Man Asks the Internet If He Is Being an Asshole for Telling His Pregnant Wife That She Is Lazy
In what might be one of the poorer choices he has made recently, a man has taken to the internet to ask if he was being an asshole for telling his pregnant wife that she has become increasingly lazy of late.
And to make matters even worse, it turns out that the man is a doctor, and should probably have a basic understanding of the toll pregnancy takes on a woman’s body!
The soon-to-be dad, known only by his Reddit username LonelyThought9, asked the good people over at the ‘Am I the Asshole?’ sub if he was being unreasonable to “blow up” at his wife for becoming less active around the house and leaving the housework to him to do instead of getting up off her pregnant arse and taking care of it herself.
We are both 32. And we are both physicians. I work a lot (currently 55-60 hours a week on average) and am an attending physician. My wife is still finishing her fellowship training. But her fellowship is outpatient based and her hours are great. Maybe 30 hours a week she is in clinic.
Now we are currently expecting our first child and naturally we’re very excited. I want to support my wife as much as possible…but ever since we found out we were expecting, she has suddenly become very different. She lost interest in work, we had recent fights about her wanting to quit medicine and stop working entirely to focus on caring for the kid. She no longer helps out around the home. I have to do all the laundry, cooking, dishwashing, trash, bathroom cleaning because she says she is tired all the time. It’s not that she is physically confining herself at home because she is feeling fatigued, she is often still out and about either hanging out with her co-fellows and girlfriends or sits at home watching TV.
Finally…I blew up at her yesterday when she didn’t go out to pick up some groceries when I asked her to prior to leaving for work. I yelled at her that being pregnant does not automatically make you disabled and unable to do anything. Maybe I was also still upset she had blown $1200 on a ridiculous Uppababy stroller without checking with me first last week (for context, I make at least $550k a year at my current working hours, she makes about 60k as a fellow) because I feel like I’m the one shouldering 90% of that expense. In any case, she got pissed off gave me the silent treatment since yesterday, am I the complete dick here for saying that or what?
This man has no idea what it might be like to be pregnant, nor has he any inclination to learn. He has zero empathy or consideration for his wife and is just expecting her to carry on as normal despite growing a whole nother human being and all the bonus hormones and exhaustion that comes with it.
For heaven’s sake, if he earns so much money he should hire a weekly cleaner, a laundry service, get those handy boxes of ready meals delivered etc.
From his post, he is giving us an incredibly controlling vibe, especially about money and how much he earns versus how much his wife contributes, like that makes any difference to how the chores should be divided. That’s no way to manage a marriage and a brand new family.
After being universally told that yes, as a matter of fact, he was the asshole for blowing up at his pregnant wife, the man updated his post:
Sure I might be the asshole, but give some empathy here. I might spend 55-60 hours at work a week, but guess what, I also commute about 3 hours total each work day. That’s 15 hours spent in rush hour traffic a week typically. And I often have night shifts that will exhaust me physically switching back and forth to days constantly. Add on spending an extra 12 hours of housework a week, where the fuck am I getting good chunks of reliable time to decompress? Add also that I am an emergency medicine physician and the work is stressful and can burn you out easily. Note that my wife walks to work because she hates driving so I agreed to it before we moved here for her fellowship training.
I’m also not demanding my wife take on 100% of the housework like some of you are insinuating. I only blew up at her the other day because she couldn’t contribute even one task which was picking up a few groceries.
Finally yes we currently have no student debt but guess who was the one that paid off 90% of the hundreds of thousands in loans AND those of my wife’s? I did, by working my ass off.
Oh, he wants empathy now?
We would like to wish his poor wife the very best of luck with dealing with this man once their baby arrives and he is expected to change nappies and help even more around the house. He hasn’t seen nothin’ yet.
You can read the responses to this man’s post here.