Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Search in posts
Search in pages

“I Decided My 11-Year-Old Step-Daughter Was Becoming Vain, So I Forced Her to Cut Her Long Blonde Hair Off.”

Whilst some step parents pour their heart and soul into building a strong relationship with their partner’s children, others are clearly not up to the task . For some individuals, having to share their significant other is a source of annoyance, and they find having to care for children who are not biologically theirs tiresome. This certainly sounds like it is the case for one woman who recently wrote in to Reddit looking for validation that she hadn’t done anything wrong when she forced her 11-year-old step daughter to have her beautiful long blonde wavy hair, which she had grown past her bottom, cut to her shoulders.

I (31) met my husband (34m) 8 years ago, and we have been married for 6. He has an 11 year old daughter from a previous relationship.

I work from home so I mainly end up taking care of her. I have since she was young. We have a generally good relationship. She stays at her mothers most weekends.

She has incredibly long blonde wavy hair, just past her bottom. It’s a nightmare to take care of. It frequently tangles and she always needs help brushing and styling it before school. I’m not a morning person and I do not like having to wake up early to do a kids hair. It’s expensive to maintain as she requires more products, she insists on using hair oils which can cost around $11 and only last a few weeks. She also insists she has to use curly hair shampoo instead of regular shampoo and conditioner which is often over $10 per bottle. And she goes through it at a fast rate. She won’t use a regular brush on it as she insists it breaks her hair and hurts so she uses a wide tooth comb which takes a long time to brush when she could be doing other more productive things such as homework or helping me with chores.

Already there are some tell-tale signs that this step mum begrudges having to care for this young girl, and doesn’t see why her life should be disrupted by her. She certainly doesn’t want to have to get out of bed ‘early to do a kids hair’ or provide specialised hair care products! Wow! But, hold on to your hats, because it’s about to get worse!

I decided she had become obsessed with her hair, and I do not want her to become vain, so I decided it needs to be cut.

In my experience, 11 year old girls are too busy being self-conscious about their changing bodies to be vain, FFS! But, Op has decided, so it must be true!

I don’t see it as a big deal as I have always had shoulder length hair as my hair does not grow very fast and I get frequent trims. It’s a lot more practical.

Ah, now I feel like we are getting to the crux of the matter! She has never been able to grow beautiful hair herself!

I took her to the hairdressers as normal. In the car on the way down she said she wants to make sure the hairdresser doesn’t cut too much. I politely explained that I would like her to cut her hair to shoulder length as it has become a burden.

At first she thought I was joking, but when she realised she started to cry. When we got to the salon, the hairdresser was reluctant to cut her hair due to her tears but I explained the trouble we have maintaining it, and assured cutting it would be best for her.

Despite her step-daughter being very obviously distraught by her plan to chop her hair off, she proceeds, because presumably it’ll be easier for her, and to hell with how this poor child feels!


In the end the stylist agreed and cut her hair. The stylist braided her hair then cut it. She kept it. Her hair was now just past shoulder length, and looked a lot darker.

That’s because you’ve literally cut off all her beautiful baby hair you MONSTER!

The car journey home was silent, I offered her McDonald’s but she refused. She went straight to her room when we got back.

My husband went up to see her when he got home and apparently found her on her bed sobbing holding her old hair. My husband immediately called her mother to come and collect her and as soon as my stepdaughter was out the door, he started yelling. Her mother also came in and gave me a mouthful.

You are very lucky she didn’t rip you a new ar**hole!


I explained my reasoning but my husband wouldn’t budge. He said if I had issue he would have done her hair in the mornings and that he didn’t mind paying for the products. He was so furious he said he no longer trusts me around his daughter, and doesn’t know if he can be with a woman who he doesn’t trust with her. This broke my heart.

I didn’t mean her any harm, I was just so tired and I’m trying to reduce stress. I’ve always been the one to raise her and her brother and I’m just exhausted. AITA?

Commenters did not hold back when delivering her undeniable assehole status!


How DARE you cut her hair and take away her autonomy just because you have decided she is vain? What the absolute hell. I am seriously at a loss for words that you even have to ask whether or not this was an asshole thing to do.

Shame on you, seriously. (Impressive_Rock_8967)


And labelling that as “vain” was so useful, as it enabled doing anything to that girl in the name of morality. (mayhnavea)


She could be doing other more productive things like… helping me with chores.

THAT is the real issue. OP wants a step that’s more Cinderella and way less Rapunzel. (Bleu_Cerise)

Many commenters believed that the woman already knew it was a shitty thing to do judging by the sneaky way she went about it.

She could have just sat the girl and the father down and explained she was super tired of doing that and they need another solution. And she knew what she was doing was wrong or she wouldn’t have only told the girl in the car but talked about it with her and her father before, even if just in an offhand comment. (Cam515278)

YTA!!!!! Lemme tell ya something as a middle school teacher: 11 year olds aren’t vain. They are generally insecure, don’t like change, and are finding their identity. You took a part of herself away from her.

SHAME ON YOU (Bug_Still)



As the mother of an 11yr old… damn I wish mine was vain over something. She’s gorgeous but is so crippling insecure over everything 😭😭 (smooshee)

Others believed she wasn’t so much jealous, as downright lazy.

No way in hell she actually was worried that the kid would become vain. It’s a bullshit excuse to give herself some moral standing for doing an objectively shitty thing out of laziness. (Virtual-Volume-8826)

We’re just glad to know that the girl’s father isn’t sweeping this giant reg flag under the rug.

What would you do if someone did this to your child?


Want to get top trending news, recipes, giveaways and the hottest deals delivered straight to your inbox once a week?

* Indicates required

Email Format:



Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

For security, use of Google's reCAPTCHA service is required which is subject to the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

I agree to these terms.