A new mother has taken to social media for advice after her husband’s behaviour in the delivery room. Although her husband Shawn (fake name) was amzing throughout the pregnancy, the issues started when she went into labour.

“I was full term, 40 weeks 5 days with a big baby 9lb 7oz and the labour was AWFUL,” she explains. “It started around 2 in the morning. I woke with pain. It was manageable but very uncomfortable. I wasn’t at the point of needing to go to the hospital as in the Uk you jhave to be at least 4cm dilated before they admit you and my contractions weren’t close enough or long enough. Shawn refused to get out of bed to support me, stating that “it’s not proper labour yet and I need my sleep ready for when it is.””

I went downstairs and things quickly progressed, now I was in absolute agony and trying to shout up to him to come downstairs, finally at around 7.30am (5 and a half hours after it started) he came downstairs, we made our way to the hospital and I was in active labour for 10 hours, Shawn was in and out of the room, going to get himself coffee or food, or going to make a phone call, he left the room probably 10 times, (once an hour for around 20 minutes each time) every time a different excuse. The worst part comes next…. I delivered my beautiful baby boy, luckily Shawn was in the room, I tore pretty badly and needed stitches, Shawn said to the male Dr who was stitching me up “do you think you could add a couple more stitches for me mate”, clearly expecting a laugh but the room fell silent.”

‘The Dr then said “that could cause lots of issues for the patient so no absolutely not” and Shawn remained silent. I was mortified, embarrassed, angry and so so upset because Shawn knows that for me (I have a history of SA) having a male Dr down there would be a very scary triggering experience for me and instead of consoling me he made the situation so  much worse. I’ve told him that in future if we have more children, I don’t want him present and I want my mum instead he is upset and has apologised saying it was nerves making him act that way but I can’t get over how let down I feel.”

Commenters were quick to sympathise with the woman and point out that her husband’s little ‘joke’ was based on an unethical and harmful practice that many women have been subjected to without their consent.

I was given a husband stitch, whether accidentally or on purpose by the doctor, I don’t know, but it caused pain and bleeding until I had my second child a year later and was stitched up properly. It’s an awful thing. (JanislansChestHair) 

Same thing happened to me almost 40 years ago. The doctor asked my husband not me, I didn’t even know he did it until we went home. I was in so much pain it hurt to walk and sex was very painful until my second child. I told the ob/gyn practice I was refusing to see that specific doctor again and why for my second pregnancy. They fixed it at my second delivery, but I still feel traumatised just remembering how they treated me like my husbands ‘property’ doing that. (Hekatiko)

“I got a husband stitch without any consent or even conversation. Dr mentioned after stitching me up that he added an extra one or two. I was already small for my partner, and it caused a ton of trauma and extra complications for years. (mommadevil)

What Shawn suggested wasn’t just a bad joke—it’s known as “the husband stitch,” which is harmful and unethical, not to mention an outdated and misogynistic concept. If he tries to brush it off with “I didn’t know it was that serious,” that’s on him; it’s his responsibility to understand the impact of his words, especially in such an intimate and vulnerable moment. If he’s worried about how things feel, maybe he should look into improving himself rather than making comments that show a lack of empathy or maturity. (Life-Net5457)

Unfortunately some dudes do seriously ask for it and there are definitely doctors who do it – even though it’s illegal and even knowing it will pretty much inevitably cause issues down the road for the actual patient. It’s terrifying and absolutely disgusting. (SinsOfKnowing)

Other people wondered how he’d react if his wife made a similar comment about his body.

Imagine if he was uncircumcised and you asked his doctor in front of him to give him a circumcision because you’ve heard it’s better for your pleasure (side note – it’s a myth). That is the example I would give to him. Even if he is already circumcised, I think that would be a clear example of what he asked for. So many men would rather their partners undergo invasive surgery for tubal ligation rather than have the much less invasive snip that is a vasectomy, because it’s all about them and their pleasure. There is a reason that the “husband stitch” is malpractice, not least of which is that tightening the opening makes zero difference to how “tight” a woman is. That’s all on the pelvic floor muscles. So basically, you just cause significant pain by trying to fit in a smaller hole. Men really can suck. Luckily mine doesn’t. (throwaway_7m)

Commenters were glad to hear that the Dr put the husband back in his place over his ignorant attempt at a joke, and others shared how other medical professionals had of dealing with similar requests. In some cases making a joke like this could even land a man in hot water, with alarms raised over whether or not he abuses his partner.

I saw a video of an OB-GYN on social media who said that when dads make jokes like that, they loudly ask them “how small do you need it?” (Carbonatite)

My aunt is a labor and delivery nurse. She has an amazing female doctor who she works with. A new dad asked that stupid question. Without missing a beat, the doctor looked at his crotch and said that she didn’t have enough sutures to make it that small. (Eris_39)

My friend’s husband is an OB. Anytime he has a husband ask for a “few extra stitches” he calls social work and has do a DV screening. He feels like it’s a better safe than sorry situation. It screens out the actual abusive assholes and scares the awkward trying to be funny types into realizing some stuff is off limits. (photogypsy)

Yuuup. Former OB nurse here- we would have reacted the same way as the nurses/doctors in this situation and we would have a lovely little private discussion with mama to assess for social support needs (cough cough, are you being abused) (Boring-Agent3245)

But our favourite comment comes from Reddit user @cressidacole who quipped “Never be allowed in the delivery room again? Ma’am, he should never be allowed near your vagina again!”

What do you think? Was it a harmless joke or should men stop making light of the horrifying practice of female genital mutilation?