Dear readers, before we launch into this guest post, it is important to note that I have spent many a night convincing my girlfriend that she should join us here at Mums Lounge to share her experiences with internet dating.
She is hilarious, has a wonderful way with words, and has a knack for attracting some very ‘interesting’ people into her life! Yes! Me included!
Between working full-time, taking care of her 3 children, and attending to the communication involved in meeting new people online, (like me she is adept at rattling off an essay-length text message when a simple yay or nay would probably have sufficed) writing this blog has ben put on the back-burner for sometime. But she has finally agreed to share some of her stories, and I cannot wait for you to hear about some of the doozey that have had me crying into my wine glass with laughter on our girls-nights around the fire-pit!
I’d love it if you could show your support by commenting, as I’d love for her to catch the blogger-bug and make this a regular spot on the blog!
So, without further ado, I give you…
A Single Mum’s Foray into the World of Internet Dating: Part 1
A light bulb has suddenly illuminated above my head – there has been no ‘man friend’ in my vicinity for some time. Times are tough and I’m beginning to wonder if my hymen has grown back. It has dawned on me that I’m in need of some lovin’ – what to do, what to do…
I’ve popped myself on RSVP – no doubt a diary entry or 2 will be born from that little endeavour. It’s perfect really – I am an awesome pen pal and nothing if not verbose. The profile writing was more difficult than expected – luckily I have an editor for a bestie, proof reading was not an issue. Once I realised I had a perfectly good profile I whacked it on several dating sites, I figured why not flood the market.
What has followed has been a bit of an adventure, I’ve had fun, met some good people and had seriously good belly laughs with the bestie over a (vino or two).
He had mentioned on the telephone early on in the piece that he enjoys golf and tries to have a game each week – I took no notice. I had text him requesting his surname, he replied with the name and asking why? I explained that my friends needed to know just in case I was abducted, having a full name would allow them to hunt him more easily.
Once we had met, we were joking about the earlier surname text. I told him that the girls were probably googling him there and then and that if anything untoward came up, they be on to it. He laughed it off and said they’d probably only find a couple of golf things, (again I took no notice).
We went our separate ways and I didn’t think we’d catch up again – really wasn’t any ‘spark’ to speak of. Later googling proved he was some super representative golfing dude and that was a huge fan of plaid. Probably lucky there was no spark there was no chance in hell I’d be lugging the golf bag around following a little white ball and ‘golf clapping’ (see what I did there??), encouragingly.
So the Golfer went by the way side and I wasn’t fazed. Then out of the blue days later I get a text from him explaining he didn’t think it would work out as and he’s offended by my tattoos. Now lets be clear, I have a small visible tattoo on my foot and a small tattoo on the underside of my forearm, I’m not getting around rocking sleeves. Apparently girls aren’t supposed to have tattoos..
(a) I’m a woman, not a girl.
(b) It’s just how I roll.
Meanwhile I started chatting to another man. He has tattoos, I carefully perused his profile pictures for evidence of ink & it’s there. Less likely to be offended by mine.
The One With The Daughter…
We had been chatting online for a while and suggested we connect on Facebook & sent me search details. Off I went (mid work day, so slightly unfocused) & sent a friend request.
My heart stopped.
‘Holy Shit!’ I thought. ‘My beloved girlfriends have a truckload of photos on there of drunk me!’ So I sent a disclaimer. I sent a disclaimer anywhere I could! RSVP message, Facebook message, whatever I could think of. He said he didn’t care. But you know what? If he did care, it wouldn’t have mattered – its me with my friends, it’s how it is.
Turns out I needn’t have worried. This became clear to me when I met him for a drink and he had his 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend with him. There was very little conversation contribution by me (unusual given I’m very capable of talking…. under water…. with a mouthful of marbles..). Basically the daughter and my date spent the entire time speaking ill of his ex (her mother). Turns out this charming young lady knows more colourful language than I do. Those that know me (or even just work with me) know I’m not afraid to bandy about profanity. This girl had even I grabbing for my pearls!
Now I can tell you two things, a) if I spoke like that in ear shot of my parents I would not be here to tell the tale, and b) if my children speak like that in my ear shot they will not be telling the tale.
So – just to recap… This is the first date, he has brought his daughter and her boyfriend, discussion is largely around the ex, in front of the daughter, with both parties using extremely colourful descriptors for this woman who gave birth to the daughter.
Needless to say I suddenly learnt to skull my beer in manner that would rival the talent of Bob Hawke and high tailed it out of there.
What was the most awkward date you’ve ever been on?