What would you do if you were newly engaged and someone began to make uncalled for, negative comments about your engagement ring? Would you rise above it and be the ‘better person’ or would you give her a serve and put her in her place in front of everyone? One woman recently found herself in this awkward situation whilst attending a friend’s bachelorette party, when another attendee expressed scorn for the fact that she had her grandmothers engagement ring instead of a new, expensive one.
Hi all! I’m not usually a snarky person, so am feeling a bit bad about this. Could use your opinions. This took place a bit over a month ago.
Last month, I (23F) was at my friend’s bachelorette weekend. Our weddings were very close together – hers was only a couple weeks before mine. Of the 6 women who were at the bachelorette weekend, 1 was single, 4 of us were engaged and the 6th was in a long term relationship.
Throughout the weekend, I was intentionally making sure to not comment on my engagement or upcoming wedding – I wanted the trip to be all about the bride! The only exception was when the bride herself asked me about my engagement ring. I told her that the ring (which is very simple, with a gold band and 0.25 carat diamond) was actually from my grandmother. She had removed the original diamond, but left the ring and its setting, which she gave to my fiancé. He then bought a new diamond and had it placed in the setting.
The bride and all the other women there commented on how sweet it was that I had my grandmother’s ring – except for one, “Brittany”. Brittany looked at my ring, and said that it was “far too small for her taste.” She then started talking about how she “would never accept an old, secondhand ring” and that she was “shocked” that I was willing to wear a “hand me down piece of jewelry.” At first, I laughed it off and said that I was actually really touched that my grandmother had given it to me. But she then rolled her eyes and responded “That’s great for you! But I’ll make sure that my man has to pick out and pay for the ring himself. I feel like it’s a representation of how much he values me, you know?”
This really rubbed me the wrong way, and this is where I might be the AH. Brittany was the one single woman there, so I didn’t know why she was being so hostile about my ring. I responded, “Oh, that’s okay! You won’t have to worry about that for a while.” Brittany looked upset, and then left to go get some snacks without returning to the group for a while. Most of the women didn’t seem to think anything of what I said, but one of them (a close friend of Brittany) pulled me aside later and said that I shouldn’t have made Brittany feel like “even more of an outsider” with my comment. She thinks that I should’ve been more sensitive to her being the only one there who wasn’t in a relationship. So, AITAH?
Unfortunately for Brittany and her close friend, people were not in agreement with the notion that OP should have been more sensitive to her!
NTA she was putting you down and your ring from your grandmother. You shut her down real quick. She shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it. (CommonEarly4706)
I suspect there’s a reason she’s single.(Glassgrl1021)
NTA. If she wants to say bitchy comments she needs to be prepared to receive something back. The cost of a ring doesn’t necessarily reflect a person’s love. (CrabbiestAsp)
Commenters (no doubt correctly,) deduced that Brittany’s remarks had been made out of insecurity or jealousy, but that she unequivocally got what she deserved!
NTA. I don’t know who could manage not to be snarky when someone insults something so personal (and it’s such a sweet story). She was trying to get a rise out of you. I wonder what her issue is (something to do with insecurity/jealousy, obviously). How lovely to have a ring that comes with a story (and not an ostentatious stone). (fly1away)
She is very likely insecure about not being engaged yet and trying to feel better at your expense. Those comments were meant to instill insecurity in you, but at the end of the day she exposed that she herself doesn’t feel of value because she doesn’t have a ring on her finger. (Substantial_Mix_6073)
F-that! She threw the first stone by belittling a lovely family heirloom, belittling your fiancé, belittling your relationship and belittling you. It was insulting and uncalled for. Nta! (Mary707)
NTA. Her comments were absolutely unnecessary and unsolicited, but more importantly – how exactly does she expect someone to react to such snobbish insults? Just take it and agree with her? Get out.
It sounds like you initially responded very courteous and graciously, and your comment came after only after she doubled down on her comments. (throwaway_82)
Other people pointed out that the pressure to buy an expensive stone was such a rip off, especially when the money could be better invested elsewhere.
Can we just touch on what an absolute scam diamond wedding rings are? The whole premise if fabricated. They rarely hold any value……..and a couple just starting out could use that money a ton of different ways to secure their futures.
Like it’s really great that I know the difference in VVS, V2 and inclusions…….but no one else will ever care or notice. And I will never have a use for that knowledge again. We could have been in a house at least 3 years earlier had we not fallen for the idea. (CosmoKing2)
Some people thought that a ring with such sentimental value was in fact preferable and more meaningful than a new ring.
Quite honestly, I’d MUCH rather have my grandma’s ring than ANYTHING.
Personal preference is a big deal, to be sure, but she didn’t need to be snotty and she made it absolutely clear that she’s superficial in at least a few aspects.
Did you need to lower yourself and meet her at her level? Probably not. But you’re human and sometimes we, a sa human whole, do dumb stuff.
I probably would have been even snarkier🤷♀️ (Sparksgirl1223)
NTA. The fact that you value love and sentiment over a price tag shows why you’re engaged and she isn’t. What a nasty gremlin she is. (CaptainFresh27)
NTA. Both my wedding and engagement rings belonged to my late grandmother and I love them because they were hers and she was my person. If someone disrespected her memory by speaking in such a way about the rings, I would have given a hell of a lot more than you dished out to Brittany. She’s got the kind of personality that will guarantee that she’ll never get an engagement or wedding ring herself as no man will want to tie themselves to such a nasty B. You’re fine. Don’t feel bad or apologize. (Existing_Winter5679)
Some commenters thought that Brittany had got off lightly considering her nasty comments, and thought she probably deserved a lot worse than she got!
NTA, in terms of spice, your comment was more of a paprika level of snark. Her comments deserved a habanero response.
Not the asshole. it was a little bit passive-aggressive, but let’s face it, you handled it better than me (34m). because there wouldn’t have been any waiting period or backhanded remarks. The second she made fun of my ring, i would have verbally assaulted her with the lowest hanging fruits… Ohh yeah? Let me see how big your ring is? WHAT?!?!! No ring?!?! Maybe if you weren’t so shallow, you’d have a ring…..WAIT YOU DONT EVEN HAVE A MAN?!?!?” In that way, you know. (dabesstrollindaworld)
What would you have done in this woman’s position? Do you think Brittany got what she deserved?