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I (don’t) Like (Having a) Big Butt and I Cannot Lie ~ Mummy Mix-a-Lot

I have been in denial for quite some time now.

At first I was happy to blame the gaping hole in the front of my favourite jeans on a dodgy zip.

It didn’t matter how many times I zipped it back up, within a few minutes of me breathing normally, my fly was open again.  I began to wear longer tops.

It became increasingly difficult to blame the jeans however, when the same thing began to happen to all of my jeans.

Of course, despite what I might like to believe, my jeans were not all conspiring against me.  The truth was clear for anyone to see.  My hips were expanding and my poor overworked zips were fighting a losing battle!

It is true dear readers.  As much as I hate to admit it, I have fallen victim to a cursed affliction, known colloquially as Blogger’s Butt.  A whole extra six kilos in fact of bloggers butt, and other wobbly bits….eeek!

Of course, with spring in the air, and the promise of warmer weather to come I have realised that a summer wardrobe will not allow me to cover up my lumps and bumps quite so well as a jumper and jeans.  And to be quite frank ladies, I would rather have paper-cuts on my eyeballs than be seen in a bikini at the moment.

It’s all so unfair!  I have become quite attached to my recently acquired fuller bosoms.  In fact the only time they have ever been bigger was when I was breastfeeding and the baby slept through the night for the first time.  The unbroken sleep was magical of course, but waking up with a very sore chest the size of Dolly Parton’s was slightly less enjoyable.  In fact, it was bloody excruciating!

But, I know that, unfortunately, whatever exercise I do will make me start to shrink in all the wrong places, and in entirely the wrong order.  My chest will be the first to disappear and my bottom and belly will be the last places to see any improvement.  So in order to get the bum that I would be happy to wear a bikini on, I have to forfeit my ideal bikini bosoms!


Tell me, is anyone else quietly horrified at the thought of having to slip into swimwear soon?  More importantly, does anyone have any ideas how I can trick my body into letting me keep my chest and ditch the rest?








Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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