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What Creates Self Esteem?

self esteem

self esteem

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Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem?

Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us, however many people have false beliefs about what creates this worth.

Some of the common false beliefs people hold regarding what builds self-esteem are:

  • I will feel worthy when I’m making $______(fill in the amount) a month.
  • I will feel good about myself when I am in a relationship with a (beautiful) (handsome) (wealthy) (loving) (fill in own) person.
  • I will feel better when I get enough approval from enough people.
  • I will feel adequate when I have a baby, another baby etc.
  • I will feel worthwhile when_______(fill in desired outcome that you attach to your sense of worth).

Have you ever heard any of those thoughts going on in your own head? There are many people who have all of the above and still do not feel a deep sense of self worth, take celebrities for instance despite the fame and fortune many of them still don’t feel a sense of self worth and turn to various forms of addiction to escape how they feel about themselves. The reason for this is because self esteem has nothing to do with anything external, such as looks, approval, money, or relationships with others.

Self esteem, or the lack of it, is solely the result of how we see and treat ourselves. People who ignore, invalidate, or judge their feelings and needs feel badly about themselves whereas people who attend to their own feelings and needs with loving action feel good about themselves.

If you grew up with parents who were hardworking and very caring about their children, yet who didn’t take good care of themselves chances are you won’t take good care of yourself either as you didn’t have role models teaching you to take personal responsibility. What example are you setting for your own children, often as parent’s we are so busy taking care of everyone else we forget to take care of ourselves.

Treating yourself badly will always result in feeling badly. It is difficult to feel good about yourself unless you are treating yourself as a worthwhile person. The more loving action someone is willing to take on their own behalf – taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, relationship, and spiritual responsibility – the better they will feel about themselves.

When a person begins to take loving care of themselves, the wounded self – the part of them that has low self-esteem – begins to heal. Self-esteem is the result of taking loving action, not the cause of it. It doesn’t matter how you were treated as a child, or how your parents treated themselves, your actions need never be governed by your past. If you devote yourself, moment-by-moment, to taking loving action on your own behalf, you will discover that the result will be higher self-esteem.

Are you taking loving care of yourself? If not what can you start doing today to change that?


Jo Thomson is a Personal Success Coach with many years experience as both a Midwife and Single Parent. You can join her 60 Day Self Esteem Challenge at or via the Facebook page




Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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