our mistakes, we show them that it’s ok to try and fail and that it’s important to give it a go. We’ll also often switch off all devices and cuddle together and chat about different things. At night, I’ll sit with the kids just as they’re falling asleep. Often, my son will ask me about things he’s seen and heard at school or online. I take this as a chance to share learnings from my own experiences when I was his age.

Often, they’ll ask me to watch their YouTube videos or watch a movie. Even though I might not be in the mood to watch Frozen for the 10^th time, I’ll still sit and watch it knowing that they love my presence, and I can keep an eye on what they are watching without it being obvious. When they are talking to me or I’m spending time with them, I’m not on my phone. I’m there listening and paying attention.

It makes them feel valued and important because their wishes are being listened to and respected. They are more likely to listen to me when I’m trying to talk to them.

Not Sugarcoat the Truth

Before my son started high school, we had regular discussions about how high school was going to be different from primary school. He would voice his concerns, and we’d reassure him that we have picked a good school for him and told him why. Understandably, he was nervous about it all. We kept reassuring him that yes, it was going to be different and sometimes difficult; however, it was also a part of growing up. If the school didn’t work out, we’d be happy to look at other options.

We’ve always told the children the truth using age-appropriate language and experiences. I’ve found that it’s helped them be more resilient because what we’ve told them has been pretty much what they’ve experienced too.

Stay Calm

My children have also had their moments where they didn’t feel like being flexible or going with the flow. During these times, no matter how annoyed or flustered I’ve felt, I’ve stayed calm. Often, it’s because they are hungry or tired or sleepy or simply needed a hug. I’ll also take them away from the room and sit with them until they’ve calmed down.

Resilience kids will lead to resilient adults. I hope these strategies help you too!

Rashida Tayabali is an SEO copywriter and Indie author. She started her freelance career by writing parenting and health articles for magazines. Say hello to Rashida on LinkedIn and Instagram.