Valentine’s Day is meant to be about love, but if we’re honest, it doesn’t always feel that way. Every year it rolls around with its pink cards, heart-shaped everything and carefully curated romance, and instead of feeling excited, most of us just feel a bit…well…uncomfortable. Not devasted, not dramatic, just slightly off. And then we wonder if it’s just us.

It isn’t.

Psychologists say Valentine’s Day taps into some very specific emotional pressure points, and once you see them, the whole things makes more sense. One of the biggest issues is that the day puts love on a timetable. We’re expected to feel romantic, appreciated and connected on a specific date, and preferably show it in a way that looks good from outside. That alone can make even solid relationships feel awkward. When affection starts to feel scheduled, it can lose its ease and turn into something performative, like we are trying to get it ‘right’ instead of just feeling it.

Then there’s the comparison factor, which is impossible to avoid. Valentine’s day is basically built for it. Social media fills up with flowers, dinners, surprise getaways and captions that make everyone else’s relationship look effortless. Even if you’re happy, it’s hard not to glance sideways and wonder whether you’re missing something, or whether you should be doing more, or feeling more. Comparison has a sneaky way of making perfectly good situations feel suddenly inadequate.

Valentine’s Day also has an annoying habit of shining a big, bright spotlight on your relationship status. If you’re single, it can feel isolating. If you’re in a relationship that’s going through a rough patch, it can feel exposing. Even if you’re technically ‘together,’ Valentine’s day can highlight emotional distance you’ve been trying not to think about.

Another reason why the day feels tense if because so many expectations go completely unspoken. A lot of us grown up absorbing the idea that if someone really loves us, they’ll just know what we want. Asking feels awkward, like it spoils the romance, so we say nothing and hope for the best. When expectations aren’t met, it can feel deeply personal, even though nothing was ever clearly communicated. It’s a setup that leads to disappointment far more often than anyone likes to admit.

There’s also a bigger disconnect between what Valentine’s Day celebrates and what love actually looks like in a long-term relationship. Rather than grand gestures and big moments, real, grown-up love is usually quieter and more stable. It’s consistency, emotional safety and feeling supported throughout the other 364 ordinary days of the year. When love is reduced to gifts and gestures, it can feel shallow or even alienating for those of us who value depth of love over a forced display of it.

For some people, discomfort with Valentine’s Day is more tied to memories rather than the present day. Because it’s such an emotional loaded day, past breakups, losses or disappointments are often associated with it. Even years later, the date can stir up feelings you thought you’d moved past. That doesn’t mean that you’re stuck doing something wrong. It’s just how the brain hold onto memories and emotions around certain dates.

What’s important to remember ius that feeling uneasy about vaslentine’s Day deosn;t mean you’re bitter, broken or anti-love. In fact, it often means the opposite. Women who struggle with Valentine’s Day tend to care deeply about authenticity. We want love to feel real, not staged. We’re not rejecting romance, we’re rejecting the pressure to preform it.

At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day says far more about social expectation than it does about the quality of your relationships. Feeling uncomfortable doesn’t mean your failing at love. It usually just means you’re sensitive to the gap between how love is marketed and how it’s actually lived.

Sometimes the healthiest thin you can do on Valentine’s Day isn’t try to force yourself to feel a certain way or measure up to anyone else’s version of romance. If  you’re single this year, why not flip the script? Use the day as an excuse to celebrate yourself. Do something that makes you feel loved and cared for, whether that’s a solo trip to the day spa, a favourite treat, bingeing a show you love, or just curling up with a good book. Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be about anyone else. It can be a day to show yourself some much-deserved love!