In keeping with today’s Halloween theme I have decided to share another of the stories I wrote about Sheila the Outback Witch a few years ago.

(A huge thank you to everyone who read An Outback Halloween and left comments on the blog and on my Facebook page. I really REALLY appreciate it!)

The story I want to share is the first one I ever wrote about Sheila.  The Woo was a toddler and Foghorn was just a wee bub.  Hubbster and I, already sick of having the house overflowing with toys decided instead of buying our little men more toys for Christmas, we’d invest in a cubby house.  Although Foghorn at the time was too young of course, we reasoned that before we knew it he would be up and about…and besides it’d be the perfect place to store some of the toy overspill.

As Hubbster put the finishing touches to erecting the so-named ‘Outback cubby,’ I was reminded of a childhood game my sister and I played.  We called it ‘the witches game’ and from memory it consisted predominantly with me ‘capturing’ my younger sister and locking her in the garden shed, and then laughing manically through the window at her.  I can still smell the turps when I think about it and see her curls bouncing around as she laughed back.

She’d then escape, and so the game would begin again with me capturing her.  We’d play it for hours.  Strangely, I was always cast in the role of witch!

That evening, my subconscious somehow melded these two things in my mind, and the Outback Witch was born.

It’s not the best in the series by far, but I wanted to give you more of a sense of her character and surrounds before I share the Christmas story with you later in the year.

 The Outback Witch

Sheila was a funny witch.

In her tumble-down old shack

She lived with her familiars

In the Australian Outback.

She wore a wide-brimmed hat

To keep the sun out of her eyes,

And from it dangled yellow corks

To keep away the flies.

She always applied her sunscreen,

Taking special care ‘round her warts,

And traded in her big black cloak

For thongs and long board shorts.

She didn’t own a broomstick

She couldn’t fly, she said.

It gave her travel sickness.

She rode a kangaroo instead!

The kangaroo was six feet tall,

She nicknamed him Big Red.

They were the very best of friends,

At least, that’s what they said.

It was a very bumpy ride

So the witch attached a seat,

And fitted shock absorbers

She thought it worked a treat!

The witch and ‘roo would bounce about

In search of water wells,

And herbs and plants and other things,

She used to brew her spells.

She didn’t keep the usual pets

A rabbit, guinea pig or dog,

Instead she had a bilby,

And a water-holding frog.

Sheila had no next-door neighbours.

She didn’t even have a phone.

But the animals kept her company,

So she never felt alone.

They lived together peacefully

In the tumble-down old shack,

And thought there was no better place

Than the Australian Outback.

One day the witch got mail

Postmarked from the city.

Just as she suspected

It was from her sister Kitty.

Kitty was coming for a visit.

She said she’d be there soon.

Sheila grumbled inwardly,

She’d have to share her room.

Just then the door flung open

And Kitty waltzed right in.

“How can you live in such a house?

It’s made from wood and tin!”

“You don’t have the internet?

I can’t survive without cable!”

She threw herself onto a chair

And put her feet up on the table.

“The city is so much nicer”

Kitty said, plumping up her chair.

“In the city we do things differently.”

Sheila wished she’d go back there.

 “Not owning a broomstick is ludicrous

Fancy riding a kangaroo!

You need to get on Brooms r’us

Dot com dot au.”

“And darling, where’s your en suite?

Dear me!  Don’t be funny!

You mean you really have to use

That horrid outdoor dunny?”

‘”That place is full of cobwebs

And there’s a spider on the lid.”

Sheila rolled her eyes and said

“The spider’s name is Sid!”

Kitty had brought her cat along

And he was just as rude.

He tried to claw the bilby

And he ate all Big Red’s food.

But for all her airs and graces

Kitty didn’t do as she ought’a

She left a mess around the shack

And used far too much water.

But Sheila had a cunning plan

That witch, she wasn’t silly.

She planted in the garden

An Andamookah Lily.

Then Sheila sat back smiling

(Kitty was moaning once again),

Sheila pretended not to hear,

She was waiting for the rain.

That night her prayers were answered

The rain came hammering down

“At last,’” Sheila cackled quietly,

“She’ll soon go back to town.”

Next morning over breakfast

Brewing bush tea in a billy,

Sheila pointed out ‘the window

At the Andamookah Lily.

“Did you see what grew last night?

Sister, isn’t it pretty?

It has lovely yellow flowers

Do you get them in the city?”

Kitty had no idea

As far as Sheila could tell

That the pretty flower emitted

A foul and pungent smell.

“Oh,,” Kitty smiled spitefully,

“I don’t wish to be mean,

But since being in this wretched place

It’s the prettiest thing I’ve seen!”

She rushed out to the garden

And was hit with such a stink.

She threw her hand across her nose

And stepped upon a skink.

She screamed and cursed and wailed,

And gave the skink a kick.

Then she started turning green,

“I’m going to be sick!”

“This is just too disgusting

I need to leave this place.”

And within seven seconds flat

She was gone without a trace.

So, if you see this Lily

My friend, you will know

That your host has had enough of you

And that it’s time to go!

Now Sheila’s living happily

In her tumble-down old shack

Just her, and her familiars,

In the Australian Outback.

Jolene Humphry