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Grieving Father is Blindsided By Request from His Mum and Sister Just Days After His Daughter’s Death

Losing a child is undoubtedly one of the worst things a person could ever have to go through. It causes an unspeakable pain that for many, never truly goes away. It’s for this reason, that the following story is both heart-wrenching and completely dumbfounding. A recently bereaved  father shared the awful situation his mother and sister had put him in, after the death of his 14 year old daughter. His daughter, who had been battling cancer for almost 2 years had been admitted to hospital the day before her 14th birthday. Rather than open her presents in the hospital she she had decided to wait until she got home so that it felt like a real celebration. Unfortunately, over the following week her health declined and she passed away without ever opening her gifts.

The dad explains:

I (m41) am a single dad to my daughter (14). Her mom couldn’t care less about our daughter so it’s always been my daughter and I.

Almost 2 years ago my daughter got diagnosed with cancer at first it was Leukima but it eventually spread to her brain. Watching her go through this made me realize how strong and tough my girl is.

On the 9th my daughter unexpectedly got admitted to the hospital. Her birthday was the next day and she told me she wanted to wait until she got home to open presents and celebrate her birthday. So she and I ended up eating cake and watching movies in her hospital room for her bday. After that Her health declined pretty rapidly A week later (the 17th) she passed away.

I had all her presents ready in the recliner she always sits in for when she came home. Well that never happened so they have been just sitting there. The family had also brought over gifts for her mostly simple things they knew she would like clothes, blankets, water bottles, etc. I got her an Ipad as well as a few small things.

At this stage in the story, our hearts are breaking for this poor man. The grief he must be feeling is unfathomable to anyone who hasn’t had a similar experience. But, things take a very unexpected turn a few days after his daughter’s death when her grandmother and aunt come around to help him with the funeral arrangements.

This morning my mom, dad, and sister came over to my house for the first time since she passed. We were going to make a picture board and slide show for her funeral. After we started working on both my sister noticed the presents and asked if my daughter ever opened them. I explained she wanted to wait until she got home to celebrate/open presents. And I haven’t felt right moving them yet.

My Sister and mom said we should just give them to my sister’s twin daughters who are turning 13 in about 2 weeks. I said I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing my nieces our using gifts meant for my daughter. And if I was to do anything with the gifts I would donate the ones I can to the children’s hospital. My mom and sister argued that it’s right to keep the gifts in the family rather than going to complete strangers and I’m just being a selfish AH.

Readers were understandably horrified by these requests, and one commenter observed, ”it is sickening how some people feel greed instead of grief.’

‘A selfish asshole for donating to people in need…make it make sense,’ another quipped.

One person, taking a closer look at the dates the man shared, said ‘I legit had to look at my calendar and count the days. It’s been four days since his daughter passed. Four. OP’s sister is a disgusting vulture.’

“I’ve worked in an estate law firm for 13 years and have seen some vicious fights go down between family members days after a death” explained another, “but nothing quite as disturbing as asking for a dead child’s toys before she has even been laid to rest…They should be absolutely disgusted with themselves.”

Other commenters, who had lost a child themselves offered their heartfelt advice.

Hi OP, I’m reaching out as the mom of an angel. My son will always be 15. I would like to tell you that you do not have to do ANYTHING with your daughter’s things. Not yet. Wait until you can see straight to make any decisions. The things will be there waiting for when you can breathe again. (StillStaringAtTheSky)

One internet stranger even took it upon themselves to craft a response for OP to send to his mother and sister.

Let me make myself perfectly clear. You are not going to make me feel bad about how I choose to grieve my daughter’s death. If donating these things in her honor helps me, then that is what I am going to do. The fact that you would attempt to make me feel bad right now…like I would be a bad person for donating these things instead of gifting them to your daughters who are still on this earth with you, while mine is gone forever disgusts me. I can honestly say I have never been more disappointed in any human being than I am right now in the two of you. And frankly, I don’t want to see or hear from either of you for a while. You both need to get the hell away from me before I say something I can never take back.

NTA (The_Riker_Maneuver)

OP expressed his appreciation for this comment and said “when they said something about giving the gifts that were supposed to be my daughter’s I was honestly in shock and didn’t have much to say because life recently has been me just trying to do things one step at a time so I didn’t have the brain energy to have a good response like this I just knew giving the gifts that were supposed to be my daughter’s to my nieces felt wrong and I couldn’t imagine them having those gifts instead of my daughter especially if I saw them with those gifts… So thank you for this comment (candybar2233)

How do you think OP should deal with the demands of his family on his daughter’s possessions?

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Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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