Everyone knows not to wake a sleeping baby after they’ve just been put down to sleep for the night, right? Well, apparently not! One poor mum is sick of her mother-in-law calling up late in the evening and insisting on seeing her 10-week-old grandson. To make matters worse, her husband seems incapable of telling his mother no, and continually wakes their sleeping baby up. However, despite going against his wife’s express wishes and waking up his son, he was less than impressed when she refused to help him get the baby back to sleep. Apparently, because she doesn’t have to work the next day, and he is tired, she should have taken over the job of resettling their tired and cranky newborn!

Obligotory English isn’t my native language warning.

I (F36) have a baby (10wks) with my husband (M36).
Our son is amazing and a pretty easy baby. My son already sleeps through the night which is a godsend. However, this does require a strict nighttime routine of bath, bottle and reading a story. About an hour and a half before he sleeps, but then he sleeps like a grown adult through the night.

The problem is that my MIL has the habit of calling later in the evening when my son is already asleep. She will videocall and insist to see the baby and then end up calling him until he is awake.
We talked to her about calling earlier, but she says she can’t call earlier because she is eating dinner and then has to decompress.
I have also discussed this with my husband that he shouldn’t bring the phone to our son if she calls that late or pick up at all, but he has a hard time saying no to her. I told him that I won’t resettle our son, just because he can’t say no to his mom.

A couple nights ago I was readying myself for bed after putting down our son when the phone rings Husband does pick up and is saying no to see our son, but my MIL insists and begs so I hear my husband slowly caving. She can look, but he isn’t going to turn on the lights nor can she wake him up. (Spoilers: he does and she will). When he is walking to the bedroom I pop my head out and shake no. He shrugs like ‘what can I do?’ and I tell him:’ If you wake him then you will put him back to sleep’. Another apologetic shrug. MIL actually says that she will be quiet and it will only take a minute.

By the time my husband did turn on the light (because she couldn’t see) and she has called our son awake (Because she wanted to see his ‘pretty little eyes’) I’m already in bed. Hearing the entire thing unfold.

Phone call ends, my son is crying and fussing. My husband takes him back into the living room to calm him down, but after half an hour comes up and asks me to do it, since he is tired and wants to sleep, and he has to work tomorrow.
I told him I warned him many times. He insists that I can do it, because I don’t have to work tomorrow. So I tell him: ‘ Neither does your mom and since she is the one that woke him she could settle him back down if my husband wasn’t going to do it, but I am NOT going to do it. ‘
He did end up putting our son back to bed. But it took a long while apparently and made him really tired the next day at work. He went to bed early the next day and is now a little distant.

Friends are divided. So now I feel like I’m the asshole.

BEFORE PEOPLE JUMP ON MY HUSBAND: HE IS A GREAT DAD WHO IS THE ONE SETTLING OUR SON DOWN MOST DAYS SINCE I’M TIRED AND STILL RECOVERING. We split duties equally and if our son was fussy and didn’t want to sleep I would’ve had no problem staying up late to take him to bed. Just not when he is awoken.

Needless to say, nobody with half a brain would side with the husband in this instance – and we’re surprised that their so-called friends would be divided. The woman’s mother-in-law and her son are clearly at fault in this situation, and it was about time they were put in their place.

NTA

Your son doesn’t change his face every single day. She doesn’t need to call daily and needs to adhere to the schedule of a newborn child because it is difficult for new parents. She is selfishly obnoxious and has no excuse over the way she is behaving.

As for the son, he is your husband and you are defensive of him but he needs to have boundaries. These boundaries are not only not unreasonable but perfectly adhering to them is going to save the both of you from a world of sleepless nights.

Since it is his mother being an AH it is his responsibility to be firm with her. Otherwise it will cause other problems as well.

Your MIL though is a stup!d !d!ot for not using her decompression time now. She can delay that. What is wrong with her? (PeaStreet6542)

It was incomprehensible to people that anyone would expect new parent’s to wake up their child at any time of the day, let alone when they are winding down in the evening.

NTA.

Your MIL selfishly demands what she wants, which is to deliberately wake your baby up, which goes directly against what baby needs. Your husband knows there’s a very simple way to prevent this, and you’ve tried that.

Ask MIL to call earlier (she refuses, because it’s not what she wants).

Ask DH not to answer when she calls so late (he does anyway).

Ask DH to tell her baby is asleep and not take the phone into baby’s room. (He does anyway).

Ask DH to at least mute the phone and not turn the light on if he insists on taking in the phone so baby hopefully won’t wake up (He ignores this, and deliberately wakes baby so she can see his eyes).

And now it’s supposed to be your problem that your baby’s sleep is disrupted and baby is upset?

Nope. This is entirely on your husband, and he should be entirely responsible for dealing with the consequences. (Sha-Nanegins)

People also pointed out how that by prioritising his mother’s requests, he was in fact, neglecting his own son’s needs.

NTA. I think waking up a baby who has just fallen asleep by shinning a phone light in his or her eyes is absolutely terrible and cruel. Let the baby sleep! Sleep is so important for a baby’s physical and emotional growth and brain development. Being woken so suddenly with a bright light and squawking MIL has got to a shock to the body.

Your mother-in-law is being a selfish, immature AH by insisting on waking the baby to fulfill her own needs. However, your husband, as good a Dad you say he is, is falling short here. He needs to stand up to his mother and put you and your child first. So he is also the AH here because he could put and end to this by simply saying “NO” to his mother. (666POD)

Whilst everyone agreed that the mother-in-law was acting very odd and entitled, the fact that the husband answered the phone and carried out her bizarre requests was the real issue that the new mum needed to deal with. By making him deal with the consequences of his own actions, people hoped that he’d start standing up to his mum…just as soon as he stopped sulking like a toddler!

I feel like it’s her husbands completely lack of a backbone that caused the issue. Sure MIL’s demands are crazy and inconsiderate, but he’s the one putting his child in discomfort and interrupting his sleep because he can’t say no to mommy. And now he’s mad at her for not picking up his mess? I’d rip him a new one if I were OP. (kh3013)

NTA.

FAFO. And do this every time your MIL calls under similar circumstances (make it clear you will). Maybe it’ll cause your husband to grow a spine and tell her what you’ve been saying this whole time. So if your MIL still wants to “see his pretty little eyes” she’s going to have to switch her “decompression time” with her “call the baby” time. It’s only gone on this long because your husband has allowed it to. (consolelog_a11y)

Realistically, he didn’t even have to tell his mother no. Refusing to answer the phone after a certain time in the evening is a perfectly acceptable boundary to enforce with loved ones.

Simply turn the phones off when it’s time to put your baby to bed. Explain to MIL that it’s YOUR baby’s decompression time before bed and any phone calls will not be answered at that time. By turning the ringers off and blocking off that time, eventually your MIL will stop (jb4380)

What do you think? What would you do if someone kept waking up your newborn?