Ask Eliza – “My MIL Walked in on Us Having Sex, Now She Won’t Speak to Me”

Dear Eliza,

My husband and I are in our mid-twenties and we went on holiday with his family recently. We were all staying at the same hotel and his mum took everyone’s spare room keys to use in case of emergency. We didn’t think anything of it at the time.

We were a little late coming down to dinner as we decided to have a quickie. Unfortunately, my mother in law decided to come and see why we were running late, and despite the Do Not Disturb tag on the door, used the room key to barge on in.

She saw us going at it doggy-style on the bed. We laughed at her shocked face and she quickly left and we finished. We showered and dressed and went down to dinner expecting a few awkward jokes and some laughs but not this.

My MIL now refuses to speak to me and is making shameful remarks about me in front of the rest of the family. Judging by their reactions, they don’t know that she had busted us having sex. She won’t even look at my husband, her own son, either!

We’ve only been married for a few months but together for three years before we wed. I will not be slut-shamed by my MIL for having sex with my own husband!

How do we get past this?

{name withheld, Freemantle, WA*}

Firstly, congrats on your marriage and healthy sex life! Go you!

Secondly, WTF is wrong with your mother in law? Who barges into someone else’s room without knocking first, especially if you are well aware that the couple are newlyweds?

She sounds incredibly prudish and judgemental, to be honest. Maybe she was horrified at the sexual position you were partaking in? Maybe if you were in the missionary position with the blankets pulled up to your neck and the curtains firmly shut and lights out, she’d think it more acceptable?! How ridiculous!!

She has made an awkward situation into an active problem. She intruded on a private moment. Not cool. She’s the one who should be apologising in this situation, but that may be a stretch for this woman.

Here’s my advice:

Do whatever the fuck you want with your husband behind closed doors. That business is yours and yours alone.

You are not at fault here. Your mother in law is the one who didn’t call, didn’t knock, didn’t pay attention to the Do Not Disturb sign. She’s the idiot who caused this mess, not you guys. She should reassess her boundaries when it comes to her adult family.

Your husband needs to pull her aside and tell her to knock this shit off. He needs to tell her to stop insulting his wife immediately. He needs to tell her that neither of you are ashamed of what you did and that her comments degrading and shaming you need to end, or they will have to have a pretty serious conversation.

And maybe next time, try not to leave your dinner companions waiting for you to finish getting off before having dinner. They were probably getting a bit hangry and a little consideration for others goes a long way.