FFS: The Kissenger -If You Can “Kiss” Through Your Phone, What’s Next?

OMG. OMG. Oh. My. Gawd…Believe it or NOT, there is now a device (in prototype only check it out here on Scary Mommy) that you can attach to your iPhone which allows you to send and receive kisses. Apparently, you can buy a silicone pad, press your lips into it and then the pressure you exude is replicated back to the recipient. On their lips? On their cheek? On their…?

This is virtual reality gone too far. And I don’t actually want to admit this but I take my phone everywhere. Hey – I like to read while I’m waiting. And that phone is also in the bottom of my gym bag underneath a sweaty towel, it’s in the centre console of my car amidst gum wrappers, it’s in my handbag admidst God knows what, it sits on virtually every surface known to man-kind including the nail salon where thousands of other grubby hands rest. So, do I want to press it to my lips at any point in time to send or receive a fake kiss? Definitely not.

But it did get me thinking about useful applications that could be invented to aid in long-distance relationships (especially those FIFO people, you have to feel for them). How about a virtual tongue? Or a thumb (just add lubricant)? A hand that can be operated by the user to their missing man? Hey! Maybe this could keep people faithful from a distance! Imagine the possibilities. Your partner could be away on a battlefield and you could give him a hand job from ten thousand miles away! And you could talk dirty into his ear at the same time. Then, you can swap! Add the attachment of your choice and he can operate it. Wait, honey – too hard. A little higher. Faster. Wait, that’s too fast. There, don’t stop.

No? Too much? People already send nude selfies and engage in phone sex. I think this is coming (cumming). Watch this space.