Woman Says She’s Sick of Her Mum Friends Always Bringing Their Kids Along to Catch Ups

It’s tough when you’re the only one in your friend group without kids, but one woman says she’s sick of constantly having to entertain her friend’s kids instead of enjoying an adult conversation. Do you think she has a point?

Writing into discussion forum Reddit, this user says she ended up walking out of her latest friend catch up because she was sick of always having to put up with their kids. She says she has nothing against kids, in fact she works with them every day, which is why she looks forward to seeing her friends for a child free night where they’re able to actually finish a conversation.

Here’s what she wrote:

I have a friend group of 7 women from uni. I’m the only one that’s childfree, but 1 is childless, 2 are pregnant with their first and 3 have kids.

We as a group rarely meet up. I’ve seen all of them maybe twice in the last year, and we all live in the same city. Every time someone asks to meet up and we finally find a date everyone is available, one of the mum’s always asks if they can bring their child, or children. Its usually 1 of 2 mum’s, as the third actually wants to have a kid free evening. And before anyone else can answer, the other mum says yes. All 3 mum’s have husbands who can watch their kids. Most of them also have both sets of grandparents who are involved. But somehow they never manage to find someone who can “babysit”, as they call it.

So at this point I’ve stopped answering until they’ve set a time and place, someone has asked about kids, and I say I can’t make it. I hang out with them one on one, or in smaller groups instead.

Well a few days ago we agreed to finally meet up. No one had asked about kids and we were having a bbq and wine night. Well, who shows up with their 8 year old? Yep, one of the moms. I clearly didn’t hide my annoyance and one of the girls asked me why. I just waved it off and 30 min later I excused myself and left. Said I didn’t feel well. In those 30 min we hadn’t had any “adult talk”, we were just entertaining the kid. I would rather go home thsn do this for another 3-4 hours.

After I left, I think they realised this was a pattern and I got text from most of the girls in the group. Some calling me an asshole, others just saying they were annoyed with me for leaving, while the third mum having my back, and asked to meet up later that week to have a proper wine night.

I don’t hate kids at all. I work with them every day and don’t want to spend my time off, relaxing with friend, having to entertain other people’s kids again.

What do you think? Does she have a point?

Reddit commenters had some very strong opinions for the woman with the majority saying she was definitely not the a**hole for wanting a child free night. here are some of the comments:

NTA – I love kids and I am happy to spend time with my friends’ kids, but not when we’re going out with with friends as a group that was not meant to include kids. As you said, when there’s even one child around, usually that really throws off the tone. It’s just different, not necessarily bad, but not what is expected when you get together with friends when it’s meant to be just adults. And it’s okay for you to decide that is not how you’d like to spend your time. And it’s not okay for your friends to decide for you about how you’re going to spend your time.

Some parents do this. They just either use their kids as an excuse why they can’t do something, or will bring them. But if you don’t want to see them only around kids, that is totally fair. Maybe if they want to hang out, they’ll make other arrangements for the kids.

NTA. The “I don’t want to hang out with your kids around” is a tough conversation to have with the types of parents that always want their kids with them. The norm for your group seems to be to ask if kids are okay when planning these events. Nobody asked this time so it’s fair of you to assume it wasn’t a kid hangout. At the end of the day you are group of college friends not a mommy group. It’s unfair for every group meetup to end up being about the kids.

And while the majority of comments were in her defense there were still several who said she was in the wrong and should just be honest with her friends.

YTA Because it sounds like you haven’t been honest about how you feel nor have you taken the initiative to plan a get-together without children. It sounds like you are expecting them to read your mind that you don’t want to see the kids and they are understandably taking your frostiness as a rejection of them as friends rather than being about the presence of kids. If it’s important to you to spend time with the whole group, step up and make it happen! Show them that you value their friendship and at the same time set clear boundaries rather than just passively waiting for others to guess what you want.

YTA. Your friend group dynamics has changed and will likely continue to change more as more of your friends have kids. You can adapt or find new, single friends, but if you continue acting petulant because your friends want to include their families you’re going to find you’ve been left out. It sounds like everyone is an adult except you.

Which side of the fence do you sit on with this one?

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