One woman is upset with her in-laws after overhearing her husband’s sister comment that her newborn was a bit ‘funny looking.’ The two women who had come to visit and meet the baby for the first time and give the new mum some help with housework, were taken aback when the angry mum confronted them. A year on, she still hasn’t forgiven them and is refusing to allow them to come to her son’s first birthday despite her husband’s wish to have them join in the celebrations.

My husband says I am an AH, but I think I’m in the right here, so I wanted to have other perspectives. (I’m going to show this post to my husband).

3 weeks after giving birth, my MIL and SIL came to see my son at my house. They both offered to do some housework, to help my husband and me. They were both in the kitchen when I went downstairs to get something. I heard my SIL say “the baby … isn’t he funny looking?” my MIL laughed and told my SIL to save that conversation for another time.

We all know that “funny looking” is code for “ugly”, so I was supremely angry. When I called them out for what they were saying, they excused themselves by saying it was an innocent comment and that they weren’t being serious when they said that.

My son’s 1st birthday is next weekend and I invited most of our relatives except my MIL and SIL. When my husband asked me why I didn’t want his mother and sister there, I reminded him of what they said about our son the first time they met him, and I told him that I still can’t get over their comments (mostly because they haven’t even apologize or something similar).

My husband is mad at me now because I refuse to have them at the party. He says that everyone makes comments about the appearance of babies and that his mother and sister did not want to hurt me by what they said. He says I’m being unreasonable for not forgiving my MIL and SIL for something they said a year ago.

If the woman thought she was going to receive support for her stance against her in-laws she would have been very disappointed. Hundreds of commenters confirmed the fact that newborn babies are funny looking!

I looked like Winston Churchill! And my sister looked like E.T.

YTA. Babies look weird for a couple months. (snufkin)

All babies look like angry potatoes. (RIPCarlGrimes)

My twins use to be so offended that I said they were ugly babies. We looked at old photos and then they were like “yeah.” Newborns are ugly. (UniqueUsername718)

YTA both my children were “interesting” looking babies. Subjectively I thought they were the most gorgeous babies ever. Objectively they looked like skinned cats. Lots of newborns do. You are completely overreacting and causing unnecessary drama. Move the f on. (Mazza1983)

People thought that the issue was that she was assuming that they meant ‘ugly’ when they said, ‘funny looking,’ and pointed out that this wasn’t necessarily the case.

YTA I know you think your kid is perfect but sometimes it takes babies a little while to grow into their looks. 3 weeks in definitely don’t look the same as they will even at 3 months. You’re being too sensitive and jumping to ugly when they just said funny looking. (keesouth)

YTA. It’s been almost a year and you’re still upset about a comment that you weren’t even supposed to hear? Sorry, but your baby probably *was* funny looking – newborns usually are. It’s way past time to let this go. Your husband is completely right. (yourlittlebirdie)

The main issue seems to be that she thinks she has the right to exclude her husband’s family regardless of how he feels about it and without considering how this will affect her toddler in the long run not having a relationship with his family.

Your husband doesn’t agree with excluding relatives from his child’s life or important events, and it seems you’ve been stewing over this without any actual conversation since for twelve months.

YTA. You don’t get to make these decisions separate from him. (StripedBadger)

YWBTA

I wouldn’t call you an AH for feeling protective over your little baby and having a reasonable emotional reaction to an unkind comment.

However, unless there are some other issues with the relatives at play here, I think it is a very harsh punishment. They want to be part of the family, your husband wants them there, and they certainly haven’t harmed your son in any way.

They possibly think that an apology would be making more of the comment than it was, right or wrong.

For me, I love laughing at babies as they are often so funny looking, and it is not at all a reflection of how they will look when they are older, so it feels fair game. It’s nothing against the baby, and they are still cute and loved. (StartiArtFart)

Other commenters pointed out that she will cause many more problems within her marriage if she decides to die on this hill and needs to look at the bigger picture.

YTA for all the other reasons everyone has explained, in addition to which, this is not your unilateral decision to make. Your son is just as much your husband’s son and your home is just as much his home as it is yours. You don’t get veto over your husband’s close family members being allowed to see his child, just because you’re overreacting to an overheard comment you didn’t like. Unless there’s so extreme case of abuse, child endangerment etc, one parent doesn’t get to prevent the other from letting their child have contact with their family.

You don’t have to like your MIL and SIL anymore, you don’t have to forgive them, you don’t have to speak to them if you don’t want. That’s your choice, you can hold the grudge as long as you like. But you do not get sole control over access to your shared son and shared home. You do not get to ruin your son and husband’s relationship with your in-laws. Imagine how you would feel if your husband tried to dictate that your family was banned from your home and from seeing your son.

Keep going and you may soon find yourself divorced, with 50% custody, and your husband taking your son to see his family on his own time. You’re pathetically petty and vindictive and need to get over yourself. (Roadlesstravelledon)

OP you’re an adult sit them down and explain why you’re mad and that an apology wasn’t given and you were hurt by their comments. Maybe in their mind they thought what they said was in a roundabout way an apology. You’re in a for a stressful marriage if this is how you approach every “problem” with the in laws! (sunnysideup8)

What do you think? Is she right to feel hurt? Is she taking things too far?