“A Woman on Facebook Tried to Tell Me I Wasn’t a Real Parent since I Didn’t Give Birth”
Sometimes we come across a story that really makes us shake our heads at the heartlessness of other people. This is one of those instances.
A woman has told an adoptive mother that she isn’t a real parent since she did not actually give birth to her son. Redditor vietnamazinggg took to the Parenting forum to have a well-earned rant about an interaction she had with another woman on Facebook.
“I did not give birth to my child. I did not get to feel him growing within me, or hold him against my skin when he was born. Perhaps by your definition, my child is not a part of me – he does not resemble me or my wife.
Let me tell you what being a parent is to me.
I didn’t labor for hours for this child, I labored for YEARS. I waited for years to be told that we had been chosen, that we were finally going to be allowed to be parents.
I didn’t feel labor pains. I felt the incredible pain of emptiness in my heart and home as my wife and I yearned to begin our family through adoption.
I didn’t get to wake up in the middle of the night and nurse my sweet child. I did, though, spend many nights lying awake and praying to whomever might be listening to let us be next. Asking myself why we hadn’t been chosen yet. Poring over adoption profiles and sending endless e-mail inquiries on children available for adoption and being told no, no, no over and over again. And like you said, “you can’t possibly understand that feeling.” I feel certain you have absolutely no idea.
A child lives to depend on me – you’re right. My child has been let down by everyone else in his life. You think I am not losing sleep? He may not wake me up to feed him every couple hours, but he screams out in his sleep – no doubt reliving past traumas from the life he led before being adopted.
Not every experience is your experience. Not every mother is a mother because she gave birth. Not every child is yours or a “part of you” because you grew it inside of you.
My child will always be a part of me, because we’re fighting for this life together.
TLDR: Fuck you. I’m a mom.”
Giving birth to a baby and being biologically connected is one aspect of motherhood. It doesn’t define it. Motherhood is not limited to women who have delivered a baby vaginally.
This awesome response from vietnamazinggg stirred the emotions of fellow Redditors, especially those who are adoptive parents themselves, have been adopted, or even those who’ve been told they not real parents because they had a C-Section instead of a vaginal birth.
♥ “I have occasionally had a few obnoxious comments about how I am not a ‘real parent’ to my step-daughter. (She lives with my husband and I full time, bio mom sees her once or twice a month for a few hours. I spend more time ‘parenting’ than anyone else in her life, my husband works and I stay at home.)
The first couple of times I was really irritated. Since then my general response has been to give a confused, tilted head look to the jerk and say: “I parent my child with my brain and my heart. I feed her, provide for her, advise her, love her, and I’m the one there to talk when she is upset. I wasn’t aware that my vagina was an important part of our relationship.” – owlandfinch
♥ “Hey. Hey, you. You’re a fucking mom. I was adopted, the only person I see as my mom is the woman who raised me. I don’t give a shit about the woman who pushed me out of her body. She didn’t love me, she didn’t raise me, she didn’t feed me, soothe me at night. *My mom did. * She wasn’t there to help me learn to walk, ride a bike. *My mom was. *She didn’t help me with homework or spelling tests. She wasn’t there in the kitchen at midnight just holding me while crying over my first breakup. She didn’t cry at my wedding and she’s not here now as I’m about to have my first child. *My mom is. *” – SEND_MORE_PIZZA
♥ “Dude, my partner didn’t grow either of our babies in his womb or nurse them either, that was my role. Does that make him any less a parent? That is the most ignorant shit I’ve ever heard.
Do you, fuck that noise. You are a mom, and a darn good one for pouring your time and soul into raising your kid.
Getting knocked up doesn’t automatically make you a good parent, being a good parent does.” – PokefanYargiss
Please excuse my French, but what the actual fuck is wrong with some people? Whatever happened to ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all’? Why are some women turbo-bitches?
However your children come into the world, if you love and care for a small person who calls you ‘Mum’, you are a mum! End of.