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What Surprising Delights are Lurking in the Bottom of Your Handbag?

When we make the decision to have children, we know that upon their arrival, our lives will undergo a transformation.  Admittedly, often we underestimate quite how imposing and drastic those changes might be (especially in those shell-shocked, sleep deprived first weeks). 

As Sophia Loren famously stated ‘a mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.’  In addition to the almighty, irreversible shift in priorities which parenthood brings, there are also many other changes which we have to accept or adjust to.  

As women we are prepared for the fact, (to a certain degree,) that our bodies will change.  Starting a family also has certain financial ramifications.   Many families have to factor in the loss of one income, buy new furniture and other baby related necessities, and change their homes and often their cars in order to accommodate the new little person in their lives.

Although they may not always be easy changes, we expect them and accept them as part of the journey of parenthood.

What I hadn’t been expecting, was that the omnipotent presence of The Woo, Foghorn and Bubble, in my life, would also trespass into my handbag.  That’s right!  My handbag.    

My folly is all too clear now.

This morning, rifling through my handbag to find my car keys, my fingers closed around something squidgy in the far reaches of my newest leather handbag.   With masked trepidation, I slowly pulled out a small plastic bag of grapes, well past their scoff-by-date.  In fact the remains of the grapes were more reminiscent of a chardonnay slushy, than a piece of fruit.  Bleurgh! 

I’ve always half-fancied trying to make my own wine, although I had never considered doing it in my handbag!

It was at this point, that I decided it was high-time to have a bit of a clear out.

Amongst my car keys, purse, and mobile phone (which by the way has shit itself and died, courtesy of being drowned in Bubble’s milky drool from the inside out), I also found;


  • An emergency pair of pull ups for Foghorn.
  • Two empty freddo frog wrappers.
  • Bubble’s spare dummy.
  • An opened packet of sugar.
  • A dried out packet of wet wipes.
  • Three loose, very battered, fluff-gathering teddy biscuits.
  • A long ago emptied sample of hand sanitizer.
  • Lots of useless unwanted receipts.  (These are the only kind I seem to keep hold of.  I can never find the ones I actually need when I want to return something!)
  • Mine & Bubble’s hair ties.
  • A piece of (used) snot-rag, courtesy of Foghorn.
  • A selection of Dora band aids
  • A copy of Jeanette Rowe’s mini book ‘Whose Poo?’
  • A dried out old pen
  • A caffeine roll on eye thingy-ma-bobby (which I used twice and then realised I was kidding myself!)
  • A runaway tampon which seems to have removed itself from its wrapper and is now a kind of, crumb speckled grey colour rather than its original bleached white.

As a child my eyes would widen in wonder and amazement as Mary Poppins pulled out a host of improbable items from her carpet bag on the screen in front of me. 

 Little did I know that I was destined to follow in her foot-steps. 

 Although of course, I shall be taking the liberty of changing the words of the song to reflect my experiences.


 “Just a spoonful of sugar, coats your tampon a treat, in the most disturbing way!”

Do you have anything, um, ‘interesting’ in your handbag?

Image: Michal Marcol /



Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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