One mum found herself in something of an awkward situation recently at her son’s birthday party, and reached out to strangers on the internet to ask if she should have dealt with the situation differently. Have a read, and let us know what you think.

So my son had his 10th birthday party at a jump place on Saturday. He wanted to invite 5 friends. We sent the invites early enough, all went well. Until a few days before the party he said his friend wanted to invite a girl. This girl is not very nice to my son so I told him no, let your friend know I said that wasn’t going to work so it wouldn’t look like my son was at fault. Lo and behold the day of the party the girl shows up with her dad and her 3 siblings. The dad let me know he didn’t get the info till the day prior and all that was written on the ripped paper was the place and time. I asked the girl who invited her and she told me the friend of my son – I let the dad know they were welcome to hang with the party and have cake and pizza but he would have to pay for their entrance fee as they weren’t actually invited. He got his kids and left pretty fast. A few people think I was in the wrong – but that would’ve been an extra $100 I did not plan for. So was I the ahole?

Everyone agreed that the mum of the party boy was well within her rights to point out that his child wasn’t invited considering she would have had to play the child’s entry fee.

NTA – they weren’t invited, and it sounds like you were very gracious in offering to let them join for the cake and pizza. Plus, even if the girl had been invited, showing up with 3 additional siblings would been incredibly rude.

You are not under any obligation to pay for uninvited guests just to be ‘nice.’ The friends telling you you were mean are either doormats or the kind of entitled idiots who rock up with uninvited extras and expect them to be accommodated. (ProfessorYaffle1)

Many commenters were shocked that the Dad had the cheek to turn up with three extra children without even confirming he would be attending with one!

I’m sorry, on the basis of a ripped paper he turned up at a PAID activity with THREE EXTRA KIDS? That dad has got brass ones. He was trying to take you for a ride. Absolutely fucking not. NTA. (CMENaught)

I don’t think anyone can reasonably believe that they were invited to a party when:

1. 1. They never spoke to the host to confirm the details of the party. At the very least, the father would have needed to contact the host to RSVP in advance.
   2. They never received a proper invitation, either a physical invite or a digital version.
   3. Even if the daughter had been invited, the father would have needed to OK the addition of 3 extra kids to the party in advance. As you pointed out, the father was just trying to get a very expensive playdate (and possible free baby sitting) for all of his children at the host’s expense. (devil_woman14)

Many people agreed that the dad should have tracked down the parents holding the party before showing up.

Yeah… relying on 2nd or 3rd hand information from a chain of 10 year olds seems like a good way to embarrass yourself.

Also 10 is right at the borderline of being old enough to know you don’t get to invite people to other people’s parties, it’s probably worth letting the friend’s parents know what happened. (emanekaf2222)

My son told me about a party just verbally. I tracked down the kids parents on Facebook because my son really wanted to go. Turns out he was invited but why would I trust the 9 year old without an official invite? (AffectionateWar7782)

NTA – what kind of parent shows up to a ‘party’ on a last minute invite (questionable invite) without even contacting the host parent? (Nervous-Tea-7074)

Some people believed that this was evidence that the dad and his family were freeloaders and had no manners.

You handled this graciously.  Asking the little girl who invited her made it unavoidably obvious to her father that she was not invited by the actual host. Genius! The father  showing up with her and all of her siblings in tow shows that they as a family have no manners.  This was intentionally inappropriate, he chose not to RSVP an invite at this kind of venue or to check if siblings are included. There’s usually a limit on group sizes and supervision requirements posed by the venue. 

The people saying you should have let them stay should have offered to cover the expenses and volunteer to do so in the future.

 YWNBTA  (Listen_2learn)

However, not everyone believed the dad had intentionally caused the faux pas, and some people felt sorry for the embarrassment the situation would have caused him.

I’m kinda fascinated, did the kid rip his own invite and give it to the girl he wanted to come and the kids tricked that poor father into showing up? Like he didn’t give you an issue leaving so clearly he was embarrassed. Kinda stikes me as a tired dad who just took his kids word for it that she has been invited (and even possibly that her siblings were included.) (SpaceAceCase)

Or he could’ve planned to pay for the rest of them? And thought if we’re going, might as well make a day out of it she can hangout at the bday party and the rest of us can do our own thing? And then decided to leave when he realised embarrassingly that his daughter wasn’t invited? (julienal)

Did the dad seem unsure of what was even supposed to be happening? Or embarrassed once he heard they hadn’t been invited? Or did he seem entitled and ticked off at OP after being told he’d have to pay? Based on the info given, my immediate thought based on my childhood is I would think the dad was just told to take the kids bc girls friend is having a bday party. It was too late the night before to call and maybe he didn’t think to call and clarify in the morning? He may have thought all the families were invited based on what his child said. My assumption is after dad found out it wasn’t a family thing nor was his daughter (the only link) even invited he was embarrassed or annoyed with daughter for the whole situation.

NTA. Depending on dads attitude he might not have even thought you were an a h either. Just kids not understanding things. (ghost_sock)

NTA, but… I can name plenty of oblivious dads who would do this – not to intentionally be rude but because they’re out of touch with invites, schedules, and how to manage kids on weekends. If we give him the full benefit of the doubt – his daughter probably insisted she was invited, he didn’t want to make her miss it (who knows if she has a hard time socially and he was desperate for her to be invited to something), he’d probably been to other parties where siblings were invited (that’s the norm around here), and he probably didn’t realize it was a per person fee you’d have to pay.

I think the fact that he left so quickly says that he was embarrassed and realized he’d made a blunder. I don’t think everyone should be so hard on this guy!

I would, however, speak to the friend’s parents who invited her. They are also probably mortified.

To me, I’d do my best to let everyone save face. This situation screams “kids not getting it” and “dad fail”, and nothing more. (souffle123)

What do you think?