Ask Eliza – “Am I Being a Drama Queen Here? How Can I Deal With This?”

Dear Eliza,

I am very uncomfortable when people take pictures of me and post them on social media without my permission, and all my friends know that it upsets me. But I have a friend who has posted a series of very unflattering photos of me on Facebook even though I’ve told her clearly how I feel.

These photos of me are hideous, and I look fat in them. I’m sure she knows how terrible I look and I don’t understand why a real friend would humiliate me, or have so little disregard for my well being that she would knowingly do something that hurts my feelings. I’m positive she does it to make herself look better next to an ugly friend. I feel betrayed and humiliated.

I’ve talked to some mutual friends about it and they said that I was overreacting. I have struggled a LOT with low self esteem over the years, and I know I am not attractive at all.

I have been depressed about my weight for a long time but this is salt in a wound. I feel like my friend is just using me to make herself look even better.

I’m a quiet introvert and it’s hard for me to stand up for myself, and people have run all over me all my life. I want to confront her, but I’m not sure how.

So, my question is… how can I deal with this? Am I just being a drama queen? Maybe I’m being ridiculous, but this is driving me insane.

{M., Lochinvar, NSW*}

Thanks for your email, M. I really empathise with you, and I don’t think you are being a drama queen.

I can see that you do have an issue with self esteem, and that it effects you in many ways. While not everyone is covergirl or supermodel material, beauty is entirely subjective. What one person might not find attractive, others will. I think you are being a bit unkind to yourself, to be completely honest. I’m sure others aren’t looking at these pictures the same way that you do.

Having said that, this shit that your so-called friend is pulling is not on.

Warn her once never to post photos with you in them without your permission first. Make it clear this is a one time warning. If she does, firmly tell her to remove them. Social media has options to report photos for violation of privacy. Report every single photo, every time. She will eventually learn that every time she posts a photo with you in it, it will be removed by the social media platform.

The first time she posts a photo of you after the warning, cut all contact. Tell her to remove the photo(s), then completely remove her from your life. If she can’t respect your boundaries, she is not your friend. Do not give her another chance. She’s already had plenty.

I can see it would be difficult to do this within a circle of friends, but I feel like this is the only way to get your point across that you have the right to decide whether or not your image is displayed on the internet.

This is a boundary issue. It isn’t about your looks. Plenty of people don’t like having their photos taken, and even more want to keep their image off social media for a variety of reasons. If your friends can’t respect that, it may be time to find some new friends, as difficult as that may be.

Best of luck, M. Stay strong!